#brianmalik

brianmalik

omg probably or insider trading or sugar daddy or something i need to make this happen

I don't know if I'm stronger or if the situation is different or what but you being done with me hurts less this time. I still have Mel, Myv, Tari and Brian and I know they still love me. I have Hannah and Olivia and Kayla and Alex and I know they still love me. Yes, losing one of my best friends of 7+ years hurts like a stab to the gut. But I'm not going to go to the dark place I went to when this happened last year because I still am loved. If not by you, I can learn to accept that and move on. Even if I never really get any closure or learn what this is about, I will be okay.

No  but really, things are finally (knock on wood) starting to get better in my life and it makes me really happy. I've actually been getting along with my family, Hannah and I are talking a lot more, I have a freaking theater audition at Worlds Of Fun tomorrow which means if I get it I WILL GET PAID TO DO MY PASSION AND MY FAVORITE THING and idk I'm really super excited for that, and I'm talking to this great guy who is just super sweet and everything that I wished for when I was little and even if it never works out with him (although I really hope it does) it's shown me that there are guys out there who act like they should and I dunno. I don't miss Michael anymore. I really honestly don't. I used to miss him sometimes, when I'd think of all the good times we had back in September/October before he started drinking and turned into an asshat but those are just ... memories. I don't miss him even from then because even then he made me feel like shit about myself and everything that I was and that's not right, it's just not. I've spent years feeling like that's all I deserve is to be treated that way but I've finally come to the realization that I DESERVE BETTER. And you know what? I deserve to be happy. And I am happy. Nostalgia still hits me hard every once in a while, but all those who left me in the past year, when I was in my darkest times, they did it for reasons. I'm not angry or bitter at them, who knows, in their position I might've done the same thing (probably not but w/e). The people who have always been there for me are the ones who are still there for me now and they're the reason I'm finally okay. And I am. 

i fought the urge for so long and then i finally gave in and i regret it a lot/don't regret it at all

season 1 episode 6 but this is my third time rewatching the series i am no amateur