Justice. The word echoed in his mind, taunting him with the oaths he had sworn yet failed to uphold. How could he have strayed so far from doing what was right? There was no faith left in himself or from others, just disappointment after disappointment.
He hid from his responsibilities like a coward. Briggs' warning rang in his ears - if he continued on this path, he would lose everything, and he knew it all too well. It wasn't a new feeling; it was something that happened all too frequently, and he had no one to blame but himself.
The guilt he carried was too heavy; it clung to him no matter how hard he tried to outrun it. There was a desperate longing inside him, pleading to get out, to admit the painful truth. He hadn't killed with his own hands, but his words had forced the deadly events into motion. All it took was baiting Nathan to attack. And that was enough for Gertie to get involved, to put herself in harm's way. Maybe the OEA would have gone after her regardless, but by drawing attention to them, TJ might as well have signed her death warrant.
The guilt drove him to this, confront one person who deserved answers, who could see the face of the person responsible. What terrified TJ wasn't the prospect of his life, it was not the thought of whatever torture they could do to him, he had no sense of self-preservation - he actively looked for this, as if that was enough to be forgiven for mistakes. What was his confession, his desire for someone to seek their own justice on him going to do other than keep opening wounds? Wounds that he made, and maybe he was trying to heal them, but they kept festering.
"You knew her," he said, voice cracking as he stepped in front of the man. "The elderly lady. Gertrud."
@traegics (closed for Lucas)
