Little Walken's Mind Dump

The first amendment protects you against the government, not the Little Walken.

My blog, my bean soup recipe within the TOS.

Don't be the reason we can't have nice things.

Advisor for snoot guardianship.

Still writing, going well. It's pretty much making a next draft from a previous draft which involves tightening up the prose, expanding on ideas, and adding new ones where they fit. About half way thru the previous version but I'm entering in to the section that needed more added to it.

Good thing I'm doing it now because with a new Spider-Man movie out eventually I'm probably going to catch Spider-Man again. This time all that's between me and a solid draft of the CYOA is the sitting down and fleshing it out. I have the basic timeline figured out and the goal should be sending the reader to the slightly more original story lines I have planned.

As for real daily life, I thought we might have been getting somewhere but instead of hearing the context of what I am saying the semantics police have to be on top of my use of a particular word when they know part of my brain injury involves language.

For some reason the world will fucking end because I said "shit themselves" instead of "soil themselves" and for the umpteenth time what I mean by "bathtub scrubber" is one of those electric tile and tub scrubbing brushes not the cleaning solution. Cut away to constantly having to put a spray can of bathroom cleaner back in the cleaning supplies cabinet because someone can't seem to get I have the exact same shit in a trigger bottle because spray cans aren't easy for me to use.

So yeah, a lot of stuff ends up in the blog because literally no one listens to me in real life.

And in the very rare chance I was getting somewhere with therapy I had to tell them I will make a hand gesture or literally say I was finished because I had to get some stuff out without being interrupted.

That's nice, Little Walken, but someone else is acting out and being louder and doing things to get my attention so we'll just have to never get back to you.

Here's the thing, in two weeks the only person I have that I can remotely depend on is going in for surgery and if they don't come out of it I'm going to have to hope that what ever it was between her and other family members can be behind us. If it's about the stupid rings they can have them, but after they help me, otherwise they'll take them and run, I still wouldn't completely trust that branch of the family, or hope there's some program I don't yet know about and the kindness of strangers will come thru.

And the other thing lingering over me is the moment I set up the dollhouse and adjacent displays of trinkets and clutter something will happen that I'll have to take them down again, like another iKea shelf coming in, or who knows what. That can be worked on by putting the trinket displays together anyway but the feelings are still there.

The autism was strong yesterday but I still went out and did all the planned adulting and just because I didn't want to buy a store brand freezer chest as opposed to a brand I recognize and trust to make appliances it just...

Writing goes well. I want to do other things that I need to be home to do but I'm also in a situation where I shouldn't strain some muscles for a few days. Stupid meat suit.

Slept okay but also why does my brain just decide that it's unpleasant memories and intrusive thoughts loop time out of nowhere in the middle of the night? That's where I'd like to have some more cognitive therapy. It's 2026, not 1986. Hell, the only thing that happened yesterday with any major impact on the future is paying your water bill.

You even found time to read some of the short stories you put aside for your potential DIY bathroom book. One you didn't finish because it was awful, aside form the title and blurb being misleading, and the other started off interesting but needs a few more days for you to decide perhaps because the ending went all misogynistic and did it really have to go there?

Today's plans are more writing and getting to some things I need to be home to do instead of going out and running errands.

Unpleasant thing but I need to document it for my sanity because no matter how well things go around here gaslighting still appears to be a family pastime. Eldest daughters will never escape the shadow of the Golden Child, even when they're dead.

First off I need to pay more attention to what past Little Walken did and remember if she doesn't use some things it's because there's a good reason and she spent an adequate amount of time trying to make it work.

I took a writing break, that is going quite well, to try a crochet pattern for a doll that I had bought off Etsy. Not going to say which pattern, if it's still even for sale, because the person was well meaning and did what I take to be the best of their abilities.

What I remember is the torso was twisted, butt cheeks this way, boobs that way, so I thought reversing the direction of the rounds at the waist would remedy that. Which it would if the butt cheeks and hip decrease also lined up. So outside of charting out the pattern and doing quite a bit of work, which it looks like I did for the boy doll already, it's not that useable of a pattern, and I have the other Barbie sized doll so this one wouldn't bring anything new to the sewing table.

