Dear Fellas,

Today is simply an embarrassment of riches and good fortune - not only am I going to marry the woman of my dreams in a few hours, but I couldn’t have asked for a better group of men to stand up there with me while I do. 

I’ve known some of you for years and years, and some of you I’ve only met recently here in Bayview. I never anticipated that when I left Manhattan almost two years ago that I’d end up here knowing all of you, and consider myself incredibly blessed to have friends who are so talented, funny, and supportive. If I don’t say it enough today: Thank you.

I hope you enjoy yourselves today as much as I plan on going to. Cut a rug on the dance floor, hook up with a bridesmaid (especially if you’re married to one!), and join us in celebrating our love - I speak for Minka and myself when I say how grateful we are that you’re here with us today.

I’ll see you fellas at five sharp - now I know you’ve all got a pocket watch so don’t stand me up!

Lots of love,

Sebastian

@IwanRheon: Left Crawford a little gift in the bathroom, like any self-respecting Lord of the Rings fan would… I contemplated bunking in the cupboard and doing my best Gollum impression but I’m not here to put Mr Serkis to shame!  He’s going to shit bricks

@IwanRheon: If one wasn’t bad enough!! I made Chace some company for when I’m out shopping… Can’t have him getting lonely. He’s only got a few hundred to find… #Where’sChace

Happy Birthday Chace, [ @c-crawford ]

If we were more highly evolved beings that understood concepts like “the passage of time” and “ageing” and “birthdays”, we’d most definitely be wishing you a happy birthday today. As is, we’re home and wondering where the fuck all our preferred humans went and why we’ve been left with a responsible adult who doesn’t let us lick burger grease off of her fingers after dinner, or do that high-pitched squeal/sobbing when she feeds the chickens. Obviously, we prefer you.

We heard you’re working on getting a dog of your own, which makes our noses quiver with anticipatory butt-sniffing excitement. Since dogs are glorious, magical creatures who sometimes can’t be trusted to not wander off with anyone who gives a good belly rub, we wanted to pre-gift you for your birthday one of these fancy, and sometimes alarmingly annoying, neck accessories that we all have, a WÜF Collar!

Us and the humans have some contradictory opinions on what it can do, like live track your new friend via GPS (breach of privacy), set up invisible leashes and fences (#can’t be tamed#), help with training (ugh, overrated) a two-way speaker so you can tell your pup to “get off the couch” when you’re not home (like that’s some sort of fucking crime now?) stores health records and monitors their temperature so they don’t overheat (admittedly, helpful), and even monitors activity like a doggie FitBit. We think you might need one of these for yourself, too. 

Thanks for always sharing your fries and playing ball with us in the house, even though we’re totally not supposed to.

Love,

Wigs, Chew & Fred