#bryuta

“Why he does this every Friday I have no idea” Claudio says as he walks down the hallway to the principal's office. He has to leave class early so he can pick his best friend Mox up from detention. He might not like having to bail Mox out every Friday but they've been friends for nearly twenty years and he'd go to war with that guy if Mox asked. “Hey Claudio, wait up!” someone says from far away. Claudio hears the familiar tapping of boots on linoleum and sees it's Mox's boyfriend, “Hangman” Adam Page.

Claudio waits until Adam is right beside him. “Jesus, you're hard to catch! Gimme a minute” Adam says as he tries to catch his breath. “I assume you're coming with me to pick up Mox again?” Claudio asks, causing Adam to laugh. “Don't I always? Wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I didn't bail that dumbass out every week! Plus getting out early guarantees us the best spots in the library during free period!” Adam says excitedly as they start walking down the halls.

Free period is one of Claudio's favorite classes other than Home Economics cause he gets to catch up with friends, work on some homework and most importantly hang out with his girlfriend, Harley Cameron. Him and Harley have been together for five years and she's made his life exciting every time he's with her. She's the splash of color he needed in his boring life and he's loved her ever since. “Umm hello? Earth to Claudio!” Adam says, snapping Claudio out of his thoughts.

“Oh my apologies! I spaced out! What were you saying?” Claudio asks embarrassingly, causing Adam to laugh. “I was asking if you think Mox would like my outfit today?” Adam asks as he shows off what he's wearing. He's currently wearing his steel tipped cowboy boots, denim bell bottoms with a rose design on the side and a white tank top with flames on the bottom. “I'm sure he'll love it Adam. Is the shirt a homage to when you “accidentally” set a trash can on fire?” Claudio says with a laugh, causing Adam to blush.

“It was an accident! I thought I stubbed the blunt out! I still feel bad about it!” Adam says embarrassingly, causing Claudio to pat him on the back to comfort him. “I'm sure it was Adam anyways we're here” Claudio says as they make it to the principal's office. Claudio knocks on the door and pops out vice principal Christopher Daniels. “Lemme guess, you came to pick up Moxley?” Mr.Daniels asks tiredly, Adam and Claudio nodding in response.

“Of course you are… Moxley! Castagnoli and Page are here! For the billionth time this year” Mr. Daniels says under his breath as Mox walks out the door. “See you next Friday Mr. Daniels!” Mox says with a smirk, causing Mr.Daniels to let out a groan and shut the door. “Thanks for bailing me out like always man” Mox says as he fist bumps Claudio. “My pleasure Mox but you're forgetting someone else came with me to help” Claudio says sweetly as he mentions to Adam.

“Cowgirl!” Mox says happily as he picks up Adam and swings him around. “Babe put me down! You're gonna ruin my outfit!” Adam says with a laugh as Mox kisses him then puts him down. “Sorry princess but I haven't seen you since lunch and now that I'm looking at you… you look pretty darn cute right now” Mox says affectionately, causing Adam to blush. “Stop looking at me like ya wanna eat me!” Adam says as Mox smirks at him. “With the way you're dressed it makes me wanna get a second detention” Mox says seductively but before he does anything he gets stopped by Claudio.

“As much as I would love to third wheel this sexual act I believe we should start walking to our lockers so we can meet up with the others” Claudio offers so he doesn't get severely traumatized. “Oh fuck you're right! We gotta get our seats in the library before those Elite snobs do!” Mox says as he fixes his leather jacket and they all start walking down the hallway. “Care to explain why you got detention this week?” Claudio asks, curious on what bizarre thing Mox did to get sent there this week.

“I may or may not have slashed Mr.Callis’ tires on his new car” Mox says with an innocent look as he holds Adam's hand. “That new blue Lamborghini he just bought?!? You fucking didn't!” Adam says excitedly, Mox nodding in response. “You're gonna ruin that man's life until we graduate aren't you?” Claudio asks, receiving a devilish smile from Mox in return. “He deserves it for trying to fail me in woodshop because making wooden nunchucks isn't safe on school premises or some shit” Mox explains, causing both guys to laugh.

They hear the bell ring signaling that class is over and walk a bit faster as students are filing out. “Hey guys! Over here!” Wheeler yells from the lockers as he waves his hand to get the three's attention. They make it to the lockers where Wheeler and Bryan are standing. When they make it to the lockers, Wheeler hugs all three guys with excitement like he does everyday. They would protect Wheeler at all costs if needed.

