#by liam

It’s been a very long while since I’ve ever posted anything. I’m sorry that this isn’t a happy post, but this is something that’s been eating at me for some time, and that I really would like to say somewhere.

There are some times where I just don’t feel happy interacting with you guys. As a group, we joke about how I can be weird or clueless, and often I take part and happily poke fun at myself too. Past a certain point, though, it stops being fun. We’re only halfway into this road trip, and I already feel like I can’t say anything without someone in the group making a joke at my expense, or trying to contradict me even when there’s nothing to argue about. Attempts to play team games end up with you guys ganging up on me, and even when I’m not around you still make fun of me behind my back. 

This isn’t anything particularly new; in fact, this has been going on since sophomore year, but now that almost all of us are constantly together it’s become a lot less pleasant. Back in college, no matter what stupid debates or stacked games we had, I could always go back to my room, do other things with my week, come back in a happy mood and enjoy everyone’s company. I can’t escape from you now, and I won’t be able to for another week.

You may not think that you, as an individual, are being particularly nasty or unpleasant, but when the comments you make are multiplied fourfold it starts to pile on pretty thick. I never see anybody defend or sympathize with me, and when I protest I am never taken seriously. You never take me seriously in general, and while that’s fine when I want to make you laugh or smile, it’s also demeaning and alienating: there are times when I don’t feel like I’m a part of this group, and times where I wish I wasn’t.