Cymru Am Byth

“I’m usually an A plus procrastinator when it comes to unpacking things, I either live out of boxes for weeks or finally get off my ass and actually unpack – which hardly ever happens, especially when Netflix is involved. I like distractions, and camping is a pretty good one I’d say. It’s been awhile since I’ve roughed it out.”

I don’t blame you, mate. I was a bit like that last time I moved, but it’s not worth it, man! Netflix and camping wares off after you realise you haven’t left your box-cave in a week and have forgotten where you left your matress, haha! Tell you what, get that unpacking done by Friday and I’ll buy you a drink and give you a little whistle-stop tour of the place, or just the bars, who knows.  It’s great to see you again though, man, hope you’ve been well. 

There’s a chance I’m insanely delusional and might need help, actually scratch that I definitely am. It took me entirely too long to realize I didn’t pee in the floor and that it was Nooni. Also I dumped my entire tub of coffee on the floor so I cried for ten minutes about having to clean that up. I need some sleep but other than that I’m doing great and I promise I’m somewhat coherent usually. What’s a good coffee place around here? Oh and I’m Haley.

If you don’t become delerious and insanely delusional after moving house, you’ve not been working hard enough! First night I was here, I sat on my balcony on a half-built IKEA table and poured a glass of wine for my cat, but I think pee and coffee on the floor makes my story sound tame! Go to Coral Street Too on the Eastside, I’m about 90% certain that their coffee has won awards, it’s cracking. Great to meet you, Haley, I’m Iwan, I hope the rest of your moving in experience is a bit less chaotic. 

I got some really beautiful pieces at the gallery today, and had a pretty great time doing it. I love shopping for art, actually I love any kind of shopping. My favorite among many other favorite pastimes. Today has been thankfully productive, though I’m settling in a lot quicker than I originally imagined but I never seem to notice how many ‘new place’ traditions and superstitions my friends and family have rubbed off onto me until I’m running around the grocery store looking for a bag of salt in my body weight to stuff under the sink.

A very gentrified day out! What sort of art did you buy? I wouldn’t have a bloody clue what I’d be looking for in a piece of art, excuse the language. I find shopping is fun until it drags out a bit too long and you end of getting tired and grumpy, sort of like a toddler. I’m glad you’re settling in quite quickly, Bayview’s a fantastic place, so I’ve got no doubt you’ll really love it. Ooh, I’m exactly the same... Parents are very good at making us superstitious, but at least you’ve got spare salt as a result of superstition, if you ever need it. I’m a bit superstitious when I fly: I’ve always got to wear red, usually just socks and my girlfriend always puts a little letter in my case when I go away, without those things, god only knows how many planes I would’ve broken, haha.  It’s lovely to meet you by the way, I’m Iwan. 

I think the real tragedy here is you thinking that you’re not as funny as me, Iwan! I’m convinced you need your own stand up special and you’re thinking like that. I would agree, but at the same time, I think that’s what we get for trying to put costumes on them all the time. They deserve to outsmart us at this point. So… what you’re saying is we need to do something crazy and take the secret to our grave? How are we supposed to do that without wanting to spill our guts?! If you’re going to do the reverse of me an go blonde, you can’t do that without coming to me. Watching you suffer with the bleach not only on your head, but your beard, is going to be priceless. One of your secret talents is making me cry at a moments notice, isn’t it? You get to be number one just for that compliment. I guess that’s a tradition now— is that going to be one of our first secrets?! Or are we going to get up to something even crazier while we’re here in Spain?

No... Not me! If you think your TV Show wasn’t more-or-less your own stand-up special, you’re kidding yourself! You always catch me off guard with your sense of humour, even after, what - 2-3 years? Don’t you think that cats know more tham they’re letting on, I’ve always, you know, got that kind of sense from them. I think it’s the fact that every cat in the town is out doing who knows what for a few hours a day, they’re probably all congregated on some back street playing poker. Fuck yeah. Let’s do something insane and never tell anyone, even this conversation has to be a secret now, I suppose. That’s a good point, Cariad, but isn’t just good ol’ fashion competition of the last person to spill wins enough? No no no, hold on, I didn’t say beard. You wouldn’t! I’ll go blond on my head but not beard, next thing you’ll be dying my pubes for continuity, which is never going to happen. Can I dye your eyebrows? Red or something? Blue maybe? Secret talents are a start! I only say that stuff because it’s true, even if it’s not the most eloquent...! Well, that’s a secret between us and a few Greek seagulls. Losing our room key was probably the craziest thing we got up to, although making Candy cry by pretending to throw her into the see was a low moment that I don’t really want to remember, so I suppose that’s a secret?