“You guys excited for free period? I got a new pack of baseball cards I've been waiting to open to show you guys!” Wheeler says excitedly as he shakes the pack in his hand. “You know I'm excited for anything that doesn't involve homework! Also put those away before someone tries to steal them!” Mox warns, causing Wheeler to put the pack of cards back into his bag. “Ok! Geez! You're such a big brother but anyways you guys like my outfit?” Wheeler asks as he twirls in place.

He's currently wearing a pink sweater with cherries on it, a pink and white checkered skirt, white see-through leggings with white bows and pink converse. “You look absolutely adorable like always Wheeler” Claudio says, causing Wheeler to blush. “Yeah, did your sugar daddy buy it for ya?” Mox asks, making Wheeler laugh. “Yeah he did but don't tell Bryan though because he'll get mad” Wheeler says jokingly, receiving a gentle slap on the ass by Bryan in return.

“I love how I buy you cute things yet you still act like a little shit” Bryan says as Wheeler giggles and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Think you can find me a sugar daddy Wheeler? I think I milked mine dry a while ago” Adam says teasingly, causing Mox to growl at him. “Keep talking like that and I'll make your ass sore for the rest of the year” Mox says seductively, making Adam tremble a bit. “Maybe I should join the cycling team considering I've been third wheeling almost the whole day” Claudio says jokingly, causing everyone to laugh.

“Speaking of that… where's Harley?” Wheeler asks curiously. “Yeah, she's usually with us and ranting about what weird thing her hamster did the night before” Mox says as he looks around the hallway. “She was in the art room with me before I left to pick you up Mox. I wonder what's taking her so long?” Claudio asks worryingly, but he didn't have to worry long before worry turned to annoyance when he heard two familiar voices of people he didn't like.

“Helloooo Claudio!” Mariah says in a sing-song tone that sounds like nails to a chalkboard. “What are you guys doing? Having a jerking session with your pathetic packages?” Mina asks teasingly with a laugh. “Shouldn't you two be on a post scaring away the crows?” Adam asks, which causes Mariah and Mina to glare at him. “Shouldn't you be shoveling pig shit somewhere you filthy hick?” Mariah asks with a sneer. “I don't think he understood you Mariah! You probably need to say it slower so his tiny brain can understand!” Mina says, causing both women to laugh.

Adam felt himself start to cry as Mox pulled him to his chest and growled at the girls. “You two came over here to bother us for a reason so might as well spit it out now before you waste any more of mother earth's precious oxygen” Bryan says with his arms crossed. “Ugh fine you weird little goat man! Claudio, your freaky little girlfriend was in the art room right?” Mariah asks with a devilish smile. “You better go check on her! I heard she had an accident!” Mina says with faux worry.

“Accident? What kind of accident?” Claudio asks, worry setting back in. “That's for you to find out! Anyways ta-ta weirdos!” Mariah says as she pulls out her lighter. “Later losers!” Mina says harshly as both girls walk away, setting their sights on an unsuspecting Kris Statlander to set aflame nearby. “God, they're the worst!” Adam says through sniffles as Mox kisses his forehead.

“Hey Claudio, I got some balloons filled with cow's blood that I got from work in the trunk of my car. Just give me the word and we'll get on the school roof after-school and ruin their whole day” Mox says seriously as Wheeler and Bryan nod in agreement. “No, not yet Mox first I gotta go find Harley and see what happened” Claudio says as he grabs his backpack. “She's probably in the library! We can go with you if you want!” Wheeler offers, but Claudio refuses.

“She likes to be by herself when things happen to her so I'll go talk to her but you guys can stay close by in the projector room next door” Claudio says, with the others nodding in agreement. “Sounds like a plan dude! Now go get your girl or I'm kicking your ass all the way there myself!” Mox jokingly threatens, causing Claudio to let off a little salute as he runs down the hallway. He makes it down the stairway but stops when he sees hall monitor Marina Shafir on patrol. He sees her with a kendo stick in hand and shudders at the thought of being beaten with it.

He's heard the screams of his fellow classmates being beaten senseless by her when they got caught running. He sneakily gets past Marina and when the close is clear he runs to the library. He goes to the little coffee corner in the library and makes him and Harley's usuals. He searches around and hears his girlfriend crying behind a bookshelf which breaks his heart. “Marco” Claudio says quietly on the other side of the bookshelf. “P-Polo…” Harley says quietly as Claudio comes around and sits next to her.

