some wholesome marrow apf just for u <3

Hello folks! I'm BulletBillTime, but you may call me Billie! I'm a hobbyist who loves to dabble in many creative hobbies! This includes, but isn't limited to: drawing, writing, video editing, level design, game dev, programming, web design, and more! I'm by no means an expert in any of those, but I know enough to bring my creativity to life!

This blog is mostly going to be a hub for whatever creative projects I have going on, from genuine attempts at art to brainrot fandom garbage. (Mostly the 2nd one, but who knows!) Aside from the usual string of reblogged posts, you can expect art, and the occasional ramble about whatever is on mind!

(If you want an easy access to the stuff I make, you can find tag lists in the Useful Links page of my blog!)

[cracks knuckles] Okay so,

for starters this AU is kinda old. i think i started toying w the general idea in 2016ish, and the want to write it got hardcore resurrected when i decided to watch an lis1 playthrough for the first time in fucking ages last year. i happened to find Spiracle recently after finishing up so there was already like a 60% chance i'd start associating it w lis through just that, but then i was smacked in the face specifically by this last line

so hard that i was immediately like Oh God I Need To Write That Timelooper Max AU Right The Fuck Now. (like seriously. "i want you butterfly, i want you sailor." what am i supposed to Do after hearing that if not wail over pricefield)

as a whole for me the song is about The Devotion (tm) and how Max loves every last little part of Chloe, good or bad, for better or worse, so goddamn much that she's willing to put herself through all this fucking bullshit several times over. Yearning On A Cosmic Scale kind of vibes.

but then after a few listens i Realized. that some of these lines are really good for Rachel + the admittedly unhinged amberfield dynamic i have brewing. imo Max is definitely not immune to the whole putting the idea of Rachel on a pedestal problem, but she does it Different than everyone else bc her image of Rachel is informed mostly by how important she was to Chloe. which is to say i read some of these lines in an "and i want you, too. i want every part of her and you're a part of her," sort of way.

also this one line is very Max @ both of them

and to bring it back to that last bit again, i feel like the butterfly/sailor line is pretty self-explanatory but "i am your lover, and i am your jailor," to me is the crux of all those conflicting gnarly gay timelooper feelings. no one loves you like me, no one hurts you like me. i'm saving us, i'm keeping us trapped here. i'm the one who pulls you from your grave, i'm the one who throws the first shovel of dirt onto your coffin. i'm your lover, i'm your jailor.

also! even the title easily lends itself to lis imagery bc A) english is stupid and there are too many words that look the damn same so i think of spirals every time i see it. and more concretely, B) spiracles are little holes in an insect's body that they use to get oxygen and ofc,, both butterflies And the chrysalis itself have them. i'm mentally unwell about this actually. truly i wasn't aware i could be emotionally damaged by looking up caterpillar facts but that's what writing does to you i guess.

and lastly i picked out 'polluted marrow' as a title for the whole AU because

could be Any Of Them.

hell yeah!!

4: Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

i feel like if you asked each of them they would all say the other two need protecting, But. i think an underrated dynamic in apf is having pricefield as Rachel's scary dog privilege. she rolls up to the vortex party with the world's clingiest doberman and a chihuahua that could suck out your soul with its thousand yard stare. some guy will think he's putting the moves on her only to feel A Chill and turn around to find pricefield staring at him like this from across the room

5: Describe their cozy night in.

first off, Max brings Chloe up to her dorm after classes some Friday for a bit of company while she finishes up homework or w/e. however Chloe is also a category 5 Distraction and she's there watching movies or smthn and keeps accidentally (genuinely accidentally she's just a goofball) roping Max into talking about plot-holes/cool scenes/etc.

at some point Rachel shows up in her usual stray cat sort of manner just waltzing in unannounced, and she makes Chloe put one of Her shows on. and i think Rachel would watch those absolute nonsense dramas. like if that fucking Riverdale show existed then Rachel would be all over it imo. Chloe grumbles about it and poor Max is Still trying to finish that last bit of work but they both get really invested in whatever the hell Rachel puts on to the point that when she wakes up she gets to be all "Oh My GOD you're still fucking watching it >:3c "

and pricefield scramble to pretend like they weren't just caught redhanded and it's dead silent all the way to Two Whales but by the the time they actually start eating Max and Chloe have gotten into a "can you Believe [xyz] did That???" / "i Know right!!!" sort of conversation and Rachel gives them a good ten minutes or so of that before finally being like "btw you know i'm never letting you live this down right."

and Max's homework Still didn't get finished. rip.

that's my vision thank u for coming to my tedtalk shdfsghj

10: Describe their first date.

okay in my fever-addled apf heart of hearts i'd want sneaking into the pool to be their first date.

Max (being Max) is like Ah Yes, This is Normal Third Wheel Behavior. All Platonic Here. What Date. but then Rachel makes a comment about it at some point and Chloe doesn't say anything to the contrary and Max is like "wait hold on am i actually on a date with you right now"

and Rachel has to be all, "Max, babe, we're swimming in our underwear. alone. after hours. Chloe's had her hands on your waist for like five minutes. we've been flirting with you all night. i've been thinking about kissing you for weeks. girl where have You been."

and then Chloe says, "Oh that's just Max. Don't worry about it, I've been at it for years." or something along those lines

and Max is there short circuiting looking back at them like

(CW: mentions of suicide & suicidal ideation. Just to be safe.)

