#buttfest

COME DOWN TO BYRON AND CELEBRATE COLON-IZATION WITH SOME EXTREME TWERKING

sorry cant talk..,.,. on secret assignment in buttfest bay teaching the rich and famous astral butt yoga on covert astral bandwidths that not even the best cia and illumanatti agents can decode....anyway looks like were going to get this place recoginzed as one of the major arsehole capitals in the universe with the Byron Bay International Extreme Twerkers for World Peace festival....keep your eyes open. This is going to be gargantuan.

The most powerful powerbutts from across the multiverse all gathered together on the far north eastern nsw coast for a very extraordinary event of extreme twerking.

The mysterious man of mystic muscle manipulations Flex Mentallo (esteemed for turning the pentagon into a circle, he knows about the men from nowhere just in case you've been living under a cone of silence for the like the last twenty years or something and imagine that 'hero of the beach' halo floating up there in the sky above the main beach car park) will be making a very rare public appearance as guest Mc to judge the most powerful booty twerkers, and offer free advice an how to better harness the enigmatic force of a power butt when it flexes its gristle.

Mystical way of the twerking powerbutt warrior worshops will be taking place.

Those alchemical genius's at Byron pizza are, as we go to press devising the ingredients of a delicious secret recipie for a momentous butt lovers pizza and Byron burgers will be serving booty burgers with cute little cracks down the center of the upper buns.

Those bards, wordsmiths and poets at Byron theater company have crafted an exclusive, extreme twerking adaption of Lord of the Rings one, two and three.

They will be performing the adapted rendition in the community center theater over the weekend.

All the south americans are here. And you know how excited they get about their booties.

This is just the beginning of tapping into an extremely lucrative sustainable untapped natural resource.

Ar$ehole$.

Come down to the bay to celebrate COLONization with an extraordinary weekend of extreme twerking.

Just google "Byron Bay buttfest' and down load the app with the twerking emoji.

The twerking emoji will lead you to special events on around town.

An if the illumanatti sellout cia council and those Holloway thugs put up their 'No Twerking' signs just ignore them. We all twerk here. They cant stop us.

THE BIG BUTT

If, as we expect, the festival is a financial success we have some long term plans; to construct Australias first big butt somewhere around main beach which will be 39 times as big as the big pinapple the big prawn and the big bannana combined.

Poets and bards and minstrels will travel from all directions to compose poetry and write more songs about the big butt than the dog on the tucker box.

The drafts are still floating around council but with enough money from multinational conglomerate sponsors and cia agents it looks like we will be able to build an artifical butt so gargantuan that it will cast a momentous shadow over Ballina, probably all the way to Lismore. When the sun goes down the big butt will come to life with zillions of tasteful flourescent l.e.d.s so bright that the majectic neon glow will be observed from western New Zealand.

From certain points within the shire at certain times the big butt will resemble a second moon orbiting the earth Migrating birds and moths will flock to it.

And when the byron film festival comes around the big butt will be serve as a supercolossal screen to feature premier movies, as it will be possible to project two illumanatti cia approved mind control feature presentations onto the gargantuan arse simultaneously, one on each cheek(39 times as big as the big bannana pinaple and prawn combined) so the affluent illumanatti american film people are extremely enthusiastic about the project.

It will light up the whole shire at night so those pesky homeless drunken, drug affected crazy looser locals wont be able to creep out of any bushes and disturb the rich tourists for their loose change while they're trying to have a holiday.

ASTRAL BUTT YOGA

Ive been extremely busy teaching a grueling regime of extreme astral butt yoga classes, getting everyone prepared for the big event. If anyone needs any special astral butt yoga training before the big festival please message me but remember astral butt yoga is not a practice to be undertaken lightly the butt is like a very sensetive yet unoticed antenae for extremely powerful telluric underworld currents and if the nessesary warm ups, mantras and mental visualizations are not performed, if the student is not ready, horrific unspeakable accidents can and do happen.

As a matter of fact at a certain international booty twerking festival I attended recently in small south american town(who's name i cant mention as the accident was a harrowing harbinger of misfortune for the unfortunate village, i hesitate to mention the frightful episode at all) a certain Miss M(we cant mention her name either as the incident was absolutely devastating and a great embarrasement to the family) who was a very powerful and naturaly talented twerker but from what id herd she'd been trying to hone her abilities and save money by learning astral butt yoga from some uncertified unscrupulous teachers. And the south americans get very excited about their booties and their butt festivals and miss M was there wanting the prize money and the trophy and her first step on the booty twerking world circuit but she had not learnt astral butt yoga correctly. She had not performed the proper warm ups or visualizations and mantras .

Did you know when blasted out the sphincter at high velocity the human larger intestine can measure over thirty feet long. And shot into a crowd of exited crazy screaming contorted south americans waving their arms around in horror, at accelerated speed!

They become awkwardly entangled in the entrails of the unfortunate miss M

My word!

What occured on that grim and fateful day was what medical science would classify as an 'anal prolapse into a distressed crowd' but this goes nowhere near describing the execrable abhorance of the most disturbing projectile prolapse ejaculated into a tangled up crowd of alarmed and crazy south Americans i have ever wittnessed (and as a qualified astral butt yoga teacher i have seen a few pretty bad anal prolapses) the poor unfortunate miss M litteraly first emptied her stomach then her intestines and organs all over a very traumatized tangled bloody audience all trying to escape in different directions.

