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So my stupid loser adventure puts my account sixteen dollars into the negative, fuck... of course, my dad got me another car tonight... like i really deserve it... I have to fill up my day with fucking self help groups and treatment no matter how lame it seems, wasting peopleâs kindness and hard earned money through my addiction is even lamer.
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how did I let it get this far out of control
I want so badly to be the person you desire most and need most. I try so hard to give you everything you could want because I know there's no one that wants to go to bed with you each night as badly as I do. but it's never enough. I'm never enough. I almost wish I never even got involved with you because we can never be.
The very first moment I laid eyes on you, I think you had me. And I think you knew. How could you possible not know. That my floor was shaking under my feet. It was. You made it move. You colored my life again. And when you came after me and kissed me, I just knew somewhere deep inside me, my life would forever be touched and changed by you. It has. I have had the most amazing, incredible, beautiful moments of my life with you. You and your team became my new family, and never for one second did I really plan to leave. Not them, but most of all, not you. Every day I spent with you only makes me crave more of you. All I wanted for days was to be closer. It hurts to be close and not to touch you, and I wanted to spend every waking moment with you and every sleeping moment in your arms. So many times now, I wanted to tell you all the ways you make me feel, but I wanted to hear you say it first. My pride is gone now. I have no room for it, and I don't want to regret not telling you. I love you, Remy. With all of my heart. You are the most beautifully complicated, gentle fighter I've ever known. You have made me deliriously happy. You challenge me and delight me, and make me feel like a kid inside, with all the amazing things to look forward to, just because I was looking at the future and thinking of sharing it all with you. I've never felt so safe as when I am with you, and I want you to know I am completely in love with every part of you, even the one that just broke my heart. But I can't stay anymore, Remy. I can't watch you hurt yourself, because when you do, you're hurting me in ways I never thought anybody could hurt me, and I'm afraid of breaking and never being right again. Please never, ever, let anyone hurt you like this. You are the fighter everyone wants to be, and this is why everyone in the world loves you. Even when you screw up, you get back up fighting again.
Katy Evans, Real
âŚ.
"Mom?" Dean whispers.
Mary smiles, âHey Dean.â
Dean feels as if he is frozen but he isnât heâs walking towards her. He stops just shy of her only a foot away. He clenches and unclenches his hands. Before he can make another move she gently cups his cheek and pulls him into a hug. A chocked noise fills the room in the silence. Deanâs eyes travel towards the noise.
Sam is on his knees on the floor, sobbing into his hands. Dean freezes taking in the image of Sam sobbing brokenly on the floor. He remembers the last time he saw Sam cry when he drug him out of that church. But this was different. Last time his tears were nearly silent and he passed out shortly afterword. This time Samâs cries were loud in the silent room although he was doing his best to smother them with his hands.
Out of the corner of his eye Dean sees Cas take a hesitant step towards Sam but before he makes it to him Mary is there. She engulfs Sam in a tight hug.
"Itâs okay Sammy, everything is okay."
Dean feels something wet on his face and realizes that he too is crying. He walks over kneels down and puts his arms around his family. Burying his face in his motherâs shoulder so that Sammy doesnât see his tears.
They stay like that for a while, the only sounds in the room coming from Samâs quite sobs. Dean sees movement out of the corner of his eye and turns to look. He ends up staring into Castielâs eyes. His hand is on the doorknob a particular expression on his face. Dean doesnât want him to leave. He opens his mouth but someone speaks first.
"Oh no you donât Cas. Get your butt over here." Maryâs voice is accusatory.
Castielâs eyes widen and he hesitates looking down at the door. He looks up and meets Deans gaze and hesitantly starts walking over. When he gets close Mary grabs his wrist and drags him down to the floor next to her and Sam. She puts an arm around his shoulders and squeezes.
"You think youâre not a part of this Cas? You think I donât know what youâve been doing for my boys?"
Cas looks surprised but slowly he lifts his arms so that he is included in the hug.
When Castielâs eyes meet Dean's again, Dean is smiling. Itâs not a large wide smile but rather a small smile there to show Cas that he is wanted there.
-
I wrote this fic because of this post-> http://crazylele1.tumblr.com/post/93957315695/wayward-rising-demon so go check it out.
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