#c log

I decided to try having a cigarette just now that I'm home and honestly, I did not like it. It made me feel nauseous and just overall gross which I'm weirdly happy about it. The satisfaction of smoking is gone, poof.

I asked one of our close customers for her advice on substitutions for smoking because I'd really like to get this phase of my life out of my system and she gave me a really good lecture that honestly scared the fuck out of me so I'm searching for other habits to make so I can break that one. After work I'm going to Walmart to get milk because McKenna is bringing me Cap'n Crunch tomorrow and I told him I'd get the milk and I think I'm also going to pick up some art supplies and maybe some new canvases or a new sketchbook so I can find things to do instead of smoking. It's 3:51 PM and I haven't had a cigarette today or even really a craving for one, which is good. I just hope this lasts.

I've decided to really give this quitting this a shot. I found an app that sends me reminders when I don't check in and helps me keep track of how many cigarettes I have per day and I think this will really help. I've made my quit day goal to be October 9th, which is the day before I make my trip to Orlando and I'm going to really try to stick with it. I've had three today and that's all I'm letting myself have.

I actually woke up to my alarm this morning and had enough time to make coffee and put eyeliner on and to be completely honest, I feel really good. I feel cute and bubbly and I'm really alright this morning. I'm opening with my favorite coworker Camila this morning and I'm super psyched because I love working with her. I think today is going to be a really good day and if anyone tries to fuck it up, I'm going to slap someone. Also, I don't feel any cravings or temptations this morning which is good. I've decided to keep a log in my phone of how many cigarettes I have a day and yesterday was only 5, which is pretty good for me considering I used to go through a pack a day. But I'm relieved because when I did smoke yesterday, it was more out of habit than it was craving so that's some sort of progress I guess.

I've had a couple minor setbacks in my attempts for a fresh start and I'm not proud of them but I'm proud at how far I've gotten just these past three days alone. I've been trying to quit smoking and it hasn't been working as well as I'd hoped but it's working a lot better than I expected. On Monday, it was the start to all of this and I did alright up until I got home from work. I had been busy all day and didn't really think about it and next thing I know, I'm 8 cigarettes later. While I'm disappointed in myself for even touching one, it's a big step from my usual pack a day. Yesterday was a little tough because I had been on the patio which is my biggest weakness and I had blown through almost a full pack with my dad's roommate. I decided I was really going to try today because I hate feeling so dependent on something that drains my bank account and isn't benefiting me so I stayed in bed until almost 1 PM and I made myself a nice meal and felt the slight craving for it but not as dire as usual so I decided to feed my demons and give in. What I'm proud of is the fact that it didn't feel as satisfying as usual, it felt more like alright what's the big deal. I'm sitting here, it's 7 PM and I have had four cigarettes today. I have no more and I will not buy more. I've made an immense amount of progress today and I'm very proud of myself for how far I have come already. Granted, the fact that I have smoked isn't something that most would be proud of but I've got a great support system at work who cheered me on when I said I wanted to quit and even understood when I said that I had a setback. They've been so great to me these past 6 months of my employment there and I'm really excited to see what the future holds in both my personal and business life.