Losing Everything (Bucky x Reader)
A/N: Okay, okay, I know I did one kinda like this before, but I was feeling like writing more angst today, so bear with me. Also, the ending is different, so... yep. Hope you enjoy it. :)
WARNINGS: idk, angst x 10000000, but that’s about it.;)
It hurt to move, it hurt to blink, it even hurt to think.
What she would give for it all to go away.
Here she lay, a crumpled mess on the ground as the raging fight continued around her. Her eyes stung with unshed tears, as they stared wearily up into the luminous grey clouds above her.
The only thing she could think about now was her boyfriend, her Bucky, who assumed she was safely tucked in bed beside him when in fact she was laying nearly dead in the worst place she could imagine.
A small sob escaped her lips, and she winced as a sharp bolt of pain ran through her body. The dark clouds slowly started to fill her own vision, and she knew that her consciousness, if not her own life, was almost gone.
A loud voice grew closer to her, and her eyes slowly moved to fall upon Steve Rogers. A small trail of blood ran from a scratch on his cheek and his eyes were wide with concern and slightly... with fear.
“Y/N, Y/N, can you hear me?” His voice was almost panicked, as he scanned over his teammates injuries, his heart almost stuck in his throat as he noticed the awkward angle that her arm was at, and the bruising around her throat.
“S-Steve....” she mumbled, frowning slightly as she turned her head slightly to the side. “Where’s Bucky?”
“He’s at home, remember? Where he wanted you to be, but you decided to come along anyway.” Steve brushed accidentally against her arm, and she let out a groan. “I’m so sorry. We’re going to get you some help.”
“Did we win at least?” Y/N murmured as her body was lifted up into his arms gently.
“It won’t count until I know you’re okay.” Steve replied softly as he brought her on board the jet. “We’re going to get you back to Bucky. You just got to stay awake for me.”
Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat suddenly, her chest feeling incredibly tight as her body went stiff in his hold. “S-Steve....”
“What’s wrong???” His voice was panicked, and he put her down before hovering over her anxiously. “Doll, what’s happening?”
She would never wish this on anyone, not even her worst enemy. It felt as thought electricity was running through her veins, her lungs felt as thought they were on fire, and her mind was a mixture of both. But she wasn’t able to tell him, as much as she tried.
“Tony! We need to get back to the tower, now!”
Time went by too slow, but too fast at the same time. At moments, Y/N couldn’t understand what Steve was saying, his lips moving way too fast. But at others, it felt like her end was near, and her heart nearly broke as she thought of Bucky.
Bucky had begged her to stay, to not risk her life for a stupid mission that Steve could’ve done with Tony on his own. But she had wanted to prove herself, especially to Tony who thought of her only as a child that would only get in the way. So... Y/N decided to solve this problem the only way she knew how... to slip out when he was sleeping.
She had planned on apologizing, to make it up in one way or another. They had plenty of time left on this earth, and Y/N would find a way. But now... she didn’t even know if she would be able to say goodbye to her love.
Y/N grasped Steve’s arm and he looked down at her.
“B-Bucky.” She managed to get out, and his eyes immediately filled with sadness. “Tell h-him-”
“Hang on, doll.” He shook his head, as he tried his hardest to figure out how to help her. “We’re not saying our goodbyes yet.”
As much as she wanted to say more, her body wouldn’t allow her to. The darkness started to come in again, and as much as she wanted to stay, she knew there was no point in fighting it anymore. It would come for her no matter how hard she would fight.
Her eyes focused on Steve, watching the panic spreading across his face with each passing minute that he tried to fight to save her life. It shouldn’t be him who would deliver the news to her boyfriend, but it would be him. She could only pray that Bucky would understand.
With a sad smile, Y/N reached out and brushed Steve’s face gently, causing his eyes to meet hers. “T-Take... care... of him.”
Tears filled his eyes and he nodded softly as her hand dropped back to her side. She smiled sadly, before breathing once more and letting the darkness consume her.
The plane landed five minutes later, and Bucky was waiting. He wasn’t angry... he was furious. He was ready to beat the living shit out of Steve, and to reprimand Y/n for what she had done. He was ready... he had plenty of time to plan it out.
The door opened, and before Bucky could say a word, a frazzled Tony Stark quickly exited the plane, holding a limp figure in his arms. He was out of sight before Bucky could say a word, and he froze as he watched Steve exiting the plane. His eyes were red, and he was trembling slightly as he approached Bucky.
“You better fucking tell me that wasn’t Y/N Tony was carrying.” His voice was deadly calm, his anger seeping underneath as he made dead eye contact with his best friend. “You better tell me that she’s still inside that goddamn plane.”
A sob escaped Steve’s lips, and Bucky’s demeanor broke.Not even half a second later, Steve was on the floor, his nose bleeding from the blow that Bucky had struck.
“Why did you fucking let her stay?!” Bucky’s voice was almost at a scream. “You should’ve sent her back!’”
“S-She wanted to prove Tony wrong.” Steve managed to get out as he wiped away his tears. “I couldn’t convince her to leave. “
“Y/N looked almost dead when Tony carried her off the plane! She couldn’t handle that, not while I was there!”
