#burstart

Evelyn sat tall in the coffee shop, a small stack of papers splayed in front of her. She loved what she did and should could honestly ay Evelyn sat tall in the coffee shop, a small stack of papers splayed in front of her. She loved what she did and should could honestly say not a single day at work felt like work, but sometimes marking papers did get repetitive. Even if the test-takers were adorable six year-olds. She let her mind wander as her finger traced the edge of her coffee cup. She spaced out, the music from her headphones overwhelming all her other senses and pulling her from the real world. Without her noticing someone had stopped at a table and was gently calling for her attention. Evelyn pulled herself from her daze to offer a friend smile. “I’m not using the chair if you want to take it or sit down.”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Preston was saying to the girl at the bar, shrugging his shoulders. “If you want to buy me a drink, fine, but I’m not going to buy you one. There’s only so long I can pretend to listen to you about... whatever it is you were talking about. Really your best hope is to get me drunk, because that’s the only way I’d ever go home with you.” The slap he received was no real surprise as the girl turned on her heel and left Preston rubbing his cheek. Noticing that someone had been watching the exchange as he glanced around, he just shrugged. “Women, am I right? I just came here for a peaceful drink. Besides... who has that kind of money?”

so earlier today, i was eating lunch in the park because it was a sunny day, why not ?? and this six year old boy approached me and started making conversation about meaningless things. and then all of the sudden, i am being bombarded with water balloons full of mayonnaise, and i realized i have been pranked by a six year old and his buddies. and the last thing i heard him say before running off was “ that’s what you get for eating in the park by yourself, loser !! “ first of all, i fuckin’ hate mayo, so i was gagging all the way home, covered in this shit, and second of all, how the fuck did those little kids get the mayonnaise inside the balloons in the first place ?? also may i add, i am no loser. but i may still cry about it. it is just not my week. fuckin’ mayo, of all things. mayo. i have found a new reason to hate kids.

so i’m gonna tell you a story about what happened to me last night. hold on to youe fuckin’ britches, because it’s one wild ride. so last night my friend and i decided to go out to a club, since i have a fake i.d. and i enjoy the cool lights, fruity drinks and nice music, i was like why not ?? so after waiting in line for an hour, we finally got in. only about forty-five minutes in, my friend is so wrecked and she started getting into an argument with this guy because he squeezed her ass. so after a while he said “ you better shut your mouth, woman “ and at that moment, i lost it, and took the opportunity to pounce, because that is one of the worst things a man can ever say, in my opinion, and i don’t even remember what all i did, but i slapped him a few times and pulled his hair a bit, while my friend hopped onto his back. so after that, we were both dragged out by bodyguards, and now i have bruises on my arms the shape of the bodyguard’s meaty fingers. so that is why i am going to just hang out with you guys, and that is also why i am writing a strongly worded email to the owner of the club. 

i never thought that one day i would have to endure taking care of someone who had their wisdom teeth removed but low and behold, someone had begged their mom long enough for a lukewarm caramel macchiato that she gave in and brought her into the store. the thing is, i don’t think this mom knew that her daughter couldn’t suck through a straw and after this kid dislodged the blood clots from her mouth, i had to step in to help her while her mother nearly had a panic attack. now, who said starbucks was boring?

so i went grocery shopping today since there have been many complaints of me being lazy and “needing to take on my responsibilities” or whatever. but no one provided me with a list so i hope you like the assortment of junk food in the cabinets. you’re welcome. how’s that for doing my job ?? we’ve got twinkies, oreos, mac n cheese, chips, dinosaur nuggets, zebra cakes, oh my !!