My main goal in writing this is to let you girls reading this that you are not alone. We are in this together! Most people reading this probably won’t know what this is. So here is a little overview. Mrkh stands for the 4 doctors that found/diagnosed the syndrome. It is when a girl hits puberty and they fail to menstruate. Their reproductive system is underdeveloped, but ovaries are fully functional. It affects 1 out of 4500-5000 and about 75,000 girls in the US have it. Want to know more look it up haha. Also,We are 1 billion % girl!!!!! :) this is all over the place and extremely long so apologies in advance! :)

Ok… When I was 16 I found out I had mrkh syndrome. Having mrkh can be a traumatic experience, everything that you have to go through to get diagnosed. Luckily for me it wasn’t as traumatic as some story’s I have read, but still for a 16 year old still trying to figure out my purpose in life and dealing with teen drama/ issues on top of mrkh makes it a traumatic experience. I remember the first doctors visit at the hospital. The doctor told me that when I go home I will probably get my period, that, that usually happens. It took several months, before I found out. I had doctor appt., ultrasounds and then I finally had an MRI.   After the MRI, I had left for a school trip wondering… The wierd thing about that trip was one of the last nights before returning back home, the girls were talking about deep dark secrets. Oooo. Well, I didn’t have any and one girl said don’t worry if bad things haven’t happened to you yet, they will just wait…

When I came back home, my parents sat me down ( which whenever you have to sit down with your parents and have a talk, that’s never a good sign). :) so I sat down and they told me the news. I really didn’t know how to take it or how to respond. I guess looking back, it was a shock to me. I was making jokes, like I have my own birth control and so on. Before finding out I thought I was the luckiest girl not getting a period. I thought it was just the coolest thing. A blessing from God. I never wanted a period. Well be careful what you wish for. Right? My wish came true!

 The news didn’t quite sink in until I was about 17. I was down and not myself, but didn’t know why. I fell away from God. I was angry and asked why me? Then in the summer I think it was, I saw the movie Soul Surfer. That movie really spoke to me and I felt like I could really relate to it. Bethany Hamilton lost her arm and that got me thinking. Everyone can relate to this movie because everybody has lost something or has had some kind of disappointment. Whether it be losing a favorite stuffed animal, to losing a loved one or losing a dream, etc. I had lost a dream. A dream to carry my own child… I also heard a great bible verse that is one of my favorites and I refer to it often. It is Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord. Plans to prosper, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

After that, I slowly became closer to God and I’m happy to say I’m in a great place with him now. I now know why this happened to me. No I don’t believe that he gave me mrkh, but he didn’t “reverse” it I guess you could say. I am a strong believer in things happen for a reason and sometimes you don’t know why that thing happened to you, but you later figure it out. So I believe mrkh happened to me and others, because we are strong enough to handle it and won’t let it bring us down. We are warriors who keep fighting the battle! Until recently I have found others with mrkh and you may be thinking that you can do it alone and don’t need support. I know the feeling you just want to not face it and try to make it disappear like its a nightmare, you just haven’t woken up yet. You want to try to avoid the situation. But trust me, finding support is the best thing you can do. The feeling of knowing that you really aren’t alone and there are a good number of girls out there with mrkh. There are great support groups out there like beautifulyoumrkh. And there are great people out there who are very supporting and there for you when you need it. Support is the best thing to do. We can’t do this alone! The first person I met her name is Meredith and I met her on YouTube. and the 2nd person I got in contact with was (miss USA), I mean miss Michigan Jaclyn Schultz. :) They both are wonderful and amazing women! Great role models.They inspired me to write this and speak out about mrkh.

This is wierd and random. but when I see others with mrkh, ESP. Young girls i forget about myself for a minute and feel bad and get sad for them. Its weird… (if that didn't make sense, I apologize, because it made sense in my head). I also see people that have had mrkh for over 10 yrs. and it strikes me like I forget you have it forever, because you forget and for a minute you think it goes away as time goes on.

The high school years can be difficult and awkward when girls are talking about their periods. You just sit there with your awkward smile and listen hoping/trying not to get involved. Just listening. For some reason, you get mad at yourself. But the truth is it's a normal girl thing/bodily function. and they don’t know about mrkh unless you tell them. To me talking about pads and tampons are awkward haha. Probably because I don’t experience that side of the world. :)

This sounds silly but now 19 yrs. old I am thankful for mrkh. I feel blessed. we defiantly got the lucky end of the stick or straw because if you think of it, we could have it way worse. There are pro’s and cons. But when I look at it there are more pro’s than cons! One of my pet peeves are when people are so negative and just complain about mrkh. We can’t let that define who we are and let it bring us down and let it rule us. I understand that sometimes there are bad days and that’s ok, but not all the time. Try to find the positive in the negative find the perfection in the imperfection. 1. One thing you can put down on your thank you list is that we are 110% healthy!

It took me a long time to look at this as a positive and to be ok with it. Until recently I did not talk about it. Not many people know about it but I hope to just slowly let it out of its box. I recently told a friend and when you tell a friend for the first time it is so relieving and feels great. For the longest time it was a secret. It’s crazy how easy it is to hide. all you have to do is put on your mask and smile. it’ crazy how easy it is to hide something it’s kind of bad… but It is nothing to be ashamed about because mrkh is something that just happened and is out of our control. But I do caution you when telling people. I’m out of high school now, but when in high school take a little caution, because I almost spilled to people I thought I trusted and am so glad that I didn’t. It is a great thing to tell people and great when you feel comfortable. I finally am in the right position and in the right place at the right time! if you're ready to tell people just be 100 maybe 200% that it is what you want to do. Once out it can’t be taken back! What surprised me was how supportive everyone is. If they aren’t supportive and accepting, they aren’t your real, true friends.

Through this experience I have learned so many things to trust God and let him have control of my life. Is it hard? 100% it is hard but that is what needs to happen. My biggest fear is what the future holds because of course I do not know. There are a lot of uncertainties. But I just have to give it up to God. I have to remind myself that he has a plan for me.

Mrkh makes us who we are today. Another maybe pro. We are forced to grow up faster and mature faster. Mrkh makes us one of a kind. It makes us unique and separates us from the rest. mrkh is a “flaw” but an ok one.Ok going back to Soul Surfer, Just like Bethany Hamilton didn’t give up on her dream, we won’t give up on our dream. We will keep pressing on. I am very thankful that we can still have kids one way or another , either through adoption or surrogacy! I see how parents look at their children. They just have this huge smile. So when we have children they will be extra special and our miracles!