"This is not a fictional story but rather the story of a broken girl who exists and is still healing from pain."
I just want to share my story because why not?
Back in 2020, I met a girl and fell for her so deeply, so obsessively. Then 2023 came, and she had to enter police training for six months. We barely communicated.
And then there was another girl we'll call her Jane. That’s not her real name, of course. But she kept leaving flirty comments on my girlfriend’s posts, saying things like, “That’s my baby” and “She’s mine” fully aware of my existence.
One day, while I was on a video call with my girlfriend, Jane suddenly appeared in front of the camera and wiped the sweat off my girlfriend’s back. It made me really uncomfortable. So I confronted my girlfriend and asked for boundaries. But she insisted that Jane was just her buddy, her best friend in the camp.
Still, it made me jealous and hurt. I kept asking for boundaries, but in the end, she broke up with me and moved on just like that. As if I were the villain in her story. Maybe I was?
Graduation day came, and I was still hoping to win her back hoping she would understand why I felt jealous of her best friend. They were together 24/7 inside that training camp, barely interacting with outsiders, barely using their phones to contact their loved ones. Maybe she would understand me, right?
At her graduation, I was so happy to see her again, even wiping her sweat, being sweet to her. But she was distant, walking so fast that I had to run just to keep up. Still, I smiled when she introduced me as her girlfriend to some of her colleagues.
But that was a mistake. It made me look like a fool.
Her colleagues asked, “Is it true you’re her girlfriend?” and I, blushing and smiling, nodded proudly, saying, “Yes, I am.” My heart exploded with happiness. Maybe I could still fix this. Maybe I could still fight for her. Spending money to see her again felt worth it.
Then her best friend showed up with her boyfriend, and suddenly, my girlfriend looked worried too worried just because Jane had a stomachache. That hurt me deeply. In front of me, she acted like that? Distancing herself from me just to be beside Jane? Was she really just a friend?
Anyway, she asked her family to give me a ride home.
In the van, while texting her, she kept pushing me away, telling me she didn’t want me anymore, that she didn’t love me anymore, that I should move on. She even denied introducing me as her girlfriend earlier that day. Do you see how stupid I looked?
Her family lived far from where I was staying, so they dropped me somewhere to catch a bus. While sitting on that bus, I was still begging her to come back, but she didn’t want a relationship with me anymore. I kept calling, texting, and pleading until she stopped replying altogether.
So I asked, “Is Jane the reason? Do you love her?”
I begged for two months. And then, one day, I saw a post that shattered my heart into dust.
She posted a picture of herself with Jane, along with a long caption thanking her for making training easier, saying how much she loved her. As if I had never existed. As if our years together had meant nothing.
She never even did that for me.
After seeing that post and her MyDays with Jane, I finally blocked her. I tried to move on I really did. I sought help from a psychiatrist, hoping it would make things easier. I was on medication for months, but the pain never left. I still think about that post. About her worried face. About Jane’s comments. About everything.
It’s been two years, and I still love her. I’m still haunted by the thought: Was it really my fault for being jealous and asking for boundaries? I only reacted that way because of what she and Jane did in the first place.
Then, in November 2024, she contacted me, asking for forgiveness. No, she doesn’t love me anymore, but she felt guilty about what happened. She still insists that Jane was only her best friend. But they live and work together now.
When she reached out to me again, it gave me an opportunity to add her back on Facebook. At first, she didn’t confirm it, so I gave her a heads-up that I had sent her friend requests on social media. I was hoping that if she accepted, I could see her again, check up on her more often.
Because deep down, I was hoping she reached out because she realized she still loved me and wanted me back.
Then December 2024 came, and she reached out again. I was very sick at the time. I remember lying in bed, weak, and still longing for her love and affection.
She showed a little care reminding me to take my medicine, to eat. I had been craving that attention for so long. But even though she showed some care, she remained distant.
And in that moment, I realized: I get it. She doesn’t want me anymore. She’s being distant even while showing concern because she doesn’t want me to fall for her again.
But the truth is I never stopped loving her.
I did everything for her. I spent everything I had just to see her again, just to be with her again.
We talked and talked. I told her how broken and wrecked I was when she left me (which, I know, was probably a mistake it might have pushed her further away). But I don’t know. I just wanted her to know that, to this day, I am still haunted by the pain and trauma.
And yet, deep inside, I still hope she’ll come back. I still want to be with her.
It’s funny how a brokenhearted person can believe in impossible things. I’ve tried everything from begging and praying to God every day, asking Him to make her love me again, to wanting her back so desperately.
Did it work? Of course not.
Maybe magic doesn’t really exist.
Still, I keep hoping. Still praying. Because deep in my heart, I love her. And I want her back.
I miss everything about her her body, her kiss, her smile. I crave to hear her moaning again and everything else. Honestly, I don’t understand how the person who ruined my mental health and broke my heart is also the person I still desperately want to be with.
It’s been almost two years since it happened, and I still crave her love.
People say love always wins, but in reality, love doesn’t win most of the time. Because when you love someone too much, when you give off that magnetic pull toward them, they just end up running away.
To this day, I am still broken. To this day, I am still haunted by the pain, by the memory of Jane flirting with my girl, by the argument that tore us apart, maybe permanently.
I still love her. I still want her. But now, all I can do is love her from a distance checking her social media from time to time, even though I know she has probably restricted me from seeing some of her posts.
Even though I keep stalking them both, I know it won’t help me move on.
I love her. I want her. I miss her so much.
Maybe sharing this will help. Maybe it will help me release some of the longing that’s trapped inside my mind.
But I just want to tell her I still love you. I still miss you. I miss everything about you.