Like I haven’t caught you watching that video over and over again under the covers laughing your ass off— look me in the eyes and try and deny this! With the amount of times we’ve tried to put costumes on our own cats and got scratched, do you think we’d both be professionals at a cat interrogating us? We’d both keep our secrets to the grave at this point. You… hey, no! You can’t shave your beard that much to get his same style! It’ll break my heart no matter how much it’d suit you. Oh, shush, you. Who’s to say she hasn’t been hanging around you for too long and takes after you? Now we need t-shirts—or onesies!— with weirdo #1 and weirdo #2 printed on them. That’s because we were almost caught on the beach, but I warned you….

Hold on – Well, uhh– Yeah, alright. Sometimes I just fantasise about what it’d be like to be as funny as you, Kesha! One day... Clearly we’ve been outwitted by the cats too many times! It’s just a bit shameful now, isn’t it? We probably would be, but have we got many secrets to take to the grave? I think we both need more secrets, it’d make us more elusive and mysterious. I’ll start thinking of some. Never mind any of that beard-shaving business, now that you’re a brunette, how about I go blond? ‘nuff said! No, Candy can’t have got her talent from me because - you know - I’m useless. She reminds me more and more of you everyday. She’s a very lucky girl. Who’s going to be werid one and who’s going to be weirdo two?  Birthday boy wants, birthday boy gets.

It is soooooo beautiful here! Ahhhh! I am so happy to finally be settled in. Time for some beer and the ocean breeze. Howdy everyone, super happy to be here, look forward to making everyone’s acquaintance. Admittedly I already know who some of you and maaaay fanboy a little.

So who wants to grab some drinks and hang?

Haha, I’m glad you like it! Beer and ocean breeze is a solid choice for an evening, one I’m quite partial too as well. Yeah, I look forward to meeting you too, I’m a bit of a fan of your music so... I’m keeping no promises about not fanboying just yet. If you catch me after a few pints, I’m taking no culpability for my emotions. I also suggest that in the inveitability that I manage to get you into a game of karaoke that you - you know - watch your back? I’m quite mean at 00s alternative. No, I’m only kidding man! I’d love to head out for some drinks as soon as I’m back. I hope you’re settling in well!

I went into this move thinking that I wouldn’t need my moms or pops to help me unpack and get settled in. Really wanted to experience this whole ‘living on your own’ people keep talking about, but it’s much harder than it seems. How am I supposed to organize most of this stuff? Do I put all my extra necessities in the living room closet? Or in the guest room closet? First world problems, am I right? To top it all off… I hear that most of y’all went off to a special trip. That hurt. Please tell me that you’re enjoying every bit of it for me. I’ll keep this town in check until you guys come back.

Ooh, haha... Rookie mistake, man! I thought the same thing when I moved, but soonafter realised that if I tried to do it without help from my mum, I’d end up with a cutlery cupboard in the bathroom. Always go for living room closet, that’s my bet, otherwise - you know - if you need any of that stuff while a guest is round, you’re going to have to go digging through their stuff too to find it. The trip’s a really good time, but who knows? Maybe Bayview without all of us in it is a lot more fun -- enjoy it while you still can!  It’s great you meet you, Michael, even if I’m a few thousand miles away. I’m Iwan. Great to know we’ve got such a top guy holding up fort while we’re gone. 

It has been exciting, scary and kinda tough to be honest. Leaving Jon Snow has been harder than expected. For the moment, I’m enjoying some time off. Then.. I don’t know. Going on stage again could be fun. What about you, mate? What have you been doing lately? How is the only blood and mud master I would ever accept and respect? I’m pretty sure that Sophie will know how to make Alfie come here. Don’t tell her I said that but she’s one of the smartest of us.

Highly emotional, I suppose! Oh, I don’t blame you at all, man. Leaving such a monumental part of your life behind is fucking scary. You’ve done a good job giving yourself that bit of time off. Blood and Mud master’s very happy after that lovely holiday with Kesha for my birthday. I’ve just been sort of spending a bit more time with the family, both here and back in Wales. That sort of stuff’s quite important, isn’t it? I’m off on the summer trip too, now with the babe and Kesha. I spotted you with Robbie and Chris earlier, we’ll have to arrange a boy’s night or something? Nothin’ but holidays for me!! Ooh, yeah, Sophie’s got a fantastic brain, hasn’t she? It’s been you and me!

Oh, no. I’ve already been through one interrogation before and now I’m just thinking about a cat conducting that interview now. What’s that show again…. the one with the actual cat whisperer? My Cat from Hell or something? She’s going to end up replacing the host of that show when she gets older and she can thank us for giving her so many cat friends. Can… Can we get that quote printed on both our tombstones? I’m going to need you to repeat that to everyone whenever we meet someone new. We have to do this more often, don’t we? It was your birthday vacation and you’re allowed to be as sappy as you want, shut up! Now you’re going to be the one to make me cry and then we’re going to have a concerned two year old on our hands.

