#buckypara

James turned a little bit, he wanted to agree. But, some days, it felt like the other had moved on with out him. They had. And that he was being left out of things. He was. And that Steve had simply just, had better friends then him now. He did. James had convinced himself at lot of the times that maybe his best friend was being held back by him. Which added to the guilt already in his chest, that he was now just a case for Steve to fix. Thickly swallowing he nodded "Sure." James his muttering then.

Sat up, he stares at the other as they went on, then glares away "Great. But can the same be said about you with me?" Or anyone really. What if he lost control of himself again, and became that other person. What if he couldn't turn it off, and he went too far gone from himself entirely. He didn't want to be someone else's killing machine, he didn't want to be one at all, really. But here he was, perhaps picking to stay in fights to prove he wasn't a monster.

But he is, isn't he? He will always be a monsters. At least, to the outsiders who would never know him on a personal level "I won't let them." Because if he was a free monster now, it was time he started breaking anyone who tried "I'm not going to be someone that can be hurt anymore." Least, not like he had been these last many decades. He was built differently than he was all those years ago, he was a lot more capable and skilled than he was going off to war, oh, and he was a super soldier, too.

Inhaling deeply, his breath shaky as he continued to tremble. He closed his eyes, trying to focus, he had been through this before. Though most had been suppressed by the brainwashing from HYDRA. James could feel it rattle in his chest, the panic gripping tightly as the muscles tensed in his body. These, this freedom, this inability to stop it now, was newer, he hadn't had the full kit to stop them from gripping him at times. He shook his head, dropping it down a bit as she said it would be alright. But it wouldn't, at least, at that moment, he had felt like it wouldn't. He was, in his mind, dying all over again, and again, over and over.

The volume of the world around him was on high, voices blocks away tuning into his peak hearing, the tiny hairs along his body stuck up on end, feeling even the minutest shifts and movements, the waves in the area around him, hitting him, irritating his skin. Though she kept talking, he tried, he was trying to focus on her force, on his own inner voice, on things nearby, less outside of himself. James takes in another deep breath, holding it for a moment, then releasing, before repeating this, his heart pounding in his chest "They're all in pain. So much pain. A siren-A scream...It's constant." He muttered absently. Pacing, then, he's groaning "I need to get outta here- go somewhere- I-" Pausing he inhaled a hiccupy breath.

"That's helpful, thanks." James commented, glancing toward one side of the room for a moment, narrowing his eyes as he listened to things for a short moment. As Rosemary began to vomit he sluggishly glanced back to her "We don't have a lot of time, for that." He muttered before then looking toward Sam "Thankfully I can't catch whatever she must have." He sneered toward Sam, who then said that 'he would be the one to stick close to here then' "Fuck you. I don't take orders from you." James commented back, turning and walking away from them both, to get a better view of what was ahead "Come on, it's safe this way." He then told the two of them. James then pauses, turns to look at Rosemary “If you were puking every hour, don’t you think you would be dead? Maybe this is serious.” He turned and continued to walk them out of the base, shooting down one remaining enemy that was attempting to get away, much to Sam’s disapproval “What? He could have been a threat later...”

Observing the other man, James looked on with a dull expression on his face, not exactly sure what to make of what was going on here. With them, not in the facility itself, of course. Though he didn't know much about that, either. Despite his clear and present interest in the past in the advancement of technology, it had seemed to be put far on the back-burner of his mind, presently.

"No. I don't think they do." He mumbled back, confused as he remained watching the other, still. When some kind of explanation for that outburst was then sputtered, his eyebrows quirked up slightly, eyes shifting to one side "Yeah…"

Well, he wasn't having the greatest day either, but, he usually didn't. So it was commonplace for him to be uncomfortable generally. As the question about what he had said a moment ago was asked, he lift his head a bit "Usually." James confirmed. But those with sick and twisted minds had enjoyed when they screamed, it seemed, in some perverse sexual kink kind of way. James was not much of a screamer though, not these days "Some of them don't care either way. You're nothin' but a toy to be experimented on." He preferred the one's who were all business, and not getting a sick kick out of other peoples misery in a deeply depraved away, absolutely.