So that's done. When I want to crochet again I think I'll make the boy or I might try what looks like a pattern I made to be another guy, maybe the difference between beefy Malibu Ken and the more trim one, but we'll see when its made up. And I have the other idea to do when I get there.

I'll just say if you can make knit patterns and get the stitch gage thing you can probably make a crochet pattern.

And if any long time listeners do know how to crochet I might some day ask you to test a pattern to see if it works.

Now for stuff I need to get out of my system-

Getting closer and closer to mom having to go in for surgery to get a skin cancer thing taken off her leg and hoping the neighbor will be able to do the driving for us since we currently don't have anyone else who can drive.

something something Your actions have consequences for other people too something something don't know what she'd do if I was elsewhere and she was stuck with the Life Ruiner something something What ever those two did to fuck up things with our geographically closest relatives something something Lumping me in to it will only cause me to remember how y'all treated me when it comes to making out my will time something something

And the thing is my aunt is retired and if she came to visit between dropping mom off and picking her up I could show my aunt where a couple of interesting junk stores are. We didn't care for the latest one we were at but I think my aunt would like it. It's like come out the day before, go to the big store, next morning drop mom off, go to the store I was saying, pick mom up and bring her home, I can tell her where a few more are on the way out.

I know I could be making friends too but the shortest answer right now is after an earnest and blending in with the humans quite well attempt at the crafting club I don't know what happened. When we could actually hear each other that one day the pack of cackling at the top of their lungs hens weren't there I thought we did well on the conversation end. And the neighbor that had a good start and looks good on paper is more in line with the kind of people that... And she doesn't drive.

Also I'll never know how much of it is because I'm just gonna flat out say it, I was barely to never socialized as a child. Thankfully it was way before the internet, and if there was internet we either wouldn't have any way of getting on it or the Life Ruiner would hog it which she did when we did get it, so all my bullying was analog.

Writing went well. The day went well. We realized that in our quest not to use the oven too much during the heat, especially for dinner, that boneless chicken is now easily within our budget.

When you spend most of your life looking for the cheapest cuts of meat, usually bone in, paying twice as much for boneless isn't within your budget. Even when we got down to both people in the household having income and paying their fair share of bills there was still the constant car repairs.

In reality as we continued to live as we pretty much always had when we got back home so we could pay down our credit card bills from that fucked up summer we also discovered that our line of credit was being raised so one of the considerations with that was going to be a still used but "better" used car. Fortunately our fortunes in the car department suddenly changed and we have the blessing of the absolute nicest vehicle I will ever own in my life I swear.

Point being if you pay more than the minimum on your credit cards and pay regularly the credit company might be inclined to give you a bigger limit BUT that should only be spent on an emergency or something like a well running car.

Just know if any family members ask me WTF went on with our branch I am definitely going to let them know the Life Ruiner being a part of it had to be at least 50% of it. Before meeting her father and his family and all the shit surrounding her being brought in to this world we were okay. Within a couple years of her being out of our house we recovered.

A big part of the other half had to be never quite being able to catch a break with our cars and like many of the other people in life she still kind of attracts the driver's choice of a cheap mechanic in one way or another... Which is why outside of something like an oil change my blessing has gone to a dealer. And if the last time had been what the code gun said it would have been free because it was still under warranty.

Seriously tho check to see if the gas cap is on tight. Especially if you're a woman and "don't know anything about cars". If nothing feels different about the car, nothing is leaking, nothing is smoking, nothing is shaking, nothing is making a strange noise, take the gas cap off and put it back on and make sure it's tight like a jar. That's been the cause of most of our generic check engine light things. Then come the tire sensors we've never had.

Not crocheting today. Anyone who does knows there's times when you can sneak an increase or decrease in here and there to fidge something. Looking at the stuffed doll I was trying to make obviously something happened with her head, and her torso, and a few other places, and the neck felt too long.

