#c;mind

February 20,2014.

3:04 PM

~

"Now and forever. Always."

~+~+~+~+~

I remember when I first met you. You joined the directory and I wanted to make a new friend, as well as give a warm welcome.

Who knew how hard I would fall for you? How much I would love you? All my heart.

We started going out. Not like dating but like, to have fun. Yeah, that.

I remember you took me to an arcade. We only played one game, but I remember unintentionally beating you in it. Hah~ I slowly fell for you as we grew closer.

~+~+~+~+~

That fateful day, I found you feeling down. I confirmed that my feelings for you were certain, but seeing you so sad made me feel the same. It actually hurt me too.

You cried to me and I held you tightly. But even at a situation like this, I couldn’t help but take a glance at your lips. I always saw them to be pink, soft, and plump but here, they pale, chapped, and quivering from the many quiet sobs you let out. I’ve wanted to kiss you since that moment. I told you,

"Look at your lips. They’re now chapped. You’re dehydrated."

I pulled you along with me to the kitchen and got you a glass. You drank it willingly. Then you asked me out of nowhere:

"Do— Do you ever… Do you ever want to run away?"

I contemplated on answering your question.

"Well… I have moments.. Sometimes I want to… Sometimes I don’t… I’m still thinking about, actually. Why do you ask?"

…….

"Let’s— Let’s run away together." You gulped. "Yeah. Let’s run away together."

"But.. Why me? Why choose me out of all people?"

At that question, you chose to cut it off, deciding to keep it to yourself. You were about to leave, but I grabbed your hand.

"At least tell me why before you go, Oppa.. Please?"

Then you confessed to me.

As did I to you.

~+~+~+~+~

I went on a two-week HAITUS after that, me having to do some work as while you cleared out your thoughts.

I returned and you were the first person I wanted to greet. So I did.

We moved on to talking about our own things after that. You said that you wanted to move in together and I grew excited, agreeing with him. Then I realized that Christmas was coming up. I wanted to get you a present. I asked you what you wanted as I played with your fingers. Then you told me that you didn’t want anything.

"Really? Then I don’t know what to get for you!"

"Then become my girlfriend."

That was on December 5, 2013.

~+~+~+~+~

You also suggested that we should spend Christmas together. I thought the same, and we settled it. I grew even more excited because I couldn’t wait to give you my presents to you, and this was actually my first time to spend Christmas with someone, the thought making me more excited that I would be spending it with someone I loved dearly.

Christmas Day came and I waited, my gifts for you ready to be opened.

I waited the whole day.

It was almost midnight of the 25th when I lost hope. I thought you weren’t going to come. But as if on cue, you burst through the door, a big box in hand, as well as keys. I jumped, not only because of the suddenness, but also because of how large the box was. What surprised me most was that there was a red ribbon on top, but as well as multiple holes poked on the four sides.

I opened the box, then a loud gasp escaped me as well as tears swelling up. I saw three pairs of little eyes, staring up at me. I gave you the longest kiss I could give you, putting all of my love for you in it, then after pulling away, you wiped my eyes gently and kissed my forehead before asking me:

"What do you wanna name them?"

We settled on Bada, Chi, and Gupeom.

~+~+~+~+~

Next, New Year was coming up. Dad gave me another pup too, Snow, so then we were six in our ‘little family’.

As always, I was excited. I wanted us to share our first kiss of 2014 at midnight. Those kind of things. The whole day, we did our own things, but when evening arrived, I waited.

And waited.

And waited…

Eventually, I fell asleep waiting for you. You didn’t come back until the third. I was slightly hurt.

Then there was our first month anniversary. Partly my fault because I never told you that I celebrate these things.

Then my birthday came. We both knew that you knew when my birthday was. But the whole day, as usual, I waited. The whole day. I grew disappointed.

You didn’t even greet me..

~+~+~+~+~

One day, I was walking back home from the studio. I wanted to talk to you about moving in together, to start looking for places.

Then someone came up to me. They told me to stay away from you, they told me that I wasn’t meant for you. I just told them to get away from me, when they tried to take me away. They held onto my wrist and started dragging me to a van.

I cried out for help, as well as attempted to throw in a few punches.

Then bang.

My legs numb and I felt my side slowly doing the same. The stranger jumped into the van and sped off. You were the first person in mind that I needed to see.

My hand clutched onto my side as I slowly made my way home. Then you found me. You ran to me and caught me before I could hit the ground.

the rest that I could remember were tears: your tears, bright flashing lights, the loud honking of horns, and your arms around me.

