#buttonedblue

ashton’s fifth birthday. it’s not long after nicholas’s eighth. nicholas earns a guitar, and more than anything, ashton wishes he had received it instead. his time isn’t long after, getting his own guitar at eight too. however, at this point, nicholas already has more experience. ashton feels as though this is a competition with his brother, and he’s losing. 

nicholas became interested in science as a child, and ashton followed soon after. the two of them were sent to science-related summer camps on many occasions. in many aspects, he was similar to his brother. their passions, their drive, and their quick tempers. however, nicholas lacked much of the gentle heart that ashton had. they often got in fights, wanting to be better than one another. nicholas was usually the one to turn them physical – not abnormal for most siblings. when ashton was ten, he had snapped at his brother and received a bloody nose. he was about to give his brother one in return, yet his mother immediately responded to the scene and pulled the two of them apart. much to his dismay, nicholas was grounded for a month.

ashton is twelve, sitting in his room listening to music. he sits up and looks in the mirror, combing long brown hair behind his ears. this feeling that something is missing in his life has finally settled in. he doesn’t understand it, and he’s scared. the last person he wants to tell is his brother, and his father is now very active at work once more. his mother is the only option, yet he doesn’t know how to vocalize this to her yet. 

ashton began to fade from his family. he spent more time away from home. he began to dress in more vintage clothing, searching for a way to discover himself. he needed to fill this void within him where something was missing. brighter, more extroverted, he soon became one of the most popular figures at his school. time and time again, young boys flirted with ashley. it wasn’t quality – they were just children – yet it was a distraction. he inherited his grandfather’s old record player, so when he did have to be home, he was often listening to various old records in his room. there were too many times that he sat in his room and sobbed, completely unhappy in his body and searching for some sort of solution. many of these times, his parents wouldn’t be home. his brother wouldn’t be attentive. while he had a loving family, he felt alone. 

fourteen. ashton has reached his breaking point. he slowly makes his way down the steps of his home, tears welled in his eyes. everyone is finally present, his mother and father giving nicholas a talk from across the living room. julianne’s warm eyes meet ashton as he approaches, concern filling her motherly heart as she notices the pain in her child’s eyes. she asks what the matter is, and finally a confession comes out. her child wants to be a boy. it’s killing him inside, it’s breaking his entire world apart. he begs her to still love him and just please, please get him help. 

she’s the first to come around. she hugs her son happily, reassuring him that they’ll do whatever they need to do. nicholas and thomas are not as convinced. however, thomas comes around soon thanks to his wife’s gentle yet prodding heart. nicholas is the last to come around. he doesn’t want to face this reality. he thinks it’s fake. it breaks ashton’s heart. 

julianne helps ashton cut his hair and get into clothes that truly make him feel comfortable. she helps him pick out this new name, ashton, instead of ashley. julianne and her husband help their son get on hormones. the main thing they want for their children is success. without this, ashton will not be happy and focused. he will not be successful. if he needs to transition, he can do it as early as possible to give him the highest chances for success in the real world. 

with this new appearance and name, he has to come out. he needs people to know the pronouns he wants to use. he’s becoming a boy now. due to his popularity as ashley, most of his peers take the news pretty well. however, others do not. his popularity becomes knocked down a few pegs. in the moment, it stings. as he becomes older, he realizes that it’s the most insignificant thing to happen in his life. 

there are a few incidents at school. someone tries to pick a fight with ashton due to this new identity. nicholas goes to his school yet does not try to back up his brother. ashton is fifteen at the time while nicholas is eighteen, ready to graduate. he’s going to be out of there soon, he says. it doesn’t even matter. 

when they return home after school, it becomes physical. ashton yells at his brother for not defending him, that quick temper soon learning how to verbally manipulate others in fights. you don’t love me, he shouts, for if his brother loved him, he shouldn’t let those things happen to him. you don’t love me, he repeats, because you can’t accept that i’m no longer a girl. i’m more like you than i’ve ever been and you can’t handle it because you’re worried i’ll finally be better. ashton receives yet another bloody nose, yet this time, it’s broken. nicholas has the decency to take ashton to the hospital. he notifies his mother, who’s soon to rush to pick ashton up. before she can make it to the hospital, nicholas bails. he’s decided that he’s staying with a friend for the next few days. 

when nicholas finally returns home, thomas and julianne are quick to discipline him again. not only grounded, yet julianne yells at her son for once in her life. she tells him that he needs to accept his brother for who he is because their family is incredibly important. those two have grown up together. they love each other. she knows it. nicholas just needs to show it. 

the talk helps him. time passes, and he apologies. genuinely apologizes. he wants to learn more about how ashton’s feeling and what he’s going through. maybe he hasn’t been the greatest brother in the past and he needs to learn to control his own temper, yet he’s trying now. he wants to be good. 

ashton is sixteen. he finally receives his top surgery. this is his last step. he’ll be able to change all of his legal documents over now before he even applies to colleges. his mother, father, and brother all show up for the surgery, despite his brother having to skip one of his college classes. it’s a loving, supportive endeavor. his family is willing to spend every penny that they need to for ashton to be happy. 

at this point, nicholas is no longer living in the household. he’s in a dorm at a college, studying physics. however, that’s only what it says on paper. he doesn’t care as much about the science anymore, compared to his passion as a child. he cares for athleticism and his music. the degree is merely a cover to make julianne and thomas happy – the fowlers have to be successful, after all. they have to graduate college. 

ashton believes that he’s responsible. the popularity is back. he’s extroverted and transitioning well. his parents aren’t around too often, so he hosts parties. why not? well... he’ll never forget the time that he posted about the party on snapchat and his brother, genuinely worried about ashton’s safety later in the night, notified his parents. that one didn’t end so well.

eighteen. ashton is accepted to the university of his dreams, and he plans on studying chemistry. he’s still passionate about the science. music is his hobby, but science is what he wants to do with his life. his parents ship him off to dorm life, and he has never looked back. this was the defining moment for the fowler household. without their children, julianne and thomas could take a break, yet instead they continue to work. they are often absent. they have no children to look after when they return home. 

ashton absolutely loves his college experience. he rarely ever returns home. perhaps he’ll stop by on a weekend every so often, yet he’ll likely only find his mother back at the house. his father may be on a conference trip somewhere. his brother certainly won’t return home. he has his own place now, and he’s trying to make a career for himself. the older he gets, the more ashton connects with his mother. she’s his backbone when times get tough. 

everything changes after the particle accelerator explosion. ashton gains these unforeseen powers, now living as a telekinetic. he doesn’t tell anyone. not his closest friends, not his family, not even his beloved mother. he wants to keep both them and himself safe. even as he grows as a hero, more confident and trained, he doesn’t tell them. even when he needs to go to a hospital due to his wounds as a vigilante, he won’t. his family will be billed, and he can’t have them knowing what’s going on with him. 

he doesn’t contact them as much. a call and text here and there. often times he can’t send them pictures of himself, knowing they’ll ask too many questions about the occasional black eye or scratches to his features. it’s inevitable. he loves them dearly, even his brother, yet he cannot put them at risk.