“I have anxiety and get uptight about a lot of stuff. Sometimes I just want Deadpool to tell me to chill the fuck out, shotgun marijuana smoke into my mouth and then eat me out until I can't think.”

“Didn’t your parents teach you not to steal from ugly motherfuckers with guns?”

“I can't stop thinking about Deadpool saying 'I'm the other jolly guy in a red suit with a lap worth sitting on'. Jesus.”

“I want to have hot, angry sex with Deadpool so bad. He'd be really into weapon foreplay and would rub his gun against my wet cunt and tell me to call him daddy.”

“I have the dirtiest fantasies about Wade Wilson. I mean, he's called the Merc with a Mouth for a reason right? Just imagine him running his mouth off, even as you ride his face to shut him up. Mmmm.”

“Wolvie, my man. Didn’t you get your own movie? I heard about it, much better than your first one.”

“I’ve been told I don’t work well with others which is ridiculous because people love me.”

“Sorry, I use my humour to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious so don’t hate and I’m not actually sorry.”