#byegender

The day was January 31, 2015. The time was 6:55 (I checked). The winter breeze was setting in as I texted my dear friend Caroline, “I’m on my way.” Earlier that day I had made arrangements to watch a film called Reefer Madness with Caroline and the memefucker themself: Rowan. On my way there, I decided to pick up a cookie tote from McDonald’s per memefucker’s request. (Someone still owes me $1.30 for that btw) Anyway, eventually we're all at memefucker's house having a good time, watching Reefer Madness, eating cookies. Then Reefer Madness ends. What do we do now? We're searching netflix trying to find something worth watching, and we don't. Next option? Cheetah Girls. My childhood right there in film form. Memefucker over here isn't feeling it but caroline and I are fuckin downtown with charlie fuckin brown and we're about to have a dandy fuckin time. Then we learn that ROWAN has never seen cheetah girls! WTF??? So I'm like alright we gotta watch it. I take their phone away so they can fully take in the experience of watching the cinematic masterpiece that is the Disney Channel Original Movie "The Cheetah Girls." They're over here like "hey give me my phone back I promise I'll pay attention!" I'm like "alright pinky promise for me." This memefucker PINKY PROMISED that they wouldn't get on their phone during the cinematic masterpieces that is the Disney Channel Original Movie "The Cheetah Girls" starring Raven-Symonè. Guess what they did. THEY GOT ON THEIR PHONE. Alright so in my head I'm like "That's the last straw. Not paying attention during the Cheetah Girls? I gotta put a hex on this bitch." 5 minutes later guess what they say.... "I'm feeling sick.." Did I do that? Was that my hex? DAMN FUCKIN RIGHT don't you dare break a pinky promise. Anyway what happens next is all a product of the witchcraft spell I put on them. I take their phone away again, and they come try to take it from me and they accidentally touch my penis. Through my jeans but still their hand made contact indirectly. Keep in mind, they are very lesbian, and I am very gay. Those things don't mix. Especially when it comes to touching my penis. So we're both freaking out a little bit, and then about 30 minutes later they run into the bathroom, but me and caroline don't notice until we hear some puking noises. By now I'm thinking to myself "I'm a fucking wizard or something. I just caused this fucker over here to touch my dick and then to start puking all through my witchcrafting powers. Then their dad comes rushing down the stairs completely shirtless looking like the shirtless suburban dad that he is, then he rushes into the bathroom trying to help or something I guess??? and then me and Caroline leave. That is the story. This whole thing might not make any sense or be as funny as I think it is but I like it a lot. So there.