RUNPEE IS THE BEST APP SINCE SLICED BREAD
I don't often describe something as the greatest thing since sliced bread, but that's mainly because I don't think sliced bread is all that great.
Seriously.
Take your bare hands a rip apart a loaf of bread sometime, then jam some meat stuffs in there, and eat it. That's how the Earl of Sandwich would have done it, no damn slicing involved. He saved his slicing for his role as Goddamn Lord High Admiral of England, Ferocious Fighter at the Battle of Lowestoff, AND Mother Fucking Master of the Great Wardrobe! All of which he must have been terrible at because he's only remembered for liking his meat thrust betwixt ends of bread.
The dude never even realized the joy of condiments. That being said, RunPee is an app that let's you know when it's safe to go to the bathroom or the concession stand when you're at the movies. Before this revolutionary app, the only way to do this was to ask your friend Brian to tell you what happened, but he never remembers anyone's name so it turns into a game of verbal charades.
"You know the girl with the boobs from the coffee shop? Turns out the guy with the weird teeth was working with her to set up the dude with the weird hairline."
Shit like that is why I stopped going to the movies with Brian. He also slept with my sister and never called her back. He also killed my goldfish, when I was on vacation because he never fed it. He's also a young Earth Creationist and still blames the Jews for Jesus' death.