The other day I discovered a song called Gifts For The Earth by Deafheaven and idk if it's just me but it gives HEAVY marrow max vibes to me. It's a metal song & the vocals are VERY screechy, so I don't know if you'll like the song itself? Although I think the music itself is really good, but the vocals are still a bit distracting to me even after like 20 plays lmao

ANYWAY yeah my main point is the lyrics feel so fitting to Marrow Max's mental state at her lowest point. The song itself is basically about someone giving up their life and surrendering to death through suicide, depicting images of an angel of Death comforting them as they sink to the bottom of the ocean to become one with the Earth once more.

These metaphors make me think of Marrow!Max so much, like I can perfectly imagine her looking over the cliff during the storm at the start of the fic, feeling drawn to jump into the ocean, as Chloe had done once she found out about the time loops. Feeling beckoned to end it all just like her; to let the ocean waves take her in so she can finally stop the suffering.

(Hell, maybe she actually does in a nightmare she has later on, when she thinks she's gonna lose everything in the new reality… Of course she wakes up, and the terror she feels over losing everything might just make her realize how much she needs Rachel and Chloe, and it pushes her to stop running from them. Or maybe they find her and wake her up from her nightmare, as she sees a figure appear through the darkness of the ocean waves, and then Max wakes up, and realizing they're there, eyes filled with concern for *her*, she fully breaks down in sobs)

It could also be read as a metaphor for Max drowning under the weight of all the responsibility she's thrust onto herself, to save Chloe and the others. Plus the ending lines about the flesh disintegrating into consumption for the earth fits how she can no longer see any benefit to her existence beyond what she can do for others, and how she can save or help them. Completely divorced from any sense of self-worth, she gives herself entirely for the sake of others with no concern for her health.

There could also be a read of the song where it's about Max basically killing off/shedding any part of her that is irrelevant to saving Chloe & Rachel, as everything she once was is drowned in the ocean of her subconscious, letting her become single-minded in her purpose. I guess the angel of death in this case would be Chloe, whose safety she puts above everything else? This one is a hell of a stretch but I find it fascinating nonetheless sfhsdfjkshdl

Anyway uhh sorry about the rambly essay in your asks 😅 I just love this AU & fic and cannot stop thinking about it and wanted to share some of the brainrot with you while waiting for the next update; hopefully you enjoyed reading! & if you like the song too even better!

i see what you mean abt the vocals but i am Also a big enjoyer of good percussion/tonal whiplash music/songs that go on for a Really long time so i had a good time w this one actually! thanks for the rec ^^

also don't even worry about it i dearly dearly love reading ppl's rambly essays about this AU sjdkhfsjhfk <3 (that goes for anybody btw never worry abt being rambly in my inbox bc i am probably sitting here uncontrollably happy-stimming abt it)

I listened to Flower Face's album like a week ago and now I'm realizing how pricefield coded October birds is... Of course I'm choosing to read the song in a different light than the actual song's meaning

But "I've died five hundred times with your flag in my hand" just makes me think of how Max keeps resetting time for Chloe and how Chloe keeps getting herself killed protecting Max, and "No man is an island I'm the girl on your shoreline / Washed up and heaving, pathetically breathing / I cling to your sleeves and stop you from leaving" makes me think of the marrow AU Max how she clings on to Chloe, tired from all the time loops, not wanting Chloe to sacrifice herself again.

I'm imagining a mirror of the previous timeloop playing out, where Max is so afraid Chloe is going to throw herself off the cliff that she holds Chloe, crumbling into tears and telling her to stay.

The line about the runaway bride could be Max grimly wishing she could let go of the weight of saving Chloe and be free, but she hates herself for even considering it, given how much she loves her

So yeah it's a divergence from the actual song being about being in a shitty relationship, but I think there's a read about the mutual desire that both Max and Chloe have to overcome the gulf of trauma that's overtaken Max, but aren't able to bridge because Max is skittish and afraid Chloe will leave her again.

there is a place for you here by left at london. marrow!apf anthem. you see the vision.

ok elaboration time bc I love talking: first verse & chorus is rachel offering chloe comfort. she has been through so much shit, and she's fucked up too. but they can find something together to escape all the pain.

second verse & chorus is max feeling broken and unlovable, feeling like she has to solve all the problems by herself. but with rachel (and chloe too) she can fight strength through them to overcome the problems she thought were insurmountable before.

final chorus & outro could be chloe who used to think everything sucked, but through rachel (and max returning) she can find a place that makes her pain easier to live through.

I love doing these LiS song recommendation asks and there *will* be more (threat) (positive)

i Do i do see the vision

Basically I read it to be about how Chloe is not handling her abandonment issues well, and spiraling over them. Hell I could even imagine this being the moment she falls into being a rebel after Max leaves, trying to pretend she's fine but cracking under everyone's expectations of her to just keep being "normal". And her self-loathing chiming in claiming that maybe she deserves it.

There's also lines like the pre-chorus and the repeating "Be perfect OR DIE" that reads like Rachel's insecurities over having to project her perfect self to everyone else, seeing this as a way to keep people from leaving her over all her issues.

AND I'm also thinking parts of the song like the chorus could be not only Chloe being bitter about Max leaving her behind, but also Rachel and Chloe saying it to each other, bitterly bemoaning their drifting apart as their respective issues drive a wedge between them, feeling like the other should have made more of an effort to keep things afloat.

But also, the intro implies they kind of yearn for the other to fix them. Rachel with "erase me, change me, take it away" hoping that Chloe can take away the stresses of having to perform all the time. Chloe with "displace me raze me, make it okay", wishing for Rachel to upturn her life and take her away from the constant disappointment she's had to suffer.

(Yes, that's the youtuber btw. The album Be Perfect or Die as a whole is very good imo!)

CJ the X as in auteur of my absolute favorite video essay of all time The Neurosis of Cat Valentine?? hell yeah (i Have been meaning to get into their music for a while sjfshjhf thanks)