A Letter to the Pack
{Vibes}
I can still remember what it felt like to be free. To wake up in the morning excited about what the day would bring and whether it brought joy or strife, I knew that at the end of it I would lay my head down and still have people who loved me. Who were proud of me. Despite it all, that was what kept me going. If this is the last scrap of myself that I am able to identify, I wish to do so fully while I am still capable. I'll write my truths out for you; for all of you that I have loved with my soul of ash and wildfire. I am a villain. I am a murderer. I am a liar. I am a thief. I know all these things about myself and have never once blanched at their reality - I never apologized for what I'd become in order to survive in this world. I was given an empire, a throne and I reveled in being needed. Wanted. Worshiped. But when I met you, things changed. I didn't want you to know what sins my hands had committed - I didn't want you to look at me like I was anything other than someone who adored you, who would tear down the world itself to bring you home safely. I didn't want you to see a monster. You never did. None of you ever did and I will be grateful to you for that miraculous gift until time has lost its meaning. You stayed with me. We stayed with each other because we wanted to. No one forced us together and we looked at our crumbled lives shocked to see how easily they fit in with one another, how the other broken pieces filled in holes we had long ago learned to survive with. You made me feel alive for the first time in my entire life. My Pack. My family. That's what you became and remained. You gave me a reason to be better, to challenge myself every day, to fight for the opportunity to stand at your sides and to love you. You gave me so many reasons to love you. I fear that I am slipping and as much as I have cursed and clawed for a way out of this landslide, I can't deny it any longer; I am losing this war inside my head. More and more each day I feel a cruel carelessness growing within and there is going to come a day I can't fight it anymore. I'm so tired. Please believe me when I say I tried, that I gave it my all and that there wasn't an ounce of strength I did not put into my efforts. This is not something that can be fixed with words or encouragement, this is not a disease or a sickness. This is something sewn into the fabric of my being and I can do nothing against it. It is clear to me where my path leads now and I wish that you could come with me - that we could be together again - but this is a hell I wouldn't wish on any of you. I'm sorry that I had to break trust, to break hearts, but I would not see any of you like this and I know that seeing me... seeing me would make it all the more difficult to bear what is to come. The voices grow quieter when I think of you, when I write to you, so I shall try to do that until the end, so that you know none of you ever left my mind. I'll carry you within, your memories splayed throughout the cracks of everything I've become so that when I meet my fate, you’ll still be with me. The Nightmare cannot take from me that which it did not create. And you? You were my dreams given life. All My Love, Sunny Please don’t come for me. Even if you find me - you won’t find me.
@valanthius-xiv @mischiefs-mistress @charm-in-spades















