#by.me

Linked text:

How do you talk to cishet housemates about being reminded how much society hates you? Especially if it's family? Even if they care? (Thread)

I read a post of a friend's thoughts regarding the murder of Scout Schultz a few hours ago. It hit me really hard & barely know the details.

As I finished reading, I was asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I didn't. I wanted to sit in my dark bedroom and stare at the ceiling.

How do you say that? How do you say "I'm hurting right now because I've seen more evidence society wants me dead so I want to zone out rn"

It's exhausting to need to communicate these things. Stuff that will fundamentally not be understood. That won't resonate cuz they're cis.

Other trans girls get it. "I read about a murder and want to not think about anything for a while" gets a "Of course, however long you need"

Cis people don't get it. They question. Want to know why. Don't realize it's the same topic. Same disturbing emotions on loop.

If I'm hurting, often I want that to stay vague. Helps me compartmentalize. Articulating all the emotions going on opens that can of worms.

I don't want to have to verbalize that I'm terrified of society and keep getting reminders why. That there is still so much hate & violence.

The alternative is not voicing it. It's easier. And thus family / friends don't realize how much we are hurting. It's an open wound.

How do u tell ppl you're scared all the time? That there's no easy solution? That they contribute to it? That no, it never stopped hurting?

This ties into social stigma of mental illness and chronic disability. "I thought you got better." and "You seemed so happy yesterday."

"Healthy" people don't like it when you can't fix your problems. When the same pain, the same difficulty, the same fear is reoccurring.

I struggled with depression for years. I was on medication and still struggled. I'm better at managing it now, but it's still there.

Eventually I got so tired of people not cluing in to why I was struggling. I started outright saying "it's the depression" and they stammer.

People want to think you can ~solve~ barriers. That with enough work and the right support things can be ~overcome~ and it goes away.

I've gotten stronger & am more unapologetically trans. I'm still terrified. And might feel this fear for the rest of my life. Anger masks it

A lot of the time, anger overshadows the fear. Anger at the mistreatment, the artificial barriers, the violence, the stigmatization, & more

But then I'm more afraid than angry and can't articulate it. I don't know how. I don't know where to start. I don't know who will understand

Cis people NEED to understand. NEED to know the news of violence. NEED to see the frequency. NEED to see the pain. NEED to be an active part

Cis people MUST be proactive and aware independently. Trans people have an excess on our plate already.

I'm too exhausted sometimes to voice just how much. I didn't tell my mom I was reminded I'm hated by society. I watched a movie. Was silent.

I'm out of words. I don't have answers; still don't know how to tell cis people how much I'm afraid & hurting. I don't believe they'd get it

Just spent the past 2 days working on this with @gendertruckery and @tibaltfiendblooded for the GMTKjam and it was great.

This also goes for Muslim women, disabled women, autistic women, women of colour, mentally ill women, Jewish women, sex worker women. So many people are in danger with the state of the world, and if you don’t explicitly include these groups in your activism / positivity, the default assumption is that they are not included.