“I got you your usual Kitty” Claudio says sweetly as he hands Harley her cup. “Regular coffee with extra sugar and caramel creamer?” Harley asks through sniffles. “Just the way you like it meine liebe” Claudio says with a small smile. Harley lays her head on Claudio's shoulder as he wraps his arm around her to pull her closer. They drink their drinks in silence for a few minutes until Claudio speaks up. “Are you ready to talk about it?” Claudio asks, causing Harley to sigh.

“I was working on our art project and you know everything was going great! Then you left and Mr.Nana went to get something from the back room and that's when bad things happened! Mariah cornered me in the classroom while Mina got the class fan and turned it on. Then they dumped wet paint on the blade and it splattered all over me and ruined my outfit!” Harley explains rapidly while moving her hands around.

Claudio looks over his girlfriend's outfit so he can see the damage. She was wearing a green turtleneck shirt with a denim overall romper with embroidered mushrooms on the sides and middle with pink and blue knee-high socks and pink converse. She looked absolutely beautiful in it when he saw her this morning but now he sees her clothes are covered with splotches of dried paint. “Oh kitty, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you” Claudio apologizes quietly as he wipes away Harley's tears.

“That's not even the worst part they did” Harley says quietly as she shoves her face into Claudio's chest. “What else did they do?” Claudio asks as he gently scratches Harley's scalp. “They said a weirdo like me doesn't deserve to be with a perfect person like you” Harley says truthfully, which makes Claudio a bit angry. “abscheuliche Dämonen” he says under his breath but the time for revenge on them is later, right now he needs to comfort his girlfriend.

“Harley, let me tell you now that what those two did to you was vile and they'll get their comeuppance. Secondly, do you remember what happened on our first date?” Claudio asks, causing Harley to blush. “Yeah, I invited you to my house! I tried to make crepes to impress you but it just ended up with you helping me air the smoke out the house and us ordering pizza” Harley says with a laugh. “That was also when I realized that dessert pizza is very delicious! But do you remember what you said to me after that?” Claudio asks with a smile.

“I apologized and asked you why you even accepted to go on a date with a weirdo like me” Harley says as she looks into Claudio's eyes. “What did I say after you said that?” Claudio asks, causing Harley to blush even more. “That you didn't mind being with me and that weird was lovely” Harley says happily. “That's right, you being weird has changed my life for the better. You were the splash of color I needed in my boring life and I never wanna change that. Love, you being weird is one of the reasons why I fell in love with you among other things” Claudio says truthfully.

Without hesitation, Harley wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. “You are the best boyfriend ever!!!” Harley says through happy tears. “I wouldn't say the best considering I'm weird myself” Claudio says which causes Harley to spring up and look at him. “You? Weird? Impossible!” Harley says enthusiastically, causing Claudio to blush. “Harley, I'm a nerd who loves to play video games, make my own clothes from scratch, bake pastries and knit outfits for my cat… I'm not exactly perfect like everyone thinks I am” Claudio explains sweetly.

“Well, maybe that's why I fell in love with you! Your weirdness is lovely to me too” Harley says affectionately. Claudio leans in and kisses Harley deeply. “I love you so much Harley” Claudio says affectionately. “I love you too Claudio” Harley says back. “The others are waiting in the projector room and Mox said he has balloons full of cow's blood in the trunk of his car… how about we go get the others and throw them at Mariah and Mina on the roof of the school?” Claudio offers with a smirk, making Harley instantly stand up.

“Yes! Let's do it but what about my outfit?” Harley asks as Claudio gets up as well. Claudio then proceeds to take off his turtleneck jacket and puts it on Harley, covering up her paint covered outfit. “Now everyone will know that your the girlfriend of someone people shouldn't fuck with” Claudio says proudly.

Bryan can feel Yuta’s eyes on him despite being locked up with Mox in the training ring, cringing slightly when Mox elbows him while he’s distracted. “Focus Wheeler!” William calls out firmly. 

Mox and Yuta break apart and Yuta nods to William. “Yes Lordship, I’m sorry.” He mutters before they lock up again.

Bryan watches, throwing in his own two cents as the fight goes on, cheering when Yuta gets Mox on the mat and pins him. They praise and clap him on the back before William sends him to take a shower and sends Claudio into the ring with Mox. 

