You wanted to argue with them, wanted to remind them that Gryphon had cleared you, that they had left her in the same room as you, same bed as you all night, and nothing bad had happened. But, it’s actually Sage that says something first, “Okay, you guys need to lighten up.” She states, pulling the chair out in front of you to sit. “Would either of you hurt Oli?” They both bristle at the allegation like they can’t even imagine a world where that could happen. “Exactly. So stop acting like she's got a bomb strapped to her chest. Oli doesn't need you two men deep protecting her from her own bond.”

The pair look at each other, properly chastised by Sage, before Gabe pipes up, “But, you could hurt Giavana even if you can’t hurt Riley.” His sentence hangs in the air for a second, everyone quiet as Sage looks over her shoulder at a couple behind her. The man has his hand on the woman’s waist as she sits in his lap, laughing at something he has said. They look happy together, which makes Sage look sad in turn. You realize that this must be her bond group, and a touchy subject for her, as she sits with you and not them. You feel indignation, like a rock, grow in your chest on Sage’s behalf, because even if it wasn’t meant to be, that felt like a low blow and one look at Oli tells you that she feels the same.

“It’s different for a central,” Oli interjects, wanting to remove the attention of Sage, “I couldn’t hurt a single one of you even if I wanted to. My bond wouldn’t let me because you belong to me, and so does she, so maybe lay the fuck off her?” The table stays quiet after that, while your heart swells at her words. You were hers. You belonged to her just as they did. You’d never belonged with anyone before your bonds, and you think maybe the voice had been right all this time. Maybe it wasn’t so scary to want them, to want to be with them if it felt this good to be Oleander’s. One look at Sage’s face however, tells you otherwise, her grief as apparent as her need to breathe. It reminds you that allowing another person to have this kind of power over you is dangerous.

Here the four of you are, rubbing your bond in her face, intentional or not, and it makes you feel awful. You lean forward, chest pressed against the table to whisper to Sage, “As a central, it hurts to be away from your bonds, even when the human side is being stupid. I’m sure he’s struggling too and just doesn’t know what to do about it.” She nods to you, understanding that you are trying to reassure her as best you can. “Sometimes we have other things going on, and it doesn’t mean that we don’t want our bonds. There isn’t anything wrong with you.” You reach your hand across to place it on top of hers for a quick squeeze, and then drop it back in your lap.

You know that the table heard you, that Atlas and Gabe heard you, and maybe you said it for them, too. Maybe, even if you still have a hard time talking with them, you want them to understand that you’ve got things going on outside of this bond group, and you need space. Like what you told Gryphon, regardless of if he respects that while in your head or not. You want to look at your bonds now, so they know you meant it, but you don’t -can’t.

A boy who looks strangely like Sage stops you from needing to. “Damn, Fallows. I could forgive you for four hot bonds, maybe five, but six? Do you collect sexy people like Pokémon cards?” He sits beside Sage, dropping his lunch tray on the table with a bang.

“Hello, Sawyer,” Oli says, and you can hear the sarcasm in her voice, “Always a pleasure to have you here.”

“This is my brother,” Sage tells you, inclining her head towards him, “You can ignore him if you want.”

The tension at the table dissipates in an instant, Sawyer changing the air with his presence alone. He wears the same letterman jacket as the rest of the football team, with this sort of cocky air about him. You're not sure if you're going to hate him, or if he’s going to become your new favorite person.

He shovels food in his mouth like he’s unsure when he’ll be fed next, his selection not at all like Gabe’s vegetables, and you wonder if Gabe is the outlier on the team.

“So we're all going to Darcy’s party Friday night, right?” He asks, mouth still full of French Fries. “Fallows, I need you in because I need Sage in, and she doesn’t go anywhere without you anymore.” He points a fry between the two of them before putting it in his mouth.

Oli looks around the tables, her eyes falling on you, “I don’t know. We have to get permission from North to do anything.”

Sawyer scuffs at that, before chewing more of his food. “Easy. One of you,” he points to Oli, “give him the sad girl I won’t do anything wrong eyes,” and then he points to you, “and the other show some tit. Boom party on Friday, it's that easy.”

