#cabbage queens

tumblr: wow. look at this majestic creature.

famous person: *does some cool nice things*

tumblr: WHAT A LUMINESCENT AND ETHEREAL BEING. HIGH RULER OF THE HEAVENS. THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA. LET ME GIVE YOU EVERYTHING.

famous person: *does one problematic thing*

tumblr: TRASH

tumblr: CAN WE STOP PRETENDING THEY'RE ANYTHING OTHER THAN TRASH

tumblr: SCUM OF THE EARTH

suzee and eliza 1.0 yeah okay. and supernaturalapocalypse?? but she's so COOL. SHE"S SO COOL

literally everyTHING okay like

weddings are weird? like the reception is all quiet and for food you pick between chicken and salmon or whatever? and jazz music at weddings ? like…what?

drunk white people-like are you really drunk or are you just trying too hard

why do white people like bland things

idk white people give other people a lot of shit about having “weird” names or whatever but then they name their kid Lee. Like??? LEE?????

also the name parker? like you name your son parker? (or daughter??) what if your last name is parker. parker parker? see also: jackson

when they think Jesus was white?? Was Gandhi white too? what about MLK?

buying garbage bags? white people buy garbage bags. you can just reuse the plastic bags you get groceries in?

mustard is spicy??? or other non spicy things that are spicy???

do all white people kayak? ??? 

similarly, do all white people go camping?

PICNICS

sperrys. like. why?

also, they always wear shorts in cold weather? 

why is everyone part cherokee? like are you lying? there were other native american tribes?

sex after three dates? sometimes less? virgins are considered weird? these are strange standards.

is meatloaf a separate food group?

anything beyond toast is “ethnic”.  like?? ethnic?

the divorce statistic?? why is the divorce statistic so high among white people???

on a related note: do they all cheat? why do they think everyone cheats? is this only on tv? tell me

when your last name could also be a first name. it’s like having two first names?? cool? but also? strange?

is it required that you name your daughter jennifer? 

why is olive garden so great? 

SUSHI WITH FORKS????

YACHT PARTIES

nicholas sparks books are like a fetish at this point

when they tell dark-skinned people “omg I wish I had skin like yours I don’t tan” or whatever

white kids constantly say “shut up” or “i hate you” to their parents//? and the parents are  like *gasp* what do he’s acting up again

dancing. watching white people dance. i just.

“healthy” substitute for *insert literally anything here*

getting “smashed” is a genuine hobby? way to pass the time???

and having a “MADDDD HANGOVER” like you know hangovers are avoidable right??? do white people just not know how to handle alcohol at all?