#btvs reader

You wanted to flinch away from his touch but couldn’t – didn’t want to. His fingertips held your jaw; kept your face upturned towards him. You wanted to move, you wanted to shove him one last time, but something kept you there against that wall. Something inside kept you still.

“I’ve been waiting all night, love,” his voice was quiet, and instead of a threatening tone, it was sincere; truthful.

You didn’t speak, instead you watched his blue eyes dart from yours to your lips, his thumb softly glided over them. You didn’t think it possible, but Spike came even closer to you, your bodies pressed against each other in the silence of the night. You wanted to yell for help, Buffy and the others were probably still in the library, but again, something held you back.

Curiosity.

Your voice quivered, and you trembled as his hand moved to your neck; your response lit up his eyes with excitement. You swallowed, “Are… are you going to feed on me?” You couldn’t help but sound pathetic and desperate, but if this was going to be your last moment alive, you wanted to know.

His eyebrows furrowed, and his jaw tensed, as if surprised by your question. His face leaned so close to yours that his lips brushed against the side of your mouth as he spoke in a hushed tone, “No, pet, I thought we would have some fun instead,” he paused a moment, his eyes lingered on your eyes before his lips pressed heatedly against yours, pressing you even closer to the storeroom wall. His hand slid from your neck down your body to rest on your waist.

You found yourself kissing him back, confused with guilt for wanting this and heated desire for more, you followed his lead.

His fingers curled at the hem of your shirt, the edges of his fingers barely brushed against bare skin underneath, and when he didn’t go any further you whimpered quietly between his kisses. “Mm,” he murmured, “Patience, love…” He brushed some strands of your hair behind your ear, looking into your eyes, “You’ve got to earn it.”

You initiated the next kisses, and Spike couldn’t help but smile into them from your sudden change in behavior. His ego was already big enough, but to know that he made you choose to do that only made him cockier. You held him close, your arms around his neck, a hand entwined in his blond hair, the breathing between you only grew heavier. Your thigh accidentally brushed over his bulge, and he hummed in want of more.

His eyes, alight with fiery desire, found yours again, and then he whispered into your ear, “I think you’ve earned it.”

You woke up in a bundled mess, wrapped in layers of blankets, overheated and dazed. You escaped the warmth of the blanket-burrow and your skin tingled as you drowned in the cool night air. “A dream…” you swallowed, trying to calm your rapid breathing. Even though it was only a dream, it was as real as the actual memory. You thought back to the heated moments you shared with the oddly attractive vampire in the storeroom that night. The passion you felt. The desire for it to happen again ever since.

You sighed and rested your chin on your hand, sitting on the edge of your bed; you felt the same guilt, especially since Buffy didn’t know you were in lust after a vamp. That guilt usually dissipated when you saw him— when you saw Spike, and of course that only made you feel worse. But you couldn’t just forget about that time in the storeroom… especially since Spike practically never let you forget it, every time you were in a fight with his cronies he always made a point to remind you mid-battle how good he tasted. His eyes would glaze over your body and he would lick his lips intentionally, communicating his desire. Sometimes his hand would just reach for your face, to feel you on his skin again. Other times he would make crude sex jokes that you would only roll your eyes to, especially if the others heard.

Only now did you notice the extremity of the chill in the air. Your eyes snapped instinctively to your bedroom window, and you saw that it had been pulled open, your curtains fluttered slightly in the gentle breeze. You instantly frowned, knowing that you would never leave your window open before drifting off to sleep. Ever. Especially since it was Sunnydale, the party-town for demons all shapes and sizes. You leaped from your bed to the window in an instant, shivering at the thought of some unknown creature jumping in through your window. But as you were just about to push it back down and lock it up, a face appeared – and you yelped with a start.

“Hush, pet, or your parents will hear us, and God knows they can’t see you with a mysterious man lurking near your room.” The smirk on his lips and the challenging twinkle in his eyes only surprised you even further.

“What…” you took a step away from the window, “What are you doing here, Spike?” you whispered harshly, looking around as if your parents might pop out of anywhere.

“Aw, no pet names?” He winked, “I’m here to see you, clearly.” He clung onto the window frame, although it probably didn’t take much strength for a vampire. “Gonna invite me in or should I just hang here all night?”

You eyed him for a moment, questioning your morals, like always; wondering if it would really be a good idea to invite him inside. He’d have access from now on, is that really a smart move? Buffy would say no, of course… but how are you supposed to deny those eyes and that smirk of his? You sighed, and he could tell that you were hesitating. He pouted those lips and tilted his head, “If the sexy smolder won’t work, I can try innocent begging, if you like?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “This isn’t healthy.”

He looked at you, amused, “Desirable things never are.”

“Buffy would kill me.”

“She’d probably try to kill me too, if that’s any consolation.”

You began to pace in front of the window, “Look, Spike—”

“I’d really prefer it if you called me babe—”

“Look, Spike, you can’t just rock up at my window during the night at any old time you want.”

He rolled his eyes, “Thought you might enjoy a little excitement in your mundane life every now and then.”

“Well —hey,” you glared at him, “My life is not mundane.”

He pursed his lips and only looked expectantly at you.

“This… this isn’t normal,” you continued.

His eyes fell to your bedroom floor, his jaw tensed. “I know.” He shook his head, “I know it’s not normal, but I can’t help how I feel about you.” His eyes found yours again, “I think about you all the damn time.”

You thought back to the dream you just had tonight, and realised you couldn’t stop thinking about him either. You couldn’t help how you felt, either, and the way he stared at you now with such pulsing desire and need for you, you couldn’t help but want it too. You took another step back from the window, “Come in.”

