So, I went to see Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Let me preface this by saying, I am not a Marvel Cinematic Universe fan. I have liked a few one-off movies, but I don’t care about 95% of the MCU, although I fear that one day soon I may have to bite the bullet if I want to continue enjoying – and understanding – these one-offs.
There was a line in there about “moving on” being an American, or Western, idea, offered up by the grandmother of Katy, who’s family immigrated to the United States at some point (Katy refers to her mother as American, so either before her mother was born, or shortly afterwards). It made me pause and reflect on that.
Now, the movie Shang-Chi involves a lot of thought of souls, family, and ancestors – after all, the Big Bad is a literal soul eater.
For our sake, however, I want to consider not moving on, as it was suggested in the movie. It was brought up with the topic of a Day of the Dead, and leaving things out. We’ve seen this in other traditions, notably Día de los Muertos, where a day is set aside to honor, remember, and feed/care for their dead. This can go back generations, to relatives someone never knew personally, but heard about.
As someone who intends to set aside days on an individual basis (birthdays and/or dates of death) for my loved ones when they pass, the consideration that this is not “moving on” struck me as interesting, until I considered my own family.
My dad doesn’t outwardly acknowledge the birthday or dates of death of his parents. Nor do I know people in my life who mark moments for the dead, at least when they’re elderly dead. People who passed young seem to be recalled for a while longer with birthdays marked and a “how old they would be” noted. Turning 13 is more notable than turning 93, I suppose.
Yet even these seem to fade. People “move on”, and that seems to involve a sort of forgetting. No longer setting a place. No longer celebrating their days, or moments they would have enjoyed.
Moving on is a strange idea, to me, if that’s what moving on is.
I don’t see a reason not to mark the days of good people, when my mind marks the days of people I’d rather forget.
I mark the day my cat passed, September 4. I don’t always recall it exactly, and that may even be a little wrong – it came up on an FB memory. My way of remembering is because it happened near the Renaissance Festival, and that’s always Labor Day weekend. I knew it was September, because I got my other cat “early” – before October – because I knew this was the cat that would fit into my life now.
One day, I’ll be more official about marking it, when I’ve got things set up for remembrance in my library.
I’m writing here mostly to say…I guess I do not support moving on, if moving on means not marking the days.
I believe you should go about your life, and live with enjoyment after loved ones have gone, because that is what they would want, but also because of just how short this life is. I encourage happiness and contentment in this life, as far as possible, and I think a part of having that is to mark the days.
The end of Shang-Chi, that’s not too spoilery, was setting up floating lanterns and sending them off in memory of those who passed, and in remembrance that they are still “with them”. In the movie, it is more of a literal sense, but it can be taken metaphorically, as well.
When a person is gone, their lessons, their memories, and much else, are not gone.
Their influence still pulls forward.
Unfortunately, they do have to be let go, and that is another point Shang-Chi makes, as one of the driving plot points is that someone who died, is believed to be alive – and they go to try and rescue this person. As I’ve already implied, that’s not the case. This person is not alive, there is no one to bring back, but they are so driven by grief and hope that they are willing to believe it and forsake the life around them, and those who are alive, for the sake of one who is long gone.
Don’t think you have to “move on” and push someone out of your thoughts, your life, your day, because they are dead.
We don’t push books and movies out of our lives because they are finished.
Bring people fondly forward.