All entwined together by the gizzards of the late MS M. Buckets went around and they scrapped up Miss Ms internal parts as best they could, picking bits of liver and kidney out of each others hair scrapping stomach acid out of their eyes and off their shirts and unraveling intestines from their writhing entwined limbs. They sent it all to the hospital along with her epiderm to try put her back together again but the festival as a disaster, a very bad omen for the town. So bad that I hesitate to write of the event.

And Ms M never was quite the same again, her butt became terribly lumpy, she grew sullen and meloncholy and ceased to communicate.

Any way the whole point of this very unpalatable tale, which i hesitate to mention at all, is that if anything like that were to happen at the first ever Byron Internation Booty Twerking festival it could be devestating for tourism on east coast nsw . And face it a lot of people talk a lot of shit especialy around Byron especialy the south Americans and especaily about astral butt yoga so if you need any lessons before the big event please message me and i will message you the appropriate times and astral frequencies or some other reputable extreme astral butt yoga professional.

It has also come to my attention of late that in this bleak yuga of lies and delusion that there have been some very contriving agents, (sponsored by illumanatti cia family members in the corrupt sold out council, hard at work to undermine the very base fabric of our society), trained in secret spy schools on the gold coast, teaching a completely heinous regime of what they are referring to as 'R-soul archeology'. The children of agents digging up some heinous shit. they are dangerous cia false flagging agents leading a dark and dangerous completely fraudulent and unfounded bogus butt practice where the guilable initiate is likely to be led and then left hopelessly lost up their own sphincter. Not only that, the whole practice seems to be form of psychic cia butt control!

They are sending out trained agents to control and manipulate the hidden antennae in your butts!

So if you are unfortunate enough to encounter anyone claiming to be a teacher of the 'R-soul archeology' agenda know that your butt and its freedom are in extreme danger.

And remember the ancient texts specificly state astral butt yoga is only for the very rich. Poor people do not understand astral butt yoga. The anntennae in their butts dont work properly that is why they are poor. Astral butt yoga practice could result in damage to themselves and those around them. Thats what the ancient texts say: the only way a poor person could become an astral butt yogi is if they happened to have a particularly auspiciuos butt. So dont message for astral butt yoga classes unless you are either very rich or have an auspicious butt.

And remember a power butt is a dangerous weapon, harder to stop than even a bulldozer.

I sensed that there was some massive psychic interference to the astral butt yoga frequencies i was teaching on in last weeks class I think its those C.I.A properties(sponsord by illumanatti crime money) at watagoes beach they got some trained psychics from the american army industrial complex who bought property over there in the nineties near aboriginal power sites : jaming my psychic signals,(perhaps its the big phone tower High force control built up koon yum recently)

...... so if you missed the last important exercise in last weeks class it was: while crouching in bald ucari pose reach up toward the pink floss clouds, the vaprous mist exhaled from the cavernous nostrils of the purple dragon of the eastern dusk with left hand then twist elbow and congeal, transmute it into the moisturizer elixir of the perfect power butt, breathing the energy into the right butt cheek which is simultaneously perky whilst also being pourous like a fancy new sponge.

Massage the elixir moisturizer of the perfect power butt, gift of the eastern dragon, into the receptive right butt cheek with a firm left hand rotating the butt cheek nine times in a desoil direction, and then three times widdershins, simultaneously grabbing the left aceterbulum with right hand pushing down toward the obturator foramen and tensing left cheek to the size of a pea then releasing so that it expands to encompass the entire universe then shrinks the universe back down to the size of a pea once more(it is important than you visualize a miniturized version of the universe as vividly as possible) 39 times in quick succession.

Then finish off with the buddha's butt practice: sitting down upon the earth, your sphinter is a pulsing fountain of wild boiling hot lava exploding up from the center of the earth, up your spine then out the top of your skull as chinese fireworks into the realms of the celestial dragons in the heavens. The left butt cheek is a disgruntled herd of furious war elephants with sub base wolfers on the soles of their feet stampeding, stomping an widdershins circle 93 times around its circumfrence dispelling all distractions and obstructions to butt practice. BOOM BOOM BOOM.

The right butt cheek is raucus out of control carnival of mad drunken dancing saints banging gongs and blowing horns and shouting nonsense: dispelling all ignorance and delusion.

Faster and faster the war elephants stampede and circle!

More rowdy and more drunken and raucus do the chorus of mad dancing saints become until all obstruction ignorance and delusion is disolved.

Then the herd of war elephants and mad drunken saints dissolve and transmute into the 10000 butts of pure compassion.

You are sitting upon the 10,000 butts of pure compassion and bliss and understanding radiating the nectar of love and gratitude deep into the earth. 10,000 sphicters pulsing like invisible oil drills to the core of the earth drawing up lava from the earths core and sending out through the top of the skull as celestial fire works.

Your butt cheeks tingle and glow with joy and compassion.

You become the buddha of 10000 butts.

Everywhere you go you will sit contented upon your 10000 butts everywhere you go you will find prosperity.

Who needs cerebellum slurping wrathful gaurdians of dharma when you've got 10 000 extreme twerking power butts full of war elephants and crazy saints.

booom!

For your own personal safety and those around you PLEASE DO NOT EVEN PONDER CONTEMPLATING THESE PRACTICES UNLESS YOU ARE ENROLLED IN MY ASTRAL BUTT YOGA CLASS.

And remember if you don't keep up to date with your butt yoga fees we have frequencies that can posses your butt within a radius of 10s of thousands of kilometers, demons and malific spirits, direaha, hemroids, prehensile piles: if we want we can liquify all your internal organs and cause them to drip out your butt hole in agonizing dollops until all thats left of you is a deflated epiderm and an acrid puddle.