#breakingupishard

It is finally spring, and with a new season comes new relationships. Are you trying to figure out how to get over your winter cuddle buddy so that you can move on to your spring fling?

Well here are some of the top 30 break-up songs to help you through this difficult time. Nava Silton, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Marymount Manhattan College, said "Music influences the brain and our mood states in a variety of ways. Different musical tunes and notes can elicit feelings of nostalgia, of elation, sadness, optimism, etc. The brain on music is a stimulated and perhaps a forever-changed brain."  Your brain and heart need time to heal, and music can help you move on.

Even Radio stations switch up their music in new seasons, Peter Silva a radio DJ for 94 HJY said “I work on a station with an AOR format. We don't vary much seasonally. Other formats do, however.” Radio stations have different formats, and they play music for the time, ever wonder why the winter seems to have all breakup songs and the summer tunes are bubbly with a sick dance beat? The radio stations know what you need in your music.          So go and listen to these songs, change your brain and get ready to move on!

1.Lips are Movin’ by Meaghan Trainer

If your other half cheated on you, this is the song to listen to. With the fast-talking lyrics you can call him out on his lying behavior.

2.      Borderline by Madonna

Madonna will always be a Queen, and if this boy is like a revolving door and taking you to the edge and back, it is time to exit the door girl!

3.      You don’t own me by Lesley Gore

Controling ex? Lesley know all about those guys, so croon along with her and sing out “You don’t own me!”

4.      You Oughta know by Alanis Morissette

No one does angst like Alanis, if this list is not enough then go listen to her album and you will be fine. So go wail on this one and feel the angst.

5.      Un-Break my heart by Toni Braxton

6.      Set Me free by The Supremes

Tell him to get out of your life; the Supremes understand how frustrating men can be!

7.      You’re so vain by Carly Simon

If you want to get drunk and do a karaoke song about your ex, this one is perfect.

8.      If I could Turn back Time by Cher

Feeling regretful about what you did to cause the breakup? Well Cher understands.

9.      It’s too late by Carol King

What to get back together? Feeling like a fool? Carol can relate, but it is ok to understand that sometimes it is just to late to save a relationship.

10.  Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones

Feeling depressed after your break up? Asking your self why the world is so happy? Then you and Mick have a lot to sing about in this song.

11.  Smoke get’s in your eyes by The Platters

It’s ok to cry it out after a break, and if anyone asks, just tell them; Smoke got in my eyes.

12.  Take it all by Adele

Hit those high notes with Adele knowing that after her break up she wrote an album and won a Grammy, you can come back too!

13.  It’s Over by Roy Orbison

It’s over, simple as that.

14.  Walk on by Dionne Warwick

While creating this list I was introduced to some new songs, this has got to be one of the saddest songs I have ever heard. Listen to this when you have time to fix your make up after.

15. You’ve lost that loving Feeling By The Righteous Brothers

Sometimes you just need to listen to two gorgeous men sing to you and cry.

16. My Heart was set on You by Sutton Foster

           Did you think he was perfect for you? Well you weren’t the only one.

17. Don’t think Twice, It’s all right by Bob Dylan

18 Total Eclipse of the Heart By Bonnie Tyler

           Felt like you were falling in love, only to find that you were actually just falling? Bonnie knows that feeling too, so turn around bright eyes and pay attention to what she has to say.

19. Take another little piece of my heart by Janis Joplin

Janis can wail like no one! Feel like he took your heart? Well cry out in pain while singing this number

20. I want to come over by Melissa Etheridge

           And now to the stalking side of a break up, just do not actually go to their house.

21. Blow Me (one last Kiss) by P!nk

P!nk is perfect, and he can blow you one last kiss while you walk out that door.

22. Go Now by Moody Blues

23. It Ain’t me Babe by The Turtles

24. Trouble By Taylor Swift

           T-Swift always knows what we are feeling.

25. It’s Not Right But it’s Ok by Whitney Huston

           Personally I would listen to the Darren Criss’s version. But Whitney is amazing. (FYI you’re gonna make it any way)

26. Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

Go your own way girl! Walk away.

27. These Foolish Things by Bryan Ferry

28. Red Rubber Ball by The Cyrkle

           This was just too silly not to include.

29. Since You Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

           You are free now, so go out in the spring air and take a deep breath!

30. Single Ladies by Beyoncé

So you found someone who you thought was the ideal person to be with, say, the rest of your life, maybe? Great! That's wonderful. Isn't it wonderful to feel that deep love for something or someone?

Everything seemed perfect - dates, hang outs, getting to know a little about each other... getting to know a lot about each other. First fight... second... third... Several disagreements later - all those tears, laughter, and secrets you've shared. All the time spent and places gone. Those memories...

And then of course one of you had to let go. It could be for any reason - maybe one of you wasn't ready for a commitment, or that one of you didn't feel like the other person was on the same page. You've each grown differently - and moved to different directions and gained different outlooks in life. 

