#cacophonies

So I don’t have much of a quote to start this with. Sorry about that. I’ve been lost in my head recently and, I don’t want to bore you with that. Sorry.

I guess it’s true progress isn’t linear, or something. Something I said before this. I don’t know what direction I’m headed in now, I don’t know if this is healing. But I’m here anyway, and I’m alive. And I keep going, that means something.

I’ve been digging deeper into the tunnels recently. I hoped to find some kind of solace down there. Maybe if I dig deeper I’ll reach some kind of heaven.

It’s a bad idea, I’m sure, but I am running out of things to do. And once you fall sometimes it’s better to just let yourself hit the floor. So that’s what I’m doing. Falling, letting myself slip and fall.

But I’ve ignored you long enough, I’m sorry for that.

“I’m not scared of falling, though I’m more scared of what happens when I fall. The edge I toe has become more cracked day by day, there is no repairing those cracks, it’s a waiting game now. I’m not good at waiting.”

“I promise that if you fall farther into the tunnels I will do everything in my capability to catch you no matter what.”

These contradict don’t they? How can you catch me if you are falling as well? Even then what if I wanted you to fall? Would you jump? Would you let yourself loose everything holy about you?

I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t tell you too. I don’t want you to fall, I think maybe the farther away from me you are the better.

We will make this world pure.

I know you don’t like waiting, but you cannot let yourself fall just yet. Okay?

There’s this lovely area I found above ground. A nice place for us. A valley enclosed by mountains, it’s beautiful. I dreamed of it, of us, building a house there, maybe having some cats. It’s a nice little area. I’d like to take you there. Though I know you are only real in these caves