Bryan follows Yuta to the bench and smiles, sitting beside his younger lover. “You did well, I’m proud of you.” He claps him on the shoulder but raises an eyebrow when Yuta snorts and shakes his hand off. 

“I don't need your acceptance." He mutters, unlacing his shoes.

"Then why do you want it so badly? I saw you looking to see if I was watching, that’s why you have that bruise forming on your face.” He chuckles but realizes that was a bad idea. 

“Yeah? Maybe I’m making sure you got eyes on me and not looking for the next young boy for the BCC.” He growls out, throwing his shoes toward his bag and standing. 

“Woah hey, talk to me Yoots; what’s wrong? I thought we were past this?” He asks, grabbing Yuta’s shirt before he can storm off and pulling him back down. “Talk to me about this.”

Yuta swears and sits down rubbing his face. “I’m sorry-.” He whispers softly. “Danny- he’s posting all this shit about missing things and looking back on past mistakes and I-.” 

Bryan frowns as he looks away, so he moves to squat in front of Yuta to be able to see his face. “And you-?” He tries to coax out the answer gently and smiles when Yuta looks at him.  “And those feelings came back up of me wondering if I’m not going to be enough down the road.” Yuta mutters with a blush forming across his cheeks. “It’s stupid but I wonder if I’m going to lose you again.” 

Bryan clicks his tongue and grabs Yuta’s chin to tilt his head up. “That will never happen again and I’m sorry that you’re still hurting from my mistakes.” He places a soft peck on Yuta’s lips. “Just please stay?” Yuta whispers. “Promise I’m not going anywhere Yoots.”

All his gear is with Claudio and Mox. All his toiletries, his clothes. Yuta left everything back at the arena, all of it likely gathered up and ferried to the hotel.

"You know they'll let you back into the room," Bryan says softly, trying not to sound so hoarse. "This isn't about you, Yuta. You didn't-"

"Bryan," Yuta stops him, pleadingly. He shifts in his chair, gripping Bryan's hand tight. "Don't."

So Bryan doesn't. They sit there in another moment of quiet, and Yuta moves his hand up from Bryan's hand to his neck, tracing down a chord of muscle. The bag left no marks, having been stopped by Bryan's beard - it feels impossible that there are no marks. Just some oxygen depravation, a check for a concussion, and then an overnight stay to watch him (because of his history, not because they thought he was in any ill shape).

It seems so impossible that the attack left so few physical wounds when Yuta feels like there's been a puncture in his chest.

"...They loved you," Yuta breathes, his fingers shaking on Bryan's neck. He doesn't say the rest - Bryan knows. He knows Yuta so well, he knows Yuta through Regal's betrayal, he knows Yuta through the traumatic way he cut his umbilical chord with Chuck and Orange.

They loved you and they did this. What will they do to me?

Bryan tuts and rests his head to the side, looking pointedly at Yuta.

"Wheeler, don't go there in your head. They aren't Regal, are they? Hm? They're Mox and Claudio," Bryan reminds him. Yuta swallows, not meeting Bryan's eyes.

"They're Regal to me," Yuta mutters. Bryan opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Yuta curls his fingers, now pressing his knuckles lightly to the side of Bryan's neck, soaking the warmth along his skin.

A few more minutes go by, and finally the nurse comes back, this time with a firmer tone and a threat to go get a security guard. Yuta could bite someone, he could punch and fight and get himself arrested, but then that would take him away from Bryan for longer than he's already going to be.

Yuta forces his own hackles down and looks apologetically at Bryan, though his mentor is smiling at him. Alive, smiling, not-

-Mox with the bag over his head, not letting go, not looking at him, not letting go, not letting go, not letting go-

"I'll be back in the morning. I plugged your phone in," Yuta says, barely able to hear himself. There's a tea kettle screeching in his head, the shrill noise drowning out all other sounds. He is disoriented with the sound of it, as the nurse taps his foot, eyeing Yuta as he backs up and finally drags himself out of the room.

The door is shut behind him, the curtains pulled over the window. Yuta swallows and looks back, but his mentor is out of sight, and the ringing in his ears is getting louder, worse. It's hot and loud and cooking his brain inside his skull, like an actual kettle, like someone's turned a burner on under his brain and now it's boiling.

He steps. One right after the other, his feet drag him out of the hospital, out into the frigid night air. It's cold, the tip of his nose already starting to chill, but he can still feel the heat inside, the steam rising and putting pressure on his skullcap.