I remember you telling me about that! I’ve got say, you’ve got a pretty stella poker face, no cat’s got anything on you. How would a cat go about doing an interrogation? It’d be a lot of scratching and tackling, I suppose, so maybe a little less interrogation, a bit more torture? Oh shit, yeah! I’ve got to say, the only thing more impressive than his cat-whispering is that stunner of a beard. Do you think it’d suit me, cariad? Do you know what? I’m off to the bathroom now, don’t bother trying to stop me. Candy would make an amazing host, wouldn’t she? She’s a little star like her mum, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she ends up the star of her own show. Either that quote on our gravestones or ‘Weirdo 1′ and ‘Weirdo 2′ would do the same job! It was an incredible holiday, but waking up next to you every morning is enough of a present, Kesha... The birthday sex wasn’t bad either... 

It honestly is; one moment it’s spring and the next thing you know, we’ll be hurtling towards fall, having barely felt summer at all! It really has been nice, I haven’t been to Australia in over a year, I’d say, so getting to come here with Jason and his kids to see my family has been like a little slice of heaven that I couldn’t ever replace! Nice! It’s good when you get to combine work with fun and still have a good time. And Comic Con is normally the type of work that ends up putting a smile on your face more often than not, anyway, right? It does, it’s nice to just stand on the beach and look out at the ocean a lot of the time, too. It was great! I had tons of cake and dessert and all sorts of birthday goodies.

It’s absolute madness. Don’t say that, though, I don’t want to be wishing summer away too quickly! If it could be summer for say maybe a year or so longer, that’d be fantastic. That must’ve been so lovely to get home. Australia’s beautiful as well. I bet everyone’s thrilled to have you home, too. Definitely, it’s been really nice to get some time to sight see whilst working, it’s not often you get that. Ooh, yeah! Comic Con is great for that, bloody tiring to be dragged around through crowds all day, but lovely to get to be you and interact with some really passionate people who’re all there for the same reason - to have a good time. Have you been to any of the conventions so far this year? 

I’m also doing well! YOU DON’T KNOW!? Oh my god. It’s the new park at Disney and it’s so so so so so cool. I can’t believe you haven’t heard of it. It’s nice to meet you too, Iwan. It’s alright that you’re clueless, I guess. Especially if it’s because of jet lag and all that. Oh, you’re a beach guy? Nice. I’m out here in the countryside. So far so good. I’ve found all my new favorite spots and that’s really the most important thing, right?

I’m glad to hear it. Oh... Disney, as in Disney World? I only went there for the first time - what - last year? Clearly I’ve got a bit of dusting up to do on my Disney trivia, haha. Are you a big Disney fan, then? Or more Star Wars? Thank you, although I think I might be lying to you if I said that me being clueless exclusively has the jet lag to blame...! Oh yeah, massively, I love the beach. How about you? I know you’ve got to say nice things about the countryside because you live there now, but I’ll keep my mouth shut. What’re your new favourite spots in town?

And we already have enough space in our new place to welcome a new cat with open arms—or paws—and it would be cruel if we didn’t. That’s going to be our story and we need to stick with it. Who do you think’s gonna win this battle between all of them? My vote’s on Candy coming in and breaking up the fights all together. I…. well, maybe. I’m willing to bet money on the fact that people think we’re high but we’re sober. You deserved to be spoiled, come on. How else was I gonna get you to stop working like a maniac other than a nice warm beach in Greece?

In the event of a kitty-interrogation, we’re all set. Those cats listen to Candy better than they listen to me! I think she’s got some sort of toddler-cat telepathy. She’s the cat whisper. Can I still change my vote to Candy? Us? High? I’m quite offended, actually. So what if we’re teaching the cats to ballroom dance, you have a bra made out of human teeth and I occasionally wear socks to bed. At least you save the tooth fairy a job and I have some very occasionally toasty feet. We’re high on life, Kesha! I don’t know what I’d do without you.  Getting away with you makes me realise how lucky I am. Beach, sun, beautiful girlfriend was the best birthday I could ask for! Sorry to be all soppy on you...

You’re still a spring chicken, Iwan! Thirty-four’s only a few years older than me, so I refuse to think of it as anything but vibrant, youthful and fun. Yeah, it’s kind of weird to be traveling form warm weather here to the colder months back home, but you know how it is in Australia; their cold is our warm, most of the time. Oh, lovely! Were you in St. Petersburg for work or was it more of a pleasure trip? Either way, I hope that you had a blast. The idea of just living on the beach, though… that’s heaven. Nope! Just eating a lot of cake and seeing my folks, those are pretty much my ‘getting older’ plans.

Thank you, Claire, better a chicken than an old man! It’s mad how much the time flies, isn’t it? That’s very true. You probably won’t be missing out very much on the weather then, I suppose. Must be lovely to get back home though, I’ve been missing mine a bit recently. Ooh, well, I’m going to say it was just work, work, work and pure work so I can wiggle my way into another holiday... But, I was there for Comic Con. Still got a lot of sightseeing done though! It’s a great idea, isn’t it? I’ve always been a bit of a beach bum. Growing up around the sea does that, doesn’t it? I like the sound of your getting older plans; eating cake and seeing your family should keep you happy for a long time to come. Especially the cake.