#brokenxsoldier

let's talk about those people that idolized steve rogers, captain america ( with bucky barnes, in this instance equally ( tho probably more so ) they are as fucked up as each other ) who fought the last standing menace, hydra. this is the man who risked everything for his country, hell, the WORLD. and let's talk about those people seeing steve rogers today: a cold, quiet, cynical, very much DANGEROUS person who has come out of this worse than imaginable. the man who gave everything ------ and LOST it all, too. and losing that, losing everything he had and everything he fought for, has made his outlook on the world so dark, that when people exlaim, 'look, it's captain america!', he wants to turn and hiss, 'that's NOT who i am anymore'

let's talk about the fact that in the facility, when steve and bucky were thrown in the cell together, how the world outside them dwindled, WENT ON WITHOUT THEM. no rescue ( tho i'll sure as hell bet the commandos tried to find them ). no hope. just TORTURE, day in, and day out. and the torture wasn't exclusive for either of them; they wiped them both, they beat them both, nothing was off limits. and bucky's come back one day with a prosthetic, like nothing steve has seen, and it's then that a deep, ANIMALISTIC protectiveness surges out of him. that he knows that bucky's safety is paramount, important above all else: the ONE MISSION he will follow through on for the rest of his life

and continuing this thought, because hydra would be compromised eventually, they'd get in, the SSR could get them out or their facility could be abandoned, idek, hydra throws them in a cryo chamber, lets them essentially ROT in suspended time, until one day shield finds them. shield finds captain america with bucky barnes, both having survived the fall, the war, but really, they DIDN'T. they didnt survive because the men shield finds in that chamber aren't the men that walked side by side in the videos, in the old SSR films or army regulation files. 

steve won't align himself with shield. he sure as hell isn't aligned with hydra. his ONLY allegiance is to bucky. plain and simple. because in that cell, as they waited for death for weeks, months, whatever it was, bucky was his constant. his stability. he was his gravity that kept him going. because the purpose of bucky's life was to in turn give purpose to steve's. it's a dependent cycle that relies so heavily on one another, but somehow, it works, and somehow, they make it happen

but on the subject, let's also talk about bucky and steve after the war and after cryo

because steve refuses shield and he refuses any sort of control over them and over the world. people offer them help COUNTLESS times ( one doesn't go through that hell and come out the same on the other end ). they refuse it. steve doesn't need more DOCTORS poking at them, prodding for flaws when they're plain and simple enough. bucky's programming is broken and flawed ( he was more of a guinea pig than anything, and steve was too, but bucky received more of it, by far ). steve's sticks somehow, in mild ways ---- his due diligence being that he's a SOLDIER, and the rule of following orders never leaves him. as a captain, he's used to giving orders too. bucky, tbh i don't think he was crazy about going overseas in the first place. his being a soldier and the principles he followed didn't align with steve's. the programming to make steve and EFFECTIVE soldier were easy enough, it was a matter of changing the mission and the protocols. bucky was broken from the beginning, from zola's table. that was a harder challenge, and it was too much on bucky

so when bucky loses it, breaks down and can't focus or concentrate or hear over the S T A T I C in his brain, steve takes over. he's his CO, he has to. but as his CO, he violates these unspoken rules between himself and bucky: that they don't be like hydra, that they don't become what they wanted. yet there are times when speaking ORDERS at him in russian are necessary. there are times he takes advantage of the power he has over bucky to keep him safe, keep him where he wants him to be. bucky doesn't obey blindly by any means, but he certainly doesn't argue most of the time whens steve's voice is a low HISS in his ear, an overpowering tone that leaves bucky without any desire to argue. because steve is there for his safety, his protection, and steve knows what is best. even if that best is what may be the WORST THING for him.

and dude i've written an essay but this is the SMALLEST BIT of my feels about hydra steve, esp in regards to bucky. but maybe u get a grasp of ho W B ADLY I NE E D THI S TO HA P P PEN NNN N ]