No matter how hard I try,
No matter how much I cry,
In the end I still don't understand
What you see in that broken mess that I am.
You call me adorable, you call me wise
I wonder if you just haven't realized
That every step I take feels like
Walking on very thin ice.
Or maybe you've just got lost in my lie?
In that shiny facade that I've built,
because there is so much to deny?
So much anger, sadness, shame and guilt?
Well, it would make way more sense
Than you standing by my side in my defense.
Though everytime I try to tell you that
You look at me like I am something worth to protect.
And i don't want to let go of that glance,
so let me be selfish for once more
and let me pray
That you saw behind all of my pretense
and still chose to stay.
AN: To everyone who doubts that they are worth it, who wonders how people can love them and who feels like they are deceiving their loved ones because they don't seem to see the mess of insecurities that you are, the contradictions and chaos, this huge pile of broken pieces that just seem to need too much effort to be mended - you are worth it, every single effort, every single gesture of acceptance and love. We didn't choose to become whatever it is that we are and heck, we didn't deserve to be hurted, neglected, abused and whatever it is that happened to us. But we can't change that anymore. And maybe it will happen again because life is seldom fair. But nothing of that means that we are not worth of love, understanding and acceptance. Because we are. We deserve all of that, too.
And i hope that one day you can believe that, too.
