BRICKYL WEEK DAY THREE: mamihlapinatapei - a meaningful, wordless look shared between people who want to initiate something, but are scared to make the first move
Lighting a fire was a necessary risk. There was no shelter to make their camp and the season was far enough along that nights were getting cold. It went without saying that with the extra light to draw attention, they would have to stay extra quiet so as not to draw more.
The atmosphere among the group was subdued; they were simply too exhausted to celebrate. The exchange at Grady Memorial had been a close call, too close, and the relief everyone should have felt at being reunited for the first time since the prison fell was eclipsed by their flight from Atlanta.
Rick made a final circuit around the camp, making sure they were as safe as possible. Abraham and Rosita were on the first watch, and Sasha and Tyreese would relieve them in a few hours. Alarms and weapons were ready. There was nothing to do but wait out the night.
Nearly everyone was still awake. Carl, Michonne, and Father Gabriel sat nearby, Carl holding Judith in his lap--couldn't leave out that part of the day's adventure, the four of them nearly overrun in the priest's church before Glenn, Maggie, Tara, Rosita, Abraham and Eugene showed up. The full impact of Eugene's deception hadn't had the chance to sink in yet, and Rick wasn't looking forward to when it did. Sasha and Tyreese were a little more removed than the rest; she had taken Bob's death so hard, Rick didn't know what she would have done if not for her brother. Carol was still on the mend after being hit by a car, and from the sound of things it had nearly killed her. Noah...Rick had a feeling Noah was barely keeping himself together after his entire ordeal, but he seemed to be a smart, capable young man and would recover in time.
Which left only two people in his family...
Rick's mind went back to the morning after the confrontation with Joe and his people, when Daryl was finally back among them. He'd escaped the prison with Beth, and he'd lost her, and everything in his behavior, his voice, his eyes, betrayed everything Rick had only been able to guess at for months. Daryl was in love with Beth, and her absence was killing him as much as his failure to keep her safe. Assurances they would find her seemed hollow, especially after everything Daryl went through looking for Sophia, but Rick did the best he could while despair and hope battled for victory within him. Beth was gone...but she was still alive.
Still alive, he reminded himself after Terminus, when they were once again drifting like so many leaves in the wind. It rang truer when Daryl brought back his story about a hospital in Atlanta...she's still alive. They'd found her, and they were getting her back if they had to take the place down to do it. And then at the very last minute, when they'd exchanged Beth and Carol for those two cops and Dawn had tried to take Noah back...
That was a moment he'd be reliving in his nightmares, seeing those scissors in Beth's hand and that gun in Dawn's, and if it hadn't been for Daryl being faster on the draw...
He glanced at her, sitting with Daryl and looking exhausted, but very much alive. Still alive.
Nobody knew how he felt about her, how his feelings toward her had changed starting at the prison leading up to now. Least of all Beth herself. He wasn't even sure if Daryl knew. He had almost said something that morning after they found him but held back, knowing it wouldn't have made Daryl feel any better about losing her to know her loss affected him as well. And while he hardly considered them rivals for her affection, largely because neither of them knew what she felt for either of them, he was starting to get some idea watching her with Daryl.
He supposed he shouldn't have been that surprised, seeing as they'd fled the prison together and relied on each other to survive. Of course they would have grown closer. Rick knew Daryl had been infatuated with her for awhile, and by the way she'd stayed by him like a second shadow since leaving the hospital, it was safe to assume she was just as attached as he was. Rick shouldn't have been surprised, but he couldn't stop the way his heart sank as he watched them. She was pressed against his side and his arm was wrapped around her, but there was no missing the bond running between them, no getting in the middle, no dividing them from each other again.
He walked to them, deciding to keep his feelings to himself and stay out of their way, choosing to be thankful they had all survived and found each other again. If that was all he could have, it was more than he could ask for. Neither of them looked up at his approach and it was a moment before he had their attention. "You should try and rest," he told them. "We'll head north in the morning. Abraham thinks we should try for Washington anyway, and maybe he's right."
Daryl nodded wordlessly, pulling Beth tighter into his arms and staring into the fire, and Rick knew he was just trying to process everything that had happened that day. Beth lifted her head from Daryl's shoulder and looked up at Rick, the light caught in her eyes until they shone almost as bright. "Thank you," she said, "for coming back for me."
"It was all Daryl," Rick told her. "He just wouldn't give up."
"You don't give up, either."
This time, I do. He looked away for a moment, trying to put those thoughts aside and do what was right. It was her and Daryl, and he needed to accept it and move on. When he met her eyes again, she was watching him intently, as if waiting for him to say something.
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her so badly, but what good would it do? It wasn't fair to any of them to put that out there...but she didn't look like she wanted him to say something anymore, more like she was thinking about saying something herself. She seemed to hover for a moment, then reached up and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Sit down, Rick." Daryl's voice was almost too soft to hear, but when Rick turned his eyes to him instead, he gave him a small nod of affirmation. There was a gleam in his eyes that almost told Rick everything; he knew what was going on in Rick's head, knew exactly what he wasn't saying, and seemed to tell him it didn't change anything. Rick didn't know what pulled his gaze back to Beth, but she seemed to be looking at him with a question, still holding onto his hand.
He was too tired to think and didn't feel like second-guessing. He sat on the ground beside her and she laced her fingers through his, leaning her head against Daryl's shoulder again. He had a million and one questions racing through his head, but he looked over at his two companions and felt content to wait for answers. There was no telling how much time any of them had left in this life, but at least they had something to look forward to.