Both Gabe and Atlas tense beside you at his words, hands clenched both above and below the table. Atlas is the one to actually speak up, teeth pressed together in an attempt to keep his composure, “Sawyer,” he says as a threat, “don’t talk about my bonds that way. Because my bonds really like your sister, and she seems to really like you, and I’d hate for her to experience what her life would be like without you in it.”

Almost without missing a beat, and quite literally missing the hint, Sawyer turns your way, head slightly lulled to the side, and says, “They're kinda hot when they're angry, right?”

Gabe spits out a “Benson,” as your hand comes down on Atlas’ thigh almost on instinct. It feels like you're holding him in place, even if he is stronger than you, the motion showing that you don’t want him to react. You don’t feel Atlas move, don’t hear him say anything else, as the look on Sawyer's face changes. His eyes flick between the two of you, and you can feel him gearing up to say something as Sage grabs him by the arm and forces him up.

“I’ll see you guys later!” she says, pulling him along with her, leaving both their trays on the table. You can hear Sawyer's complaints, but the two move farther away from your group.

When you finally turn to Atlas, the tips of his ears are red, his mouth is fighting a smile, and he’s looking down at your hand. The one that’s closer to his hip than his knee. The one that is in a very dangerous area for someone who can’t have their bond. The one that is now noticing something that you hadn’t noticed before as it grows beneath it. The squeak you make is almost comical, your hand flying up to your chest as you cradle it with your other. You hadn’t meant to, but that hardly matters now.

As you look at Atlas, ready to apologize, throat seizing up, you can see the thoughts filtering through his head as he decides what to say. You can hear it now, his words mimicking the ones Gryphon had said, telling you that you're welcome to touch him, but he doesn’t say like that at all.

He tilts his head to the side and leans down into your eyesight as you try to look away from him. “That’s the first time you’ve chosen to touch me, Sunshine.” His voice is a whisper for only you as the words land lightly, “make sure to do it again, even if it’s only my hand next time?”

You can feel your skin burning as you look past him to Oli, both embarrassed and confused by his switch-up. Her own lips are fighting a smile, and you don’t even want to risk looking at Gabe. Regardless of whether it feels like the adult thing to do right now, you stand and storm off in the direction of the women’s bathroom, because that’s the only place you know he can’t follow you.

As you make your way through the tables, you can hear them behind you. The sound of someone trying to follow you, and Oli stopping them, telling them you need space and that she will take care of you. You're not sure if you want her following either, the embarrassment still bearing down on you causing you physical pain, but you also know it’s the first time today they have trusted you enough to be alone with her.

When you make it to the bathroom, you head straight for the sink. The water is cool as you splash your face with it in hopes of calming your nerves. Oli doesn’t say anything when she enters, just stands by supportively, until you’ve got yourself under wraps.

“Are you okay now?” She asks, coming up beside you and placing her hands on your biceps, rubbing up and down in a soothing motion. You almost groan as your forehead falls to her collarbone.

“Oli, I touched his dick. In the middle of the lunch room. With Sage and Sawyer there. I think,” the embarrassment balls up in the pit of your stomach again, “I think I want to explode.”

She laughs, a deep belly laugh causing your head to rise and fall with her, “Happy first day of college!”

You think, just for a moment, that death is preferable to going back out there and seeing your bonds again.

“Well, was it at least big,” she asks, leaning back a little to look down at you.

You lift your head, looking up at her through your eye lashes in the most deadpan expression you can, “It’s fucking huge.”

She giggles, hands still on your biceps as she squeezes them. “Good. When we figure this shit out with your head,” one of her fingers comes up to poke between your eyes, “and you finally bond him, I need all the details. I just know that man can fuck.”

You choke, actually choke, on the spit in your mouth because you don’t know how to fuck, have never fucked, and if you don’t figure out this issue with your head, will never fuck.

“Plus we need to get one of their scents in our bed again or else I’m going to become a monster.” It takes you a second to come to terms with what she just said because the use of ‘our’ is still bouncing around in your head.

“What.”