He blinked in surprise but climbed in through the window and closed it behind him. You didn’t move from your spot; you only watched his eyes as he stepped closer to you. He shed his long, leather jacket onto a nearby chair, and when he reached you he looked at you questioningly. Those eyes searched yours. As soon as you nodded, even slightly, his lips were instantly against yours, and you were flooded with the same feeling as the last time you kissed. This time his hands didn’t waste any time, and instead of teasing you he immediately slid your shirt off as he pushed you towards your bed.

As he hovered over you, you took this moment to unbutton his own shirt while he kissed you; hard, like it might be the last time. He easily slid out of his shirt, and his kisses left your mouth and pressed against your neck, trailing over your breasts and down your stomach. The two of you moved together, in sync, somehow knowing what the other wanted.

He came back to kiss your mouth again, your bodies close and heated, but not entirely vulnerable. When Spike reached for the waistband of your pajama shorts, you paused. A second of hesitation, and the vampire felt it immediately. He found your eyes, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

You weren’t not sure how much truth there was behind those blue eyes and cautious look, for he still was a vampire. A half-demon. He was Spike, the vampire, not just some lousy teen from your high school or a trashy older guy in a local band.

“I don’t think I can do this,” the feeling, it hit you completely but it was a realization that you needed. This just wasn’t the right time yet. Something was missing, and maybe you weren’t so sure about what it was now, but you might one day soon.

He smiled gently, brushing your hair back away from your face, an endearing act he’d adopted for you only, “That’s okay, love. I want you to be sure.”

He kissed you, and instead of hard and fast, it was careful and slow. It was needing, still, but peaceful and content. Almost… you think to yourself, almost loving. But that word and a vampire just didn’t make any sense. He collapsed beside you on your bed, laying on his back, and his arm scooped you closer to him so that you were now lying on your side facing him. You cautiously placed your arm over his chest —a new intimacy like this between you two was indifferent; but nice.

You kissed his neck gently, and said, “Is this you… staying the night?”

He kissed your nose and made a small noise like a hmph, “Of course. I just got here, I don’t want to leave yet.”

You yawned widely and cuddled in closer to him.

He noticed your sleepiness and held you tighter, “That’s right, I woke you, didn’t I?”

“Nope,” you said in between another oncoming set of yawns, “I was already awake.”

“At this hour?”

You rolled your eyes, “I… had a dream, and woke up from it.”

“Hm,” he turned his head so he was looking at you better, “What kind of dream, a nightmare?”

You stuttered almost completely, “N-no, just… just a dream.”

He tilted his head slightly, narrowing his eyes, you knew he knew you were somewhat lying, or at least anxious to keep the details away from him. “Are you lying?” his voice was challenging, but amused, and you were too late in keeping him out of it because he’d only try to dig further.

“Spike, it was just a dream. Just a stupid, normal dream.”

He raised a brow, “Then tell me about it. I don’t dream… often.”

“Uh,” you glanced around nervously, unable to hold his stare, “It’s pretty boring, trust me.”

Suddenly his eyes were alight, and you knew from that look that he figured it out, “You been dreaming of me, darling?”

Your eyes widened, and you turned away from him entirely, shuffling your body a few inches away from him. You couldn’t look at him in the eyes or even touch him as you admitted the truth, “Maybe…”

“Y/N…” you heard his voice coo softly behind you, but you tried to ignore it. You felt his arms wrap around your stomach as he scooted closer to you, but still you faced away from him.

He tried to coax you back by touching your face, but you wouldn’t budge, “Don’t be embarrassed, if I could, I would only dream of you.”

“Mm,” you replied, keeping your face turned, “I’m still embarrassed.”

“What was it of then?”

“Us,” you felt his light, messy kisses against the back of your shoulder, placed anywhere he felt like.

“Go on,” he prodded, before he continued to litter your skin with kisses.

“The first time we… you know… made out, at school, in the storeroom.”

He laughed into your skin, and you felt the vibrations, “What a great night that was.”

“It was not! I thought you were going to kill me!”

“Yeah, so, I didn’t, did I?!” he buried his head into your back, “You were so cute and innocent,” he laughed, “Still are.”

“And you scared the shit out of me.”

“Well, by then I thought you understood what I wanted, I mean, I don’t flirt as often in battle as I did with you. Especially when they try to stake my heart.”

You immediately turned around to face him again, heated with anger, “That was only…” you began to trail off in realization, your voice becoming quiet, “A few times, maybe.”

“Try five at the very least.”

“Well—” you stopped talking as you noticed his amused blue eyes and that smirk, “Stop trying to annoy me.”

“Doesn’t take much.”

You shoved his shoulder and he only laughed, which in turn made you laugh back, “You’re terrible.”

“Oh, you love it,” his eyes flashed in the dark, and he pressed his lips against yours. You couldn’t help but feel excited and energized with his every touch, it was something still so new to you, and you couldn’t ever imagine having this with anyone else. It somewhat frightened you, but it also only made you hold him dearer.

You kept kissing him back, addicted to him, you couldn’t help it. And he knew it. “Love?” he asked, quietly.

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

You broke away from the kisses completely, “What for?”

“For this.”

You searched his eyes, not sure entirely what he meant by it, but you thought you might. You thought you might understand because you were lonely before you met him, you were by yourself too. You brought his hand up to your lips, kissing his fingers softly. He smiled, his eyes not leaving yours. You spoke quietly, “Thank you, too, Spike.”

He pulled you close to him, and soon you both fell asleep together.