James gave a friendly nod toward the woman “You too-Uh, I mean, nice to meet you.” He was a smooth talker, right? Yeah. He shouldn’t be stammering over a comment. Clearing his throat a little he pulls his hand from hers. Resting his hand on the table then he listened to her and grinned faintly, turning his attention back toward the table and nodded as she said he could have whatever. He had hoped so, unless the diner had changed since then, he thought to himself a little amused.

Waiting, he had grown bored and starting fixing things up on the table. Then rearranging them back and forth for a moment. Not really sure what to do with this free time. Though, accompanying his boredom, was his nervousness of what was to come next in his life. It was stressful. He still hadn’t informed Steve yet, but he would have to, very soon. That was what was probably causing him the most stress. He was sure the other would be annoyed by his drafting.

James was in his bathroom staring the supernatural like bite wound on his shoulder when a knock came to his apartment door. Adjusting his shirt back onto his right shoulder he moved to go toward the front of his apartment. Though by the time he had reached the door whoever had knocked had left. Hearing them walking away he peaked his head out of the door for a moment, narrowing his eyes as he calculated their exact position based on the sound of their walking, echoing off the enclosed space.

It was a neighbor, he concluded when the walking had paused. He listened even more carefully, figuring out which part of the apartment building they were in. Finding the exact living space. Though he was then distracted by the plate of treats "Oh. Cookies." Kneeling down he grabbed them up and sniffed at them, they smelled normal enough. So he turned and walked back into his apartment once more, thinking nothing of it "Probably a ..ah...House warming present?" He thought it was a little too late for that.

Closing his apartment door then he walked over to the kitchen and set the treats down on the counter before moving to go back to what he was doing. He was mostly interested in why the serum coursing through his veins hadn't seemed to be working in completely healing the bite wound he had received from the very odd oversized wolf that had bit him "Mangy thing must have got me worse than I thought it did." He reasoned, rubbing his sore shoulder some more and moving on with the rest of his chores for the day. He had to keep his mind distracted.

James was trying to conform to this whole pardon bullshit and that, but there was nothing to do and he didn't feel like apologizing. Lying to his therapist about all apologize "Fuck those people. If they deserved I sorry, I'd give it to them." But they didn't. Those people weren't his problem. Moving over toward the window he looked out of it, pulling up the note he had snagged from the treats when he brought them in, he began opening it. Glancing it over with a curious, raised eyebrow "Okay. I may be into some crazy shit these days. But I do not have time for vampires, werewolves, or creatures of the deep. My neighbors insane." He tossed the note away.

As she moved her hand to her stomach he dropped his eyes down toward it for a moment. Seeing she was quiet swelled. Swelled enough to notice that she must have indeed been pregnant, if one paid close enough attention. He looked back up toward Wanda's face and nodded as she confessed her nervousness to him "Yeah? A first child can be that way. My Ma would tell me." He looked away briefly, thinking of his mother for a moment. He had certainly missed her "But I am sure the two of you have a handle on everything." He reached out gingerly "May I?" He asked, though continued to listen to her and grinned a bit.

"You would make a great mama.  That kids gonna be so loved, and if you need a few extra hands. Don't be shy, Uncle Bucky will be here to teach them how to assassinate." He teased lightly. Then pulled his hand away after a moment "Twelve weeks, whew. Still got a journey to go, though." He was sure twelve weeks was to make sure the baby was healthy enough to make it through the rest of the pregnancy. He had been reading up on these things, considering..."Maybe the baby will have little friends it's own age in the coming years." Thinking it over " With the other Avenger's getting older, and that." Insisting half joking that he was going to be stuck baby sitting most of the Avenger's, it almost made him want to desert and run off to some pirate island in the middle of the ocean.

Dropping a bag down onto the floor he glanced toward the other when she had approached and placed the kiss onto his cheek. With a crooked grin he gave a nod "Ah. Don't mean to. Honestly. Just things get a little more hectic than I plan for on these missions."