#buhayengineer

Lahat tayo may kanya kanyang laban sa buhay. Di natin masasabing mas mahirap ang laban ng isang tao kumpara sa iba kasi naniniwala akong may kanya kanya tayong laban.

Lately, I realized I’m so depressed. With everything. Everything na nangyari sa buhay ko right after preboard sa school. I almost fill up the whole big glass of water with my own tears. God knows how I get broken with the result. During the last preboard, naging survival of the fittest ang naging tema. You have to get 50 and above na score to make it to the next exam. If you didn’t reach the 50, there will be no more exam, automatic laglag ka na.

I had to admit na sa unang exam, which is electronics, nahirapan ako. Siguro ang nasa sure ko lang ay 35-40. So I kept on praying during the examination period na makahula ako ng sampung tatama para makaabot ako ng 50. Natapos ang exam at naglunch muna kami. I wasn’t able to enjoy my meal because I was so eager to know the result. I really wanted to make it to the next level.

Unexpectedly, I was able to get 52. That was really unexpected na napayakap ako kay Claus at Rose sa sobrang tuwa. I even cried! Bakit? Pinaghalo kasing tears of joy and takot. Takot kasi ang sunod na exam ay math. I know myself, I always flunk math. I wasn't prepared for math actually. But thank God, may lumabas naman sa ilan sa mga forte ko sa math. But I wasn’t expecting I’ll make it. What I did, was do my best and answer ever question as much as possible. And PRAY. But with my fears, I wasn’t able to reach 50. I got 42 only. Nanghinayang ako, oo! Sobra! Pero tinanggap ko ng maluwag sa dibdib ko. Because I know, I’m at my best that time just to make it to the next level.

With that, I wasn’t allowed to take the board exam this October 15-17. I didn’t cry that time. Pero nung time na ang dami kong naririnig, sobra na ang iniyak ko. My dad admitted that he was disappointed. Kahit sa phone lang kami magkausap, rinig na rinig ko ang disappointment at galit niya. Para kaming nag away, kaya wala akong ginawa kundi umiyak ng umiyak. Nilabas ko lahat ng frustration ko sa exam. Walang tigil ang mga luha ko. Kahit na marami silang nagpapalakas ng loob ko.

But then, the fight between me and my dad didn’t last too long. He was the one who said sorry for what he said. Naiintindihan ko naman kasi magulang siya at sadyang malaki ang gastos niya sa akin. After that, nabunutan ako ng sobrang laking tinik sa puso ko. Gumaan lahat lahat.

Lahat ng ginawa at ginagawa ko ay para sa kanya at kay mommy. And I know, it’s not the end of my battle! It’s not yet the end! God will soon heal me. And I know, He will soon fight with me again to make it the next time!