#builtupemotions

It's when .. I found peace in life where.. I get what I'm doing and what I need to do to fix things . And that I know I have flaws and mistake that I accept and will learn from . It when .. I found so much thankfulness of what I have and who I have left . And knowing things change and people leave constantly . That's scary . And all I can do .. Is put in 160%. Yeah, I'm sick, in pain, sore, on the girl hormones and emotional stress.. Yeah I have so much to do in little time . Yeah there're so much expectations to be met and goals to be fulfilled with so much responsibility depended on me . Because things won't do it theirselves.. Then theres occasional family problems. And then there's my best friend . He's going through really similar things. Man .. I love that guy . And it's not even puppy love .. I would just get a good look at him and see .. Happiness . Like .. I get it . What if he leaves? No more happiness? No. It's like .. The happiness he brings into my life . No matter how much we butt heads . Wait do we ? .. Wow . I can't help but laugh and cry at the same time. Our relationship man . With flaws and everything . I'd want this . Before, now, and future . I'd want this . The stupid humor and lame moments. The confusion of if we're arguing or not because we're too funny. The comfort and affection . The pokey beard/mustache against my shoulders when he hugs me or kisses my cheek . I want this . Yeah of course most girls wants to be treated the best . Yeah we have those moment where everything is wanted to be perfect . Yeah .. Wishing every night is a happy ending in a movie . Screw That . Let that happen every once in a while . Let me cry my eyes to sleep every few weeks . Let me feel like my hearts ripping out of my body and is being burned right in front of me . Because I rather remember how much crap I go through for what's worth it . Realizing my goals for myself and meeting them. And having him in them is just great. Knowing that you have someone to trust with what you have left and be by your side is just .. Really lucky . Wow . All and all . Yeah I wish I was being comforted and being told "Everything's alright . We're going to be okay, everything's rough right now but we'll get through this." Would make me cry my eyes out because that is the rarest comfort people receive. Or I ever get . But it's okay . And I'm not saying he doesn't comfort me or leave me speechless with surprise affection. but Why should I expect someone to ALWAYS be there for me when I need to mend my own self up. Let that person be there for you. Go ahead and depend on them sometimes. But when things get rough, I need to make myself better . I need to realize that. And look at what I'm doing is pretty good after all I've been through and what ever emotional/physical condition I'm in now . And that to keep it up and pat my own self on the back . And continue being the girl I'm proud to be with all the bad and good . And be thankful for what and who I have and can do for others .

I learned that someone can be your best friend one moment, and your enemy the next.  I'm learning how to cope with it but I can't figure out how to let go of this anger and move on.  I hope she feels horrible for the way she treated me, even though she lies to everyone about what happened.  I just hope that inside she has some kind of heart, and that it hurts when she remembers me. Or maybe she's just too caught up in her lies.  For someone that everyone loves because she is so sweet and caring, she sure does have a lot of hate in her...I can't believe I didn't notice it until now.  She hates everyone. She only cares about herself. She's a lying little slut (she only cheated on her boyfriend a few times...) And I really just wish that she would try and fix things between us, because I have plenty to say to her about the kind of friend she was to me, and to a lot of others.

This I can say is so true! # capricorn #builtupemotions

4 years. 4 whole fuckin years, I stood by your side. Hours I spent by your hospital bed. Empty prayers to the god that you believe, to take the mess from your head. I gave everything I could, Every ounce of myself, Every breathe was for you. 4 years, 4 whole fuckin years, I stood by your side. Hours I spent by your hospital bed. Empty prayers to the god that you believe, to take the mess from your head. All I asked was some appreciation, Some gratification. All I asked was acknowledgement. I felt so alone, The pressure built, All the responsibility turned to guilt. This isn't what I wanted! This wasn't my intention! Sorry for the pain, How did it get to this? It was all too much. I had to walk away. 4 years, 4 years, 4 whole fuckin years, Hours I spent by your hospital bed. Empty prayers to the god that you believe, to take the mess from your head. Now I'm turning to empty prayers to the god I don't believe, To take the mess from my head. To take your mess from my head.