#buglegossip

We’ve been chomping at the bit to do an exposé on the Stonefruit Inn since those two n’er do wells first opened the doors of that place. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to provide free advertising for Slickity Shemp’s Squat ‘n’ Chew to do it, even if they do have tasty, unique eight-dollar lunch specials every day and even on weekends, and selkies under 5-foot-2 are half-price!

There’s a lot of finger-pointing going on when it comes to the Blight ... and we LOVE IT! Don’t stop with the wild accusations and specious reasoning, Berryites, keep ‘em coming! Maybe the black mold is Bellamy’s newest decorating scheme gone horribly wrong? Who KNOWS??

The Bugle has no idea what either of these epithets mean and if they’re complimentary or derogatory to the aforementioned Ryden Bolt. Oh, God -- are we getting old??!?

Who from the SBSD would she want as part of her entourage, though? The choices are slim pickings indeed:

flaccid fairy

drunk wolf 

narcoleptic fairy

ephram

She’d be better off taking a spiral-cut ham with her on her strolls through town. 

While we’d believe just about anything when it comes to Sheriff ‘STI Vector’ Pettaline, we’re doubtful that Essie would get caught up in that sort of drama.

Tell us more about this affliction of Familiar Loss Flaccidness, though! Isn’t there a pill for that? Is it not covered by the SBSD health plan? 

So long as SOMEBODY gave her a standing O, right? Not to get our NYcrit-T on but Isa de la Vega shouldn’t get too accustomed to being heaped with accolades for her ‘acting’. Maybe she has a future in eliminating pesky theatre critics, though.

How dare you reduce Kyt Mansfield to a mere bit of totty on the side during the Blight! He is of a quality of totty that demands at LEAST entree status.

Wasn’t their wedding a hot minute ago? Is this a quarterly vow renewal, is that the new trend for hot young couples these days? Maybe they did it for the ‘gram (or, as we’re in Soapberry, for the Snaps). In which case, cough up those blood-smeared Vera Wang pics, Anon.