#c;lee

lee’s known him long enough to know that look on his face. when he puts on a little extra dean hollis brand charm and confidence. it means he’s been thinkin’ too hard ‘bout how big a change this whole thing is. 

 but it’ll be good for him. she knows it. maybe... she could come visit. might make her jealousy even worse, though, and she doesn’t ever wanna ruin this friendship. nobody knows her like dean. 

 she rolls her eyes, blowin’ lose hair off her forehead. her ponytail never stays when she’s paintin’ especially not on her porch. “‘course I am!” she scoffs and playfully pushes his chest. she knows full well he won’t even budge. “the football, dummy. it’s common knowledge you’re a babe.”

dean flashed his award winning smile that no one in letum falls could understand how he still had after so many years of football. "so both, got it." 

"by the way," he pulled his varsity jacket out from behind his back. "i wanted to offer this to you. my dad made me offer it to susanna first, but she looked at me like i just asked her if she wanted to wrestle a pig in the mud so-"

“obviously, both,” she said, leanin’ back against the rickety wood at the end of the stairs. she slid her hands into the big pockets of her paintin’ overalls and stared up at him with a softer smile. she was gonna miss him. 

 he suddenly sprung his varsity jacket on her and her mouth dropped open. “you can’t give this to me!” she protested, but she was already taking it out of his hand. “are you sure you don’t wanna take it with you? i mean, i know you’re finally gettin’ outta here, but... this is special.”

"yeah i can," he chuckled as she took it. "nah, i don't wanna lose it and they're probably gonna give me a new one anyway. i mean if you don't want it i can give it to candace or annmarie, but they'll most definitely destroy it..."

“no!” she said, a little too quickly, coverin’ with a big smile and holdin’ the big jacket into her chest. “can’t have this gettin’ used and discarded, can we? i’ll take care of it for ya.” 

 besides... she wanted it. a little piece of him to remember every day when she saw it hangin’ on the back of her door. or when she could wear and pretend they were hangin’ out like old times. “i’m really proud of you, dean. no punchline. i’m gonna miss you, and i’m jealous as hell, but i’m so happy you’re gettin’ outta here.”

"good, i 'ppreciate it." his grin softened slightly as she spoke. he put an arm out on either side of her, leaning his against the railing. "don't you worry your pretty little head, i'll be back... and my offer to join me still stands," he hummed, knowing full well that she wouldn't leave bez, not anymore. he'd take them both if he could

“‘course,” she said, genuine. it wasn’t often somebody could get a response outta lee that wasn’t sarcastic or plain rude... but dean was different. they know each other better’n that. 

“oh, please. worry ‘bout you? you can handle yourself, QB,” she teased. but she had to just shrug and pretend she didn’t think about going every day, every second she was with him. “nah, i’m happy here. what more could a girl need?”

"wow, that was almost a convincing lie," he snorted. he was supposed to be on the road in twenty minutes but he couldn't leave with this unresolved issue hanging over his head. his eyes bounced back and forth between hers. this was proving to be much harder than he'd anticipated.

"you know, i don't hafta go if you want- need me to stay..."

she sighed, shakin’ her head. “the more i say it, the more true it’ll be, right?” she tried for a bright-side outlook. didn’t usually work. but she smiled despite herself when he offered to stay. 

“you can’t stay for me. or anybody. you’re not givin’ this up.”

dean shrugged, knowing no matter how many times she tried to convince herself she was happy, it would never happen here. but he didn't have the heart to confirm that. he lowered his head so his eyes were level with hers. 

"you're not anybody. i'll stay if you want me too."

she shook her head, only lookin’ at him for a second before castin’ her eyes down. she had her chance. it wasn’t meant to be. she was stuck here for now.

 she pursed her lips and met his gaze defiantly. “you’re goin’. don’t make me run you outta town myself.”

he was wasting time. he knew he had to get moving. “so there’s no reason you’d maybe want me to stay then? like i don’t know... feelings or something?”

she raised a brow, startin' to feel like he was lookin' for a reason not to go. wasn't like dean to be scared. couldn't be, this was a huge opportunity. a dream. feelings? "i-" she closed her mouth again, suddenly gettin' serious. "say what you're tryin' to say, dean."

he knew that he wasn't going to be able to dance around it, that she'd see right through him. and she did. 

 "straight to the point. right." 

 his mouth opened and his watch started to beep. he groaned, looking down at the ground before pressing the button to get it to stop. if he was going, he had to go now. 