What happens now?

Claudio struck Bryan. Yuta screamed for Claudio - if he'd done that any other day, Claudio would have come sprinting for him. If he'd screamed Claudio's name in any other situation, he would have held him and asked him what was wrong. If he'd screamed for Mox, he would have instantly stood by his side, teeth barred, ready to sink them into the threat.

But tonight, Mox didn't even. Look at him. Claudio's palm on his face, hitting him so hard he smelt copper. They hadn't hurt him. They hadn't hurt him, but. Why did that feel worse?

Oh. Well - violence is a language they taught him, and now, all of a sudden, they're speaking in another tongue. If they'd hit him, pummeled him, maybe things would be clear to him. But he didn't understand this foreign softness, the way they kept their hands off him entirely.

"Yuta!"

He frowns, turning his head. He could have sworn, through the screaming heat-death of his own brain, that he heard someone calling his name. When he looks around, he finds himself sitting on the sidewalk outside the hospital. When had he started walking? When had he stopped?

A shadow falls over him, and then someone's throwing a big puffer jacket over his shivering form. He'd left his BCC jacket with Bryan, because the hospital was too cold and he didn't like watching Bryan shiver under the thin hospital blankets. Which meant he was in a t-shirt.

Until now. Because someone put a jacket on him.

"Yuta?"

It's like a flashbomb had gone off in front of him. The shrilling, the disorientation. At least, that's how he thinks they work from Call of Duty.

"Hey! Look at me!"

Someone grabs the side of his face and wrenches his head to the side, and. He blinks.

Chuck has one knee on the sidewalk, his face all red across his nose and cheeks from the cold, his eyes wide. Orange is walking around behind him, coming to stand in front of Yuta, his skinny legs blocking out the streetlamp across the street.

Chuck's face is what starts to quiet the shrilling in his ears, cooling down his brain before it can melt into a soup, cementing the world around him. Slowly, all that fades away, and Yuta is back on Earth again. And he can hear his own heavy breathing, and the passing of cars, and the wailing of ambulances. He can see Chuck and Orange clearly, feel how cold he is.

"...If you're gonna kick my ass," Yuta breathes, his voice ruined, croaking over every word, "can you at least bring me into the hospital after? I want a bed next to Bryan."

Orange sighs and steps closer, holding his hand out in front of Yuta. It's not the limp half-five he usually gives, rather, he's holding his hand out as if he wants Yuta to take it.

"We're not here to beat you up," Orange says. "We're here to take you to the hotel. Figure you don't have a room."

Yuta frowns at Orange's hand, glancing between him and Chuck. This feels like a joke. This feels like he's a punchline.

"...Why...are you here?" Yuta asks. Chuck looks up at Orange, brows raised, lips pressed together. It takes a moment for him to meet Yuta's eyes again, looking first from Orange to the road, to the sidewalk, to Yuta.

"We saw what happened. You don't have anywhere to go, right?" Chuck asks, and Yuta knows he doesn't mean it in a cruel way. He knows he doesn't mean to ask it in a way that digs invisible fingers into the gaping wound in the center of Yuta's chest to irritate broken blood vessels, getting out more viscera, making it hurt more.

But it's true. Yuta doesn't have anywhere to go.

He should be home. He should be safe with Claudio and Mox. He should be laughing with Claudio and Mox.

"I...." he starts, stops. He's shaking, but he's warm. What does he say to that? He doesn't have anywhere to go, they probably saw. They sat and watched Yuta's family fall apart (again) (not even the first time with this family) and now they were here to give him somewhere to stay.

Because he can't stay with Claudio and he can't stay with Mox and the hospital won't let him stay with Bryan. And Yuta is so young, in the grand scheme of things. Twenty-seven, and he feels every one of those years on his heart. But it's young. And so he cannot fathom having loved two men like he loved Claudio and Mox, and to have them rip him apart.

Yuta loved them more than his years. And yet, he could not go home to them.

"...I think I fucked up," Yuta breathes, his voice hoarse and low in his throat. His lower lip quivers like he's a child, and Chuck swears under his breath as he wraps long arms around him like he's a father. Yuta falls into him, pressing his face into the neck of a man he'd attacked with car parts, a man who had stood across the ring from Yuta and targeted his lower back.

And Orange sits at Yuta's other side, a man who had just this past week landed brutal blow after brutal blow against Yuta's flanks. Yuta had repaid him in kind. Orange rests his head on Yuta's shoulder, looping an arm in Yuta's arm.