Something changed in Steve’s eyes, and Bucky noticed. “What?”
“Nothing...” he mumbled, and pulled himself off the floor.
“No. No more lies... what is it?” Bucky grabbed him by the arm to hold him still.
Steve looked at his best friend sadly before saying, “She stopped breathing on the plane... I don’t know if she’s going to be okay.”
Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat, and he let go of Steve’s arm. His heart nearly stopped in his chest, and he did not know what to do next.
“Buck... I tried my best... I-I didn’t know what else to do... I-”
“Stop.” He fixed his gaze on Steve. “This is all your fucking fault! Why didn’t you save her?!”
“I tried.” Steve’s voice was filled with tears and desperation as he looked at Bucky. “I tried to keep an eye on her when we were on the mission, but one of them just took her down, threw her around like a rag doll. There was nothing I could do after she blacked out.”
Bucky shook his head as he turned and began to walk away. “You should’ve sent her back.”
“She is old enough to make her own decisions, Buck. She doesn’t need her boyfriend to make them for her.”
“Clearly she wasn’t thinking when making this one!” He whirled back around, fuming. “And neither were you, when you let her fight!”
“Apologizing doesn’t do anything.” Bucky’s eyes began to water, and he turned around before adding, “Nothing will be the same if she’s gone. “
Bucky walked into the medical ward, finding his girlfriend laying in a hospital bed, connected to various machines. His heart nearly kept out of his chest as he saw her chest moving.
She was breathing... she was alive.
“ How is she doing?” Bucky asked, his eyes scanning down her body, taking in each bruise and the cast wrapped around her left arm.
“Mr. Barnes...” the doctor hesitated, before continuing. “There is something I need to tell you.”
Whatever happiness he had felt a few moments ago vanished in a split second. He closed his eyes before nodding. “What is it?”
“We have ran multiple tests, and unfortunately, we have had to declare Ms. Y/L/N as braindead.”
That one sentence completely shattered whatever stability he had left. A sob escaped his lips, but he covered his mouth, forcing whatever emotion he wanted to set free to stay hidden.
“We know it’s a lot to process...” the doctor added gently, as Bucky moved to sit in the chair next to Y/N’s bed. “But the kindest thing you can do for her now is to take her off the machines, and let her go.”
Bucky opened his eyes, and looked over at his girlfriend. Her face had lost a little of its color, and her bruises were very prominent. But if anything... it looked like she was asleep. There was still life in her body.
“Are you sure she’s gone? There’s nothing more you can do?” Bucky asked quietly, moving to take her hand in his.
“We are quite certain, Mr. Barnes. “
Bucky bit his lip gently before saying, “Can I have a minute with her alone?”
“Of course. Have all the time you need.” after the sound of footsteps retreating grew silent, Bucky moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
“You promised me you wouldn’t go.” His voice was a broken whisper. “You stayed in my bed, promising that you would be there in the morning and that you’d always be with me. But you left me anyway.”
Tears pooled in his eyes and he let them fall freely.
“Maybe you had some heartwarming apology for me if you had come back alright.” He shrugged as he looked away for a moment. “And I’m sure that I would’ve accepted it, no questions asked. But now I’ll never get to hear it... I’ll never get to hear you say that you love me again.”
Bucky leaned forward and tucked a strand of her hair behind hear ear before letting out a gentle sight.
“I would trade anything in the world to hear your laugh again.” He smiled sadly. “Or even to hear you yell about how big of an asshole I am. I just want to hear your voice again, doll. And I wanted to have you in my life forever.”
He pulled out a box from his pocket, sniffling as he opened it to reveal a diamond ring inside.
“I would give anything... to marry you right now.” Bucky closed it again, before continuing. “Even if it was just at a courthouse, knowing that you would be mine for the rest of my days would be all I ever needed.”
Bucky took a deep breath, before leaning closer to kiss her lips gently.
“I suppose this is the part where I say goodbye.” He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Y/N’s. “And I never thought I would have to. But here I am...”
Behind him, Steve had approached the room, and was leaning against the doorway, his heart breaking as he watched his friend say goodbye to his true love.
“I love you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. And I always will. One day, I'll find you again, and then my heart will be fixed. “ Bucky grabbed Y/N’s hand and gently placed it on his chest. “Until then, I won’t ever fall in love with anyone else, because you are the only person I want, doll. Rest easy, Y/N. I’ll see you in my dreams.”
Bucky kissed her again, deeper than before, hoping so dearly that her eyelids would flutter open, and that she would be alright. But he knew that it wouldn’t happen, and his heart broke even more at the lack of a response from her body.
With a gentle sigh, he stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. His body froze as he saw Steve, and his sadness morphed into anger.
“Bucky...” Steve swallowed the lump growing in his throat. “I’m so sorry.”
“Just stay away from me.” Bucky whispered, before walking past him without another word.
Steve could only watch as he walked away before turning to see Y/N’s body laying in the hospital bed.
Not only had he lost his friend, but he had also lost Bucky Barnes, the only person who could really understand his story.
A/N 2: Okay, y’all, this hit my feels when I was writing it, so I hoped you liked it. :’) Have a good day
