#breakupsaga

Here's what to do if your boyfriend and his ex are still friends

day 1: when you told me over the phone, i was at a house party. i started to suffocate on the sound of conversation, and i couldn’t cry because i didn’t remember how. i blacked out drunk several hours later, and woke up cold. i never needed a warm breakfast so badly.

day 2: i found out i would be moving across the country to Chicago in two months and i struggled through the day without shedding a tear. the loss of you was combated by opportunity and a new future. i would not have said yes if we were still together. fate is weird. i felt hollow.

day 3: i still haven’t gotten out of bed because my ears feel waterlogged, like someone shoved plugs in them to keep my brain from leaking out like soup. i’m not hungry anymore. i told you about the trip and you wanted to take me back; i said no. i can feel pain welling up inside me but i am unable to cry. i can’t. i tried. sorry.

day 5: i told myself i wouldn’t forget about this. yesterday i didn’t even blink you into existence. i had sex with a stranger and it was exceptional. my body still feels warm. appreciated. longed for. i wore his underwear home and gave him a pair of yours in exchange. out with the old, in with the new.

day 7: a complete stranger gave me two tickets to an Amanda Palmer concert because she couldn’t go anymore. i thought about inviting you for a second. i invited my cousin. the world is taking turns showing me kindness and harsh reality in sharp rotations and i’m overwhelmed with a passionate confusion. i’ve hardly put down my ukulele since we split. i only tell people we “split”. i still can’t tell them you broke up with me. not yet.

day 8: i chewed through an entire 1 lb. chocolate easter bunny. still no tears.