As I said I successfully made that exact pattern before and was able to adjust one I bought on line to untwist that torso, along with being struck with the thought of the next time I try it see if shifting one stitch forward in the chart and putting the first stitch of any given row on the end of the previous one. I also charted a guy of my own which I was going to make up this session. And in the midst of it all I was struck by a terrifyingly brilliant idea for more crochet dolls.

But for some reason crochet just isn't going to happen right now. Or maybe it's just thread crochet as I was also thinking of getting some cotton yarn and making up a larger gage version of miss dolly and a male accessory.

So instead I frogged all of her, so I could start again from the very beginning and try again to make the count right, and decided to try writing.

Not try writing, do another draft of the boy band story adding in things that have worked themselves out since the previous draft. Then I'm going to take the wire and covers from that notebook and put the plastic paper in them. Unless I find at the time the pitch of the plastic paper isn't the same, but it should be.

Thoughts are only on the boy band story. In a notebook. In cursive. Written in pen. Apps can't crash and devices can't run out of battery if they're paper and ball point pen. And ball point pens love to travel with friends.

You're not the first person at my old job to complain that I would never share my pen. Shared pens never come back. I know they're the cheapest ones Bic/Papermate make but they're mine that I paid for and I knew this job could always spring surprise paperwork on me so I always had a pen for me. ~stuff I typed to get out of my system then erased because it didn't need to stay~ I never lend out anything I expect to see again because of how I was treated growing up.

Just know that Little Walken has deep rooted hang ups about sharing, especially things that are important to her.

~sobs in crochet~

I've made one of these before. All I want to do is make a friend for her.

After frogging the doll all the way back to the neck and counting the stitches again and adjusting and doing the shoulders for the elebentyith time and still having to frog a couple rows of boobs for the umpteenth time I am finally at the waist and can start to stuff the crochet doll. Her head may or may not be looking directly forward but as long as it's in a natural and comfortable position, she's not an owl, that will do. And the boobs are on the front.

My optic nerves playing literal tricks, like looking at a piece of text, thinking it says one thing, but going back and finding out it says something different, doesn't help. There's one of the not cute and fun side effects unless you're using it to try and get away with being an asshole.

Rest assured I absolutely positively don't drive and there are times I'm not even secure with a shopping cart, especially around crotch goblins, and will literally inch by to insure I crash in to them and run them over.

You will notice that many times when I get an official piece of paper or notification I will write a summary or what the paper is about, and if it's due at a certain time, on the top. I might even put a mark by the important part.

With my writing, especially the handwritten stuff, I'll put the story's title or part or at least initials, and a page number. I can't remember if scattering Little Walken's papers was something that was allowed to happen but it was obviously enough of a concern to pick up that habit.

Part of me feels like I'm doing too much crochet altho at most I was only able to spend about half the day doing so as I was adulting and doing responsibilities as well. But there are times when you have to do parts and you have to get past a tricky row.

something something Wanted a spiral wire to bind the reusable notebook paper with to make one big one instead of several small ones something something How the hell is on the right size like $5 for most of the year but only $1 now something something But I didn't really look at the price as I went with a quality Mead one something something

Morally gray area because this is a 30 year old VHTF pattern? If you're going to make any of those fancy crochet calendar bed doll or paradise crochet dresses and worry about the fit then make one of these girls.

I've used size 10 crochet thread which comes in lovely skin tones and a hook for gage, but here's a hint- regular yarn and a bigger hook=bigger doll. Just use the same string and hook sizes to make her clothes.

Crochet dolly's face, neck, and shoulders are in the right place, now we'll work on her boobs being even and pointing in the right direction.

If any long time listeners crochet enough to know what a dc tog is LMK and I'll see about sharing a copy of the pattern just to make sure it isn't me, altho I think it pretty much is. Even with a stitch marker and row counter I still get mixed up. And I was able to fidge a pattern I bought off Etsy and design basic sweaters for my dolls.

This is why I say it feels like the brain injury feels like it gets worse at