#bubblebeeam

          she’s felt weak before, both physically & in spirit, but never to this extent. she’s never felt this... human. breakable. to the point where everything hurt & that perpetual red stained everywhere she could see on her body, which was a lot considering holding her head up seemed too much of an effort to her exhausted mind. an inhale, one she deeply regretted once the metallic & sick scent burned her nose, & a slow, slow exhale. she was tired, incredibly so, & she wished in this moment that she took time to book a room in the hospital to sleep this off to a point where she’d wake up feeling a little less like an open wound & more like she was used to. big. indestructible. not.... this.

          she was sure the medical ninja would appreciate it, since they had suggested it & even suggested a surgery for something or another before she said she needed something more for the pain to get them away from her so she could sneak out. that may or may not have been a bad move, she thinks now. she really wants that sleep the room offered. a big, put-upon sigh, before she gathers her strength & considers the pros & cons of potentially damaging her chakra coils just to get her into her second story window in one peace before she finally hears his footsteps & just about cries at the sense of home he brings with him. it wasn’t enough to be in her village, wasn’t even enough to see her home intact & not destroyed, no --- but all it took was the thought of him, the familiar sound of his near-silent footsteps approaching through the door, & she feels comforted. safe. like finally, at last, she could be weak. just in this moment, because he was there. he would protect her, she was sure. & that thought alone, that she would allow herself to be protected, was terrifying in itself.

          but it wasn’t enough to keep her eyes from prickling with unshed tears when the door opens & she sees him from after what felt like forever, but in reality was only a few weeks, at most. but time was warped in missions, every kill was stretched out from minutes, to years, to millennium until you remembered every expression, color, thought, every contour & line in the victims face as you run your blade through them. one cried. another had blue eyes, they were terrified & when the light caught in them as she ran her claws through his neck they shone this dazzling cerulean ---- she blinks. he called her name & brought her out of reliving that moment. bless him.

          “ ah ---- ” her knees must’ve buckled sometime during her recollection, because he was supporting her under her arm & she recognized the path he was leading her down. her room. good, she thinks, that’s where she keeps all her pills. they’d given her enough pain meds where she wasn’t sure she’d feel it if she was run through the same way blue-eyes was, but it wasn’t medication for pain she was looking forward to. pain was temporary, she welcomes it, but the dreams, the memories that usually follow missions like this..... they were the ghosts that haunt her. she’s learned after too many night terrors, after she’s pressed too many civilians & shinobi alike into walls with hidden knives to their throat because she thought they’d looked like one of her victims, that they were back, that they wanted revenge --- no, she’s learned. that won’t happen again.

          “ yes --- yes, i can hear you. ” god damn it, she’s zoned out again. concentration & focus wasn’t something that came easy to her after normal missions, times that by a hundred because of the pain meds & she was surprised she was still coherent. she thought she was, anyway, considering. she must’ve gathered some sort of immunity due to her own meds, must be the only reason she was still standing & hadn’t passed the fuck out the moment she saw utakata & knew she could let down her guard -- yes. that must be it, & it worried her because what if that somewhat-immunity extended to her own medication? she wasn’t sure she had the mental or emotional stability to deal with that right now.