#bread jesus

He's a rustic Asiago loaf

Going in for the proof

He is Risen.

Looking a bit like Buff Santa. Trusting the process.

Trusting. The. Process.

Fresh from the oven

Ready to share!

This came out a lot better than it had any right to. He received rave reviews from family members of all ages.

Bonus:

He was delicious. (Just used a basic french bread recipe)

(I meant to post this yesterday but it ended up sitting in my drafts oops)

he began life as a basic Italian bread dough, and proofed for somewhere between two and two and a half hours while my housemates and I watched Dracula (the original Bela Lugosi version)

he got shaped into a loaf and left alone while I told my housemates the tale of the Easter Mass incident (by way of explanation as to why I was doing this in the first place)

puffed, egg washed, and ready to go in the oven

he also got top surgery scars because I believe in trans Jesus supremacy, and then he was baked at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for 28 minutes

he is risen, alleluia

(and also some of the best bread I have made to date)

(he is quite tasty and developed a very nice crust thanks to the egg wash)

SCP-3305 - SCP Foundation

It's a pretty wild read lol

i just realized this was in relation to one of my reblogs but i was half-asleep when i first got this ask so i was utterly confused on what this ask meant until I remembered, which is why this ask was sitting in the ask box for 10 DAYS 😭 sorry minti im a dumbass lmao

anyway you were right because OH MY GOD??? (<- joke not intended)

disclaimer: I don't know anything about SCPs soooo

what do you mean all attempts have failed? what have you all been doing?? how many times did you try???

I'm really starting to understand where the nickname "bread jesus" comes from

the restorative properties?? that's genuinely amazing???

is this technically cannibalism??? cause like. It's a Person (adjacent to Jesus) made of bread + wine giving parts of itself for people to eat but it is still a piece of bread

bread WORSHIP?? guys the piece of bread was toasted for our sins

ok so they don't remember eating or drinking the scp but they still worship it and believe it exists and the scp has to be terminated for amnesiacs to work... theoretically this scp could be really good for healing but unfortunately everyone would then be a part of a bread jesus cult

COVER A VIRGIN IN DOUGH AND BURN IT TO MAKE BREAD JESUS. YEAH. YEAH OK. ALRIGHT MAN.

"It is unknown what happens to the virgin, as all testing indicates SCP-3305-1 is made entirely of bread and wine." is the virgin burnt to a crisp?? where did they go?? does the scp formed have the memories of the virgin or is a new thing completely ?? have we made the virgin into bread and wine

this is so goddamn specific it makes me wonder like what if you were to accidentally have an extra liter of wine or something. would you just make a really drunk bread jesus. or like what if you ignited two virgins in one pile of dough. double bread jesus?!?!?

waaait is this scp just actually the real jesus in bread form???

"The Great Bakery" sobbing 😭

"SCP-3305-1: No, no. I’m just a humble butter knife, spreading the words of The Baker." goddamn it it can make puns too

it feels pain but does it ANYWAY???

"I have suffered for the masses in other terrible ways." i was joking earlier but did they for real toast bread jesus

"Dr. Teller: Are you aware of the actions of a group called “The Westing Church of Wonderbread”? They were responsible for an attack on a bakery in town for selling, and I quote, “Whole Grain, the heathen’s bread”. " bread brand fights?? is this canon to the universe I have no clue

"SCP-3305-1: Not directly, but I should have. I do not condone their message. Wonderbread is terribly bland. I much prefer Pepperidge Farm." LMAO?? they have to fight for better bread smh

this was so much fun to read through I've decided I really like bread jesus / SCP-3305

Here's a video that should appeal to both crowds: The Story of Bread Jesus.