"hard as it is to believe hadley, there's something more important to me than football and i'll ditch all that-" he shook his hand in the direction of his car, "for it."

her lips twisted as her mind raced, more with every word. his watch went off and she only felt more rushed, more like somethin’ was... ‘bout to happen. ‘bout to go wrong. “and...  what’s it?”

he leaned a bit closer to her. "i think you already know the answer to that." he didn't have time for his own shit. he didn't need to be smooth, he needed to spit it out.

lee started to harden, jaw tightened. she was mad at him. why was he tryin’ so hard to stay? why now? “I told you to be straight with me, so get it over with. what’s so important you’d throw away everythin’ and stay in this godforsaken town, huh?”

 she was afraid of the answer. it was conceited to think it might be you, wasn’t it?

why was she getting mad? he was the one who would be throwing his career away. but he kept his cool, like always. "well let's see, i'm asking you about your feelings and if you need me to stay so i think it's safe to assume it's you. jeez, why did they give you the last name holmes when you're clearly not a very good detective."

lee started to work her jaw. she shouldn’t be offended by what is basically a confession of love. is that what this is? he loves her? she raised a hand and put it back, not quite sure what to do with herself.

“well, that’s-“ she pushed his arm away and stalked off a few steps. what was she s’posed to say? “that’s not fair. it can’t be my fault you stay. you’re bein’ stupid! you’re just lookin’ for a reason to stay here ‘cause... I dunno! are you scared? what is it really?”

this was going almost as badly as dean had thought it would. "jesus lee, why can't it be that? what is so hard to believe?" he was raising his voice and he hated doing it, especially negatively. he took a breath and lowered his voice. 

"i'm not lookin' for excuses to stay, i have plenty of those that would have been much easier than this-" he gestured at her. "but those aren't worth it." he ran a hand threw his hair. "you're really gonna make me fuckin' say it aren't you? i love you, okay? i love you and i'll stay here with absolutely no remorse if you want me to."

she stared at him incredulously, shakin' her head. why was he doin' this now? no matter how he was feelin' in the moment or whatever bullshit he was tellin' himself, this wasn't fair. how'd he expect her to respond? "it's hard to believe 'cause you're my best friend and i can't understand why the hell you'd throw everything away for- for me! whadda i got that you can't find anywhere in the world?" 

 "don't say it- hey! stop sayin' it!" she wanted to curse herself out or maybe even cry, but she swallowed it all down and steeled herself. tell him to go, lee. right thing to do. tell him to go. "you can't make me do that. that is not fair, dean. just... get in the goddamn car and go make somethin' of yourself." if he still thinks he loves after seein' all the world has to offer, then... he'll be crazy, but... he can come find her then. after he's had a chance to get outta dodge.

"i'm not makin' you do anything!" he rubbed his forehead, his frustration growing by the second. "do you understand what happens if i go?! do ya?! if i go, i'm goin'. i don't know when i'll be back- if i'll be back, how long they're going to sign me for! it could be years, lee. if you're okay with that then-" he shook his head and held his arms out in surrender, "then i'll go."

lee clenched her jaw tight and let him get it all out. this was not how she’d expected this goodbye to go. she’d wanted to give him a big ole hug and wave him down the street. but this...? was mean. 

 she felt betrayed. how could she put it on her whether he turned his life around or not? but she kept her voice level. “i get it, dean. it’s like startin’ a new life. and you deserve it, ‘cause you’re good, and not just at football, and you worked hard for this so, yeah... i’m okay with you goin’.”

dean wasn’t sure what he expected. but even though he assumed she’d tell him to go, he’d thought the confession of love might at least be mutual. his watch started beeping again. he pressed it again, this time turning the alarm off permanently. “so that’s it? fine. whatever you want lee.” 

he wasn’t sure what to do at this point. she didn’t seem to see him as more than a friend so he definitely wouldn’t be kissing her. was he supposed to hug her even after this conversation? he lingered a few seconds to make sure she had nothing else to say or do before he spoke. “guess i’m leavin’ then.”

lee was gripping her hands like an old lady, channeling all the stress of this moment into her fingers. she shook her head, trying not to scoff. this wasn’t what she wanted. why’d he have to do this now, when he was leavin’? lee’d gone all these years thinkin’ he was her best friend, but he was in love with her? and he waited to tell her ‘til he was gonna leave for who knows how long? it wasn’t about her. it wasn’t her choice. if it was, she’d be boltin’ no matter how she felt. 

this was too big of a chance to waste. even if she loved him too. but she couldn’t tell in five minutes when he sprung it on her like that! so she didn’t have a choice. and now he’d prob’ly never talk to her again. 

 “good luck,” she said after a moment. “you’re gonna be great.”