“I think we just need to parent trap them. We could lock them in our room and tell them they have to roll around in the sheets to be let out or is that too weird?” You giggle at the absurdity of the question, because yes it is too weird, but you get what she means. You will also be the worst version of yourself when you can’t at least pretend Atlas is in the same bed as you.

“I do think he’d be into handcuffs. Maybe we just do that and leave him there?” The both of you laugh, as she pulls you into a hug, and you stay like that for a moment.

“Good idea.” Her arms around you are tight, almost like she needs this contact more than you, as your chin rests on her shoulder. “Are we good to go back out there yet?” You hug her, just a bit tighter, and bury your nose in her neck to take a deep, calming breath before nodding and moving away.

“Yes, but I can’t promise I won’t vomit if they mention it again.”

“Deal.”

When the two of you make it back to the lunch table, the rest of the trays have been cleared, and a bags of chips sit in your spot. The chips aren’t your favorite, but you forgive them because there is no way they could know that information yet. Atlas and Gabe have moved away from each other, leaving a two-seat gap between them, and they both stare at Oli and you advancing towards the chairs.

Gabe scratches the back of his neck when you sit down beside him -unsure if you can ever sit beside Atlas again-, “You didn’t get to finish lunch, so I thought you might still be hungry. Nox will be a bitch about it if you eat in his class, but we have a good 10-minute walk over there.” There is a small smile on your face -that fights to become a big one- as you look over at him. They really seem to like to show that they care by feeding you, so you take a page out of their book.

When you open the bag and take out a chip to eat, Gabe seems proud of himself, a smile firmly planted on his face as you munch. You pull out another and offer it to him, eyebrows raised, and he just shakes his head, “Nah, I don’t eat that garbage.” You're not sure what that says about how he views you, who definitely eats that garbage, so your face falls, but you don’t lower the chip just yet. If anything, you had seen this as a peace offering, and it kind of sucks that he doesn’t want to accept it.

You can hear Atlas and Oli whispering behind you, but you can’t make out the words, so you ignore them, choosing to eat the chip and mind your own business, but Gabe’s hand on your wrist stops you. “I’ll eat it if you want me to bond.” He leans forward, coming into your space as his lips wrap around the chip, catching your fingers slightly. He watches your reaction as he chews and swallows, the action followed by your eyes before they go back to his lips, inches from your fingers, from your face.

“Have another bond,” he says, using that word again, not moving away, but also not moving closer. His scent is the only thing you smell, surrounding you and making it hard to think, as your eyes bounce between his own and his lips. Because they were gentle on your fingers, and you want to know if he kisses like that. If they are really as soft as they look. His hand is still on your wrist, thumb caressing your pulse point as it jumps under his ministrations. The bond in your chest rumbles, fighting against whatever in the drugs puts it to sleep, its emotions filling your head for a moment, yearning for him so desperately you almost give in, almost fall forward into him, the spectacle you’d be, be damned. The longer you're around your bonds, the less the drugs seem to work; something in them not enough to hold back the monster beneath your skin. It’s this thought that releases you from the moment.

His tongue darts out, wetting his lips, and you turn away, pulling your wrist with you, you falling like water from his grasp. You can tell he’s upset, as you see him pull back, his shoulders rolling forward to protect himself, his face falling from the carefree smirk that was just on it. He’s just as beautiful now, face scrunched up in a sour look, as when he’s happy, the emotion not really mattering because he always has this sort of breathtaking beauty. You're not sure if he’s upset because he wants you as badly as you want him, or if it’s because he thinks he deserves you for doing a kind deed. The thought brings bile to your throat, and the taste of the chips on your tongue putrefies.

It’s easier to be angry at him, to make assumptions about his motives, to put distance between you, than it is to want him so desperately. But it’s hard to do that when his scent is still in your nose, his presence like a live wire beneath your skin. Everything about him calls to you, to protect and be kind and to love. You want to be angry at him, want to force this distance between you so it’s not so hard to be in the same room as him, but you can’t. And the thought of him being angry at you is worse, like someone taking stones and pressing them into your chest until they crush in on themselves. Grinding them into nothingness, your chest red and angry from it. You can’t be angry at him, and he can’t be angry at you, which means you need to fix this.

