#bunso

buJAH being a carefree happy kid. 🥰

Prince of maiz 🌽

A smart girl who top her class

A little bit boyish, naughty and pesky

That I often scolded when she's pissing me.

Ate may got annoyed at you for wanting to be like her;

Using her slippers, sandals,shoes, and high heels

dresses lipsticks and make-ups

Thing that aren't fit you yet.

"Ate" your so called "itut"

Who doesn't give you when your asking for a peso or five

When you're using her phone

She sends you outside home.

"Ate" the one you called a "tiger"

The one who weeps you

When her commands aren't done by you

Corrects you from right to wrong.

Ate loves you from the heart.

No matter how much you argue, you cannot be drawn apart.

You're a joy that cannot be taken away

You entered her heart where you meant to stay.

Ate just want you to grow strong

Now she realized her ways are wrong

And She's willing to give you all you want

Because you and your happiness is all she want.

Bunso, by, I'm your ate

And I'm very sorry

Coz I'm too late

You're gone.

https://www.facebook.com/100046124836550/posts/141589457388548/?app=fbl

My hardest last goodbye😔

Hi Papa :')

Happy Father's Day! There is not a day that goes by where I don't at some point, miss you. Hindi lang halata, pero sobrang miss na kita.

Sorry for not greeting you on time. It pains me a lot remembering that you're no longer here with us. Nakakainggit yung iba na ka-hug pa yung mga daddy nila. Sometimes, I forgot how it feels like having a father. Sorry, Pa.

There are times na pinipilit kong kalimutan ka. Sorry. Kasi papa, it still hurts. It hurts so much that you're out of sight. Every time na maaalala kita, nalulungkot ako, nagsisisi ako. Nagsisisi ako na sa mga huling sandali na pwede tayong makapag bonding, hindi kita nalambing, hindi kita nayakap, nahalikan. Pinagalitan mo kasi ako noon ee. Strikto ka at matampuhin naman ako, madali akong malungkot, alam mo yun. Pero hindi ko talaga inakala. Hindi ko na maalala kung bakit ako nagtampo. Kung alam ko lang na yung araw na yun mismo, huling luto mo na ng breakfast samin ni ate bago ka magpa-confine, sinulit ko na sana. Ang naaalala ko na lang, tinitigan kita habang nagluluto ka at nagp-prepare ng baon namin sabay alis. Walang hug, walang kiss, walang smile, walang "bye Papa", "Penge pong baon".

Wala pa akong masyadong alam noon. Alam ko, gagaling ka noon eh. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kasama ang cancer. Alam ko lang sakit siya, lahat ng tao, gagaling doon.

Naalala ko pa, excited ako kapag pumupunta sa'yo sa Manila, sa PGH kasi makikita na ulit kita. Every goddamn chemo you've taken, nasa tabi mo ako. Literal na kaagaw mo ako sa kama mo, sa pagkain mo, sa tv. Little did I know na iritable ka na pala tsaka yung pagkain mo, para sa'yo lang talaga dapat. Sana sinulit ko pa yung mga sandaling 'yun. Hindi ko nahalata sa'yo na nasasaktan at nanghihina ka. Wala man lang akong naging hint sa reason mo sa pagpapakalbo mo. By the way, mas pogi ka kapag may hair, Pa :)). Still, I'm very sorry. I should have known.

We're all struggling, Pa pero kinakaya. Sabi nila, huwag na daw istorbohin yung mga wala na, kasi malulungkot daw kayo sa heaven. Sorry for this long message. Naipon sa puso ko. Mabigat na. Naniniwala ako na you're watching us. We're struggling, pero hindi pinapahalata ni mama pero minsan, obvious na. I am trying my best na hindi na ma-delay pa yung pag graduate ko. I promised myself na, isang take lang lahat. Wala mang honors, wala man sa top, basta isang take lang lahat, masaya na ako doon.

People thought na naka move on na kami sa'yo. Or ako na lang talaga ang hindi pa nakaka-move on. They don't understand how hard I'm trying to survive each day. Because each day, you're still gone. The day you left, killed the heck out of me. All I did was think. Iniisip ko, panaginip lang 'to. Panaginip lang. Pero wala ka na. I thought of many reasons kung bakit hindi na kita makikita. Merong iniisip ko na nasa ibang bansa ka, busy magtrabaho.

They don't know how much I ache every time I remember and miss you. They don't know the pain I feel every Father's Day.

I don't know how to not miss you every single day. In denial na lang siguro ako when I tell people na hindi kita naiisip at nami-miss.

There are days that I just cannot participate in life. May mga araw na gusto ko lang tumambay sa kwarto at mag drama. Lunurin yung sarili ko sa kalungkutan.

I am full of hatred. Sa family. Both sides. Nagagalit ako. They are so irritating. Nakakagalit. Totoong ugali yung pinapakita namin yet mga !/!$!@ sila. Sorry. I promised myself na sa oras na makatapos na ako, ibabalik ko sa kanila yung mga ginagawa nila and I'm done. Sana magbago pa yung tingin ko or yung ugali ko sa mga tulad nila.

Sorry, Pa, kung tinamad akong mag-aral. Until now, sabog pa rin ako. I'm still lost. How to be happy again ba, Pa when I still feel so crappy? Hindi ko alam kung paano ako pumapasa sa katamaran ko. Siguro hanggang ngayon, I can't accept na wala ka na talaga. I can't move on. Na lahat ng ginagawa ko, mga nangyayari sakin, mga nang-iiwan sakin, kino-connect ko pa rin sa pagkawala mo. Madalas, hindi ko na alam kung anong worth ko. Siguro nasa isip ko lang na okay ako, na hindi ako malungkot/nalulungkot. Pero deep inside, hindi ko na alam kung ano pang iisipin ko. Maybe, I still think na, a part of me will always be waiting for you.

There are times na binabalik balikan ko yung mga naaalala ko pang mga music na pinapatugtog mo every weekend. Naiinis ako, kasi slowly, parang nawawala na yung ibang mga memories natin sa isip ko. Minsan may naaalala ako pero nagb-blur na. Nakakalungkot, kasi may mga bagay akong pilit inaalala pa, pero nawawala na talaga.

I really don't know what to talk about but all I know is that I feel like telling you all my rants. Thank you for being my father.

I will always love and miss you. Until we meet again.

Love,

issawrites