"I love you my princess… Now and forever. Always."

~+~+~+~+~

I soon came home, feeling better. I opened the door to my apartment and you were the first person I saw. You greeted me. Hugged me and gave me a loving kiss.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, baby…"

Then you picked me up, me giggling as you dropped me on the bed before tackling me. I felt so happy. Ecstatic to be with you again.

It would’ve been our first time together.

But no…

It didn’t happen.

Just as it came, happiness vanished.

I just had to speak, didn’t I?

~+~+~+~+~

You decided to break it off. Even though I didn’t want it, I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. Our last piece of skinship together: A sad hug.

That was on January 27, 2014

~+~+~+~+~

I went on another two-week HIATUS, trying to get over you. I couldn’t. Not when I still have something to remind me of you.

Your clothes in my wardrobe, your shoes by the door, the smell of your cologne upon my bed. Some of your toiletries still in my bathroom, Bada, Chi, and Gupeom. I ended up keeping them all and moving in together broke off.

I remember, you wanted to find a song for us, a song that’s special to us, so I suggested that we should go dancing. We never did that.

I missed you like fuck.

I hated waking up in the morning, knowing that I would no longer feel your strong arms around me, knowing that I could no longer give you good morning kisses, knowing that I could no longer make breakfast for you, and knowing that I could no longer give you goodbye kisses when either of us go off to work.

I also hated coming back home, knowing that I wouldn’t see you watching TV once I open the door, knowing that I can no longer see your dance bag when I drop mine beside it, knowing that I couldn’t make and have dinner with you while we talk about what happened in our day, and knowing that I couldn’t snuggle up against you to press a sweet kiss upon your bare chest before I go to sleep.

I just missed you like fuck.

I missed your hugs, your kisses, your warm embraces, you, calling me your princess, even calling me your pervy princess at times, your beautiful side profile, your smile, your face when it erupts in laughter, your eyes when they shine, your cute button nose, the soothing sound of your beating heart that’s like a lullaby to me when I sleep.

I missed wrapping my arms around your giant figure, trailing little kisses all over your face, writing cute little messages and letters to each other, attempting to talk about our future together, talking about going on dates, but in the end blowing them off just to stay home and cuddle in bed, playing with the pups, me, cooking for you, you lifting me into the air when we haven’t seen each other for what felt like an eternity, you, running your soft hands through my hair while I laid on your lap, me, playing with your fingers because you understood that it’s a fetish of mine, giving each other eskimo kisses, hearing your voice over the phone when we’re apart, finding out that you sent me a text message while I’m and work then me doing the same to you.

Everything. I missed everything about you and our moments.

And I still do..

~

"I-It can't be..." Chachi clutched her head, having a migrane. First, her prince leaves her, then her brother -- who she thought left her for good -- suddenly returns. It was too much for her. Everything became dizzy for her. The lights spun, her ears were filled with so many voices. The negativity was getting the best of her.

Her brother. Her Gege. He left her so unexpectedly. That added up to her list of why she thought she should leave. Now he suddenly returns. She hit him with all her might, angry and disappointed. "Why did you leave, Ge? You could've told me what was wrong.." His figure stayed still, but luckily he caught her just as she was about to hit he ground.

Her relationship. She didn't know where it stood anymore. It was early to say, but she thought of him to be the love of her life. Her knight in shining armor, her Jack Dawson, her prince. Yet at the same time, she knew it wouldn't last. She knew that she would screw up everything. Losing the best boyfriend she's ever had. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for hurting you. I've apologized so many times, I know. But I just want you to know how sorry I am. You obviously deserve better than me. Especially after what I did. And I also want you to know this.. That'll love you until I die. My first love." She remembers what he always told her. "I'll love you... Now and forever. Always."

She remembers that night. The shot. Her side gave an aching pulse just by the thought of it and she held back her scream of pain. Her heart was what mattered at the moment. She heard of people actually dying from heartbreak. Maybe that's how she'll end. How her life will come to a close.

She has screamed out her frustration tons of times, but that never helped. She wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. But she didn't want to feel like a burden when she was already broken.

She wanted to run away, to leave, to die. She wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. Anything to get her away from her worst nightmare. Maybe even leave this place and start anew. She didn't know. But reality kept her feet glued to the ground, paralyzed. She no longer knew what to do. What she did instead: Her whole body failed on her and she collapsed.