It could be harder to fathom now how things have gotten this way - how you've grown apart from each other. This does not necessarily mean that you absolutely despise each other, depending on the situation, of course. If one cheated or betrayed the other, then that's a whole different level of comforting, contemplation, understanding, and coming to terms with the situation. Forgiveness is best after you have assessed the situation and have accepted that this experience is not what should dictate what would happen to the rest of your life. 

It takes time, great support, good judgment, a decently high self-esteem to get through a break up. It takes a lot of contemplating - you will be using your brain and heart a lot, maybe to a point of exhaustion. Thinking and crying are no different from sprinting or lifting, yeah you won't get the muscles as rewards - but you will feel a whole heck of a lot better. Let your emotions go. Everyone goes through it, even the seemingly happy ones. Actually, even the genuinely happy ones have gone or are going through rough patches! Heck, I bet some of Walt Disney's ideas came from going through several heartbreaks, and look at the wonderful creation that it is... it's beautiful, wonderful, and full of magic and unrealistic characters with unrealistic happy endings, but it still is timeless. Just make sure you don't forget to eat and rest - it's always good to have a little variety in your day, it will make you feel better without the hysteria and overthinking.

Going through a break-up is akin to athletic training. Instead of training to be physically stronger and more fit, you're training to be emotionally stronger, wiser, and more ready for the next phase in life. Bigger and better things await, but you just don't know it yet. And that will take time. 

Whatever reason for this break-up, it has to be for the best. It could be that you just need more time or space from each other. It could be that you need to find yourselves. It could be that you're just not right for each other, meaning you're not helping the other out to become a better person, and that's okay - different personalities tend to clash, and the inability to grow is unhealthy especially in the long run. Would you rather feel the hurt now and deal with it in a shorter period of time and enjoy the rest of life after? Or would you want to have life slowly sucked out of you until you feel empty and dead inside for the rest of your life? I know... a little harsh, yeah? I apologize.

Here are some things I found helpful during this bumpy time (note that this list is only through my experience and only deals with relationship problems - I am very aware that situations may vary and that I am missing a lot of greater ideas):

1. Cry - cry as hard as you can, be as ugly and disheveled as you can possibly be (I say that very loosely, but no offense meant - everyone is beautiful in their own way). Allow yourself to have really bad fashion taste - wear a robe all day, wear shirts that are three times bigger than you, it's just going to get tear-stained anyway. And, yes, being a B with an itch is allowed during this period (proceed with caution and know your limits).

2. Allow yourself to have some space - this goes with #1. You wouldn't want to make a scene in public (unless that's your thing, of course). I mean, yeah you can make yourself look the ugliest, but I'm pretty sure majority of people would like to do that in the comfort of an enclosed space. 

3. Make yourself comfortable - eat ice cream or your favorite comfort food, drink wine or beer with a friend or by yourself, indulge on shopping or whatever, surround yourself with the best people you can think of, watch your favorite show - make it a marathon event! Be naked (maybe that's, again, your thing). 

4. Talk it out - get your thoughts across, find someone who will take the time to just listen: a close friend, your mom, your dad, a sibling, a cab driver, your dog, maybe even a wall, a bartender, a stranger you just happen to see lurking behind the bushes - just anyone! (okay, the last one was a joke! if you see any suspicious activity, please call security or better yet- 911) Just make sure you get your thoughts out. This may help you figure things. Maybe you don't listen to yourself enough. 

5. Pray/Contemplate - whatever your beliefs are, whether you practice your faith or not, it always helps to just breathe and meditate a little bit. Yoga or working out can be a form of contemplation, if you're not one who can sit still. Besides, everyone has feelings and emotions - and that is what is beautiful about being human. 

6. Be as "yourself" as you can possibly be - unfortunately, the world will keep on moving regardless, you'll just have to keep going - go to work or school with your head held as high as you can manage. I mean, if you feel like you want to party, go for it. If you think you want to change and become someone different for a day, try it. Do whatever will keep you sane - just don't do anything illegal, I will not be responsible for it. If you have a hobby such as knitting - make scarves. Don't feel like making scarves? Okay, then, surf the internet for ridiculous stuff. Play video games. Clean your house. Do laundry. Study for a test (hey, if that makes you feel better, good for you!). Ace that exam. Be wonderful, or as close to it as possible. Or, you can always be like me and blog about it - ;)

No matter what the reasons are, remember that there will always be that light at the end of the dark tunnel and it is your choice to see it. If you think that you have to make changes in your life, go for it, but make sure that these are your choices - not somebody else's. You don't want to be someone who doesn't accept and respect you - and you shouldn't be with that someone! You want someone who believes in you and who will be there for you - may it be at your best or at your worst.

Don't let this obstacle hinder you from loving again. You are a great boyfriend. You are a great girlfriend. You are a great spouse. Every person has gone through hurt, some more than others. And, I'm pretty sure majority of these people have loved the most, hurt the most, and yet have kept on loving, maybe even more deeply than before. 

You may not see it now - but this is a good thing. It will all be worth it. This journey will be worth it, you'll see. So, good luck on that ride. Safe travels. Whether or not it is going to be a long ride for you, we all want to see you happy again. Maybe it's that smile of yours - it's just absolutely captivating :)