"It's okay, shh," Chuck says, hand on the side of Yuta's head. "It's all good. You're gonna be okay."

Yuta doesn't feel like it. In his gut, Yuta thinks that nothing is ever going to be the same again. In his gut, Yuta thinks he was just taught about what love looks like when it does something ugly.

"I want to be with Bryan," Yuta sobs, gripping Chuck's long-sleeve, one of the shitty old ones that Yuta always begged him to throw out because they were older than Yuta was. "What if...what if...."

"He's safe," Orange promises, simple but soothing. Still, Yuta shakes his head, and he feels that wound in his chest pulse with blood as he takes a rattling breath.

"...They love him," Yuta insists, then, "they went for his neck."

Yuta feels like he just reached the root of a nerve. Something looses inside him, unspooling like guts free from an abdomen, and his body goes slack against Chuck. He sucks in another breath and squeezes his eyes shut, and Orange squeezes his arm with all the effort he has left in him.

It strikes Bryan when he’s standing behind a camera, watching Wheeler give a quick interview. It’s something he says, in passing, so casual that Bryan’s stumbling over it as Wheeler continues on with his stream of answers. 

“I don’t want to be sitting at home anymore while guys like Daniel Garcia and Jack Perry are only getting better.”

Yuta doesn’t even look at him when he says it. He doesn’t even look like he wants to look at Bryan when he says it. Bryan, however, finds himself blinking as a realization starts to knot up in the back of his chest, worrying his heart with the implications of it all. Mox and Claudio are too excited to have Wheeler back, to watch him give interviews, to grab onto him once the cameras are off and rough him up and play-wrestle him until Yuta wiggles out from under them.

Wheeler was a perfect fit for the BCC. He always was. They had been missing a last piece all these years, but as old men, they figured that piece had gotten lost somewhere along the way. It had likely already passed them by. But it was Wheeler. Wheeler was the piece. They just had to wait a little while to find him, tucked away in a corner of the world where they had nearly stumbled over him. But he fit perfectly, at first.

And he fits, now. 

But there’s a part of him that’s curled up, dented, like a puzzle piece that had gotten soggy or had been forced too hard into a place where he didn’t fit. He still fits. There’s just…the lines aren’t smooth anymore. And Bryan did that. Bryan bunted the edge of Yuta and now there’s a gap somewhere that just won’t smooth out. 

—--

It’s only after Bryan realizes that there’s still that insecurity in Yuta that he picks up on other things. Like the way Yuta looks grateful whenever Bryan kisses him. Or the way his eyes light up when Bryan seeks him out to spend time together in the garden, or to sit next to each other on planes. Before, he just thought this was what it was like to be loved by Yuta, now that Yuta had matured and they’d closed up all those wounds that they’d opened up a couple years ago. It was just how Yuta loved, how Yuta wanted to be loved. 

Bryan had thought they were fine. Yuta had let him believe they were fine. But for the rest of that week, he notices the way Yuta is tense in training until Bryan offers to help him shower off when they’re done. After that, Yuta leans into him, lets the water roll over them, wraps his arms around Bryan. 

He had always thought Yuta was just touchy.

He did not realize Yuta was keeping Bryan in place.

—--

Did it not matter that Bryan was retiring? Or that Bryan had delayed that retirement because he could not bear to not spend another few months with Yuta in the ring? How could that not have changed the dynamic and assuaged some of Yuta’s fears? How on Earth could Yuta not see a light at the end of the tunnel?

Bryan tries to figure it out, watching Yuta, Mox, and Claudio fuck around with a slip-n-slide that they’d found at a yard sale and immediately set up in their yard. Bryan sits in a chair, nibbling on a slice of watermelon, watching how relaxed and easy Yuta is around Claudio and Mox. 

If it didn’t have anything to do with Bryan actively wrestling with him, then why was Yuta so afraid of the other rookies passing him by? It was illogical, first and foremost - Yuta made four steps for every one that everyone else made. He was so fucking good. He was unbelievable for his age. His attitude was what was going to carry him forward so fast, so far. But it also had everything to do with Bryan, he was positive. He could tell, because he could see, at Yuta said it, the sadness that had once been so potent.

It seemed like a well-worn shirt on Yuta now, that sadness. Was that why Bryan didn’t see it? Had the anxiety become part of his lover’s face?