It’s not until you're on your way to Gifted 101 that you reach into your pocket and pull up his contact name, Gabriel Ardern. As a passing thought, you wonder if that’s how North programs everyone into his own phone, first and last name, and it almost makes you laugh. Of course he would. Being serious in all things is the only way you’ve ever seen North Draven react, and that would extend into how he programs yours and Oli’s phones, for sure. When you actually look at the company spot, the word “Bond” in bold stands out, like he’s afraid you're going to forget who they are. You click over to Oli’s name to be sure, and she has been delegated as “Co-Central”. If it wasn’t more funny than stupid, you might bring it up, but you're sure he won’t see the humor in it.

As you type out the message to Gabe, you don’t really pay attention to where you're going, full attention on what you want to tell him. It’s not until you finish crafting it that you realize Gabe had been running interference around you so you could walk and text in peace. It whittles out that hollow space in your chest even more, because even though he is upset with you, he still makes sure to do little things that show he cares. When the message goes through, you can see his lock screen is a picture of Oli laughing, and you wonder when he took it, her face open and happy. It had to have been some time before you got here, and complicated their dynamics even more than before.

When the group of you files into class, you see Sage already sitting in a row of seats, two empty on either side of her. Atlas and Oli take the two on her left, and you and Gabe take the two on her right, positioning Sage between Oleander and yourself. You don’t mind the Sage buffer as much as the bond buffer, because you know she doesn’t do it out of concern. When you place your things in front of you, you see Gabe typing away before your own phone buzzes.

When you open your messages you skim over your own text again, “I’m sorry. I just need more time to get used to everything and make sure that the Resistance isn’t using me to hurt you. This is all still very new to me.” The thought of saying it out loud had occurred to you, but the cons of admitting you're probably a Resistance spy in a lunch room full of Anti-Resistance gifted outweighed the pros.

“I’m not trying to push. I’m sorry if I seemed upset earlier, I’m still figuring this out too.” You stare at your phone for a minute, trying to come up with something to say because you do think he deserves some grace as long as you get some in return. You begin typing, only to erase it, the words lost on you. It’s not until you feel his knee knock into yours that you look over at him, notebook laid between his outstretched arms, him leaning forward in his seat, mouth obscured by his shoulder muscles as he looks at you from behind them. “Friends?” He mouths to you lifting his head slightly, and you nod. Being friends with him over whatever it is you currently have going on should make things much easier to deal with.

“Friends,” you whisper back. His face lights up at the sound of it, knowing it’s the first time you’ve chosen to speak to him not out of necessity. Today has been full of a lot of firsts for you unfortunately, and you're sure tomorrow will be full of even more now that you’re out of Mayfield or wherever the hell you really were.

His knee doesn’t move from yours again, a small comfort the both of you allow in the moment, as he keeps staring at you over his arm. You cross your arms and lay your head down on them to look back at him. “What?” You mouth, the room still full of chatter as Nox has yet to arrive.

He leans in now so you can hear his whisper, elbow touching yours, “Friends can tell friends how pretty they are right?” You smile, but shake your head at him anyway knowing that this will probably be your reality for the next little while. You’d expect this from Atlas, him never stopping his flirting, but not Gabe.

“Friends Gabriel,” there is humor in your whisper so you know he will ignore you, but this was a start, a boundary that you can put in the sand. When it’s time to erase it, the two of you will have built a base for your relationship in friendship.

Sage giggles to you left and points to Gabe, humor in her voice as she says, “Friendzoned.”

He shakes his head still looking at you over his arm and smiles, “I can wait.” You know he means it in the same way you know that the contact with him brings you peace. You can feel it in every bone of your body, not needing a gift like Gryphon’s to hear the truth in his words. You know that this is a turning point for your relationship, him finally seeing you as someone who is worth waiting for, someone worth understanding. And it might be small, but this gives you hope, builds a fire in your chest next to the hole not having your bonds created. It might be dumb, but you finally feel excited for what comes next. So you sit beside Gabe, a smile on your face, and just enjoy it.

Master List || Next

********

Taglist:

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered

@thecuratoroofsaza