—--

Yuta is sunburnt and exhausted, half-asleep from all the sun and play. Bryan is slowly rubbing aloe onto his bright red shoulders, with Mox and Claudio napping upstairs. Yuta had burned terribly, and so Bryan had insisted he at least slather on some aloe before crawling into bed with the other two. His other reason was a talk, long overdue.

“Yuta, I want to talk about your interview last week,” Bryan says, smearing more gelatenous green aloe onto Yuta’s neck. Yuta hisses a bit, shifting uncomfortably.

“Yeah?” Yuta asks, and Bryan slides his hand down Yuta’s spine, where he’s burned in a line down his back. Just evidence that Mox hadn’t actually been as careful wiith their sunscreen application as Bryan had insisted.

“You said something that I’ve been thinking about. You said that the other rookies were getting better and better, and you were sitting at home,” Bryan starts, choosing his words carefully. Yuta shrugs, and where before initiating a conversation like this would have made Yuta hunch in on himself, now he seems comfortable with it.

Now, it doesn’t seem like it bothers him. Like the scar had been around so long that it didn’t hurt. 

Or, it hurt. But the pain was part of his life now. Bryan had heard about chronic illness sufferers and how most of the time they just…have the pain there. It becomes woven into the fabric of their lives, only causing breakdowns sometimes. Other times, the pain is just…pain.

Had Bryan given Yuta a chronic pain?

“You’ve seen Garcia. He’s gunning for Ospreay right now - and honestly, he could win. He’s getting better really fast. And Konosuke is like, a beast. I had months on the shelf just stagnating while they were on TV,” Yuta reasons. “I need to catch back up. I just wish I didn’t come back so close to Forbidden Door, I don’t know how I’ll get a match booked with two weeks left.”

It is no secret why Yuta pointed out Garcia and Konosuke. It is not meant to hurt Bryan.

Yuta thinks this topic is obvious now.

…Yuta thinks Bryan knows.

His hands stop on Yuta’s biceps, where he’s dusted with sunburn. All of his back is sticky and slick now, and he’s going to have to sleep on his stomach to avoid pain and destroying the sheets. That must be all that’s on Yuta’s mind right now, while stares a hole into the back of his head. Sitting at the kitchen table like that, Bryan can see the pain he’s caused. The pain he got Yuta used to.

He needs to say something wise, something to soothe Yuta when the young man doesn’t even know that something is wrong. He needs to fix this. But Bryan, he’s growing older now, and his words don’t come as easy as they used to, and they stumble over his tongue. He feels desperate, when it comes to Yuta. He wants to impress him. He wants to help him. He wants to…fix this. 

But all he says is

“I love you, Yuta.”

It’s not enough.

Yuta tilts his head and turns in the chair, looking genuinely perplexed. But there, right under his thick beard, there is a slight twitch in his jaw. Nearly imperceptible to anyone who hadn’t watched Wheeler choke back tears as many times at Bryan had. 

Bryan furrows his brow and he grabs Yuta’s forearm, the sticky aloe smearing on his armhair.

“Why did you say that in the interview?” Bryan asks. 

“I…don’t want to fall behind,” Yuta says, tilting his head. “Are you okay, Bry? Do you need me to get Mox?” 

Bryan shakes his head.

“Are you dizzy? Like…is your head okay?” Yuta worries, sitting forward more, his hand resting against the bald spot on the side of Bryan’s head. “I know you got your head knocked in the match. Has it been bothering you?”

Yuta cares so deeply for Bryan. Whenever Bryan looks at him, it hurts to know how much he loves this young man. How much this young man loves him. 

And he could blame Orange Cassidy. He could blame Chuck Taylor. He could blame Trent. God, he could easily blame Trent.

But it’s not the same for Mox and Claudio, and if there is a common denominator here, it’s Bryan and the time he spent carving rules into the inside of Yuta’s skull until they became permanent. He shakes his head, and Yuta just looks at him, and the worst part is that Bryan wonders if it even hurts Yuta anymore. Does it even hurt him anymore?

“Yuta, do you still think I’ll stop loving you if you fall behind?” Bryan asks.

He could have punched Yuta in the face and the expression would have been less extreme than the one Yuta has on now. Like he’d spoken an unforgivable thing, Yuta looks at him accosted, sitting back, his chest sinking in. Bryan keeps his hand on Yuta when Yuta takes his own hand off Bryan’s head, and the answer is sitting plain between them. And Yuta’s response is sitting plain between them:

You didn’t know?

“Yuta,” Bryan breathes. “...I thought you knew. I thought we got past this.”

“We did,” Yuta lies. “...I know you love me.”

“You don’t think I’ll always love you,” Bryan says. “You think if you fall behind I’ll stop. It’s not about Garcia anymore.” And Yuta opens his mouth to speak, closes it. His jaw twitches. His eyes are dry and red. Gently, because Yuta’s been nursing an open wound for so long, working diligently to keep it from getting infected, Bryan scoots his chair forward until his knees are bracketing Yuta’s and he wraps his arms around him, pulling him in. 

It’s not about Garcia anymore.

Was it ever about Garcia?

When they made up, did Yuta just accept that Bryan loves him now? 

“Yuta, fuck. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t-”

“Yuta,” Bryan says softly, then, “Wheeler, when I said that I loved you, when we- when I thought we buried this thing, I meant that there’s nothing you can do to get me to stop loving you. You can break your neck and retire tomorrow and I’ll love you for however long we have left.”

And Yuta is so stiff in his arms, but his hands are creeping along his thighs, his hips, inching up to his waist. 

“...Can I…can I fucking. Take a moment, Bry?” Yuta asks. 

“Okay. I’m not letting you go, though,” Bryan says, fingers carding through the short hair on the back of Yuta’s head. 

And so he lets Yuta take a moment, and he lets Yuta breathe, and he lets Yuta have a moment to himself. Gradually, he feels the muscles in Yuta’s back soften up, and then his hands tuck up under Bryan’s shirt so he can hold onto his skin at his sides. Bryan hears a couple sniffs, but that’s all.

“I’m so scared of disappointing you,” Yuta mutters out of their silence. “I’m not scared of having to retire or not being able to keep wrestling. I’m scared that you’ll have done all of this and I end up still wrestling…but I’m not good. I’m scared that after everything I’ll be mediocre.”

Bryan blinks a couple times, then he sits back. Yuta’s head is ducked and he can’t look Bryan in the eye, but that’s not an issue for Bryan, who takes Yuta by his chin and makes him face him. 

“...You are already so far beyond mediocre, Yuta. You amaze me, every time I see you - fuck, I prolongued my career just because I want to share in all these insane things you do. You inspired me, Yuta. Why the fuck would you ever be- no, no, okay, it’s not. It isn’t even about that.” Bryan shakes his head. “Let’s say, in this impossible, imaginary world, that you end up being a mediocre wrestler. So long as you’re still Wheeler Yuta, I’m going to love you. It won’t change!

“What can I tell you now that I didn’t tell you last time? How can I make you believe that this,” and Bryan motions to both of them, “isn’t negotiable. It won’t end. How do I get you to believe that?”

And there is no cure for chronic illness, so perhaps Bryan’s metaphor wasn’t entirely accurate. Words and actions don’t assuage chronic illness. The pain is there, it cannot be cut out.

Bryan refuses to believe that is the case here. He refuses to believe he can’t fix this, can’t grab Yuta and turn over his brain in his hands until he finds a way to make his piece fit again.

“This…this is good,” Yuta says, and he leans forward, resting his forehead on Bryan’s. “...This is good.”

“Is it?” Bryan asks. “I don’t want you to keep thinking after this that you have to keep trying so hard. You shouldn’t want to improve for anyone but yourself, Yuta. There’s nothing else you need to do. Be the best technical wrestler because it’s what you want - everything else is locked in. Do you understand this time?”

Yuta swallows, and he nods. And all at once, he looks so unspeakably tired. Like how the pain had been ruining his stamina, his energy, his mind, for so long. And now it’s gone, for now, at least a little bit, at least as a start, and Yuta looks like he couldn’t bear to take another step until he’s had a long, long rest.

“Good. You should sleep now,” Bryan says. Yuta looks up at him again, finally, and,

“I love you,” he breathes. Relieved. 

“I love you, too, shithead.”

Yuta huffs out a laugh, and Bryan, because the emotional toll of a single emotional conversation has run him ragged, wraps an arm around his waist and stands them both up. Yuta makes a surprised noise when Bryan grabs him by the backs of his thighs to lift him up, making Yuta wrap his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck.

“This isn’t a passionate sex thing,” Bryan warns. “Your back is just burnt and I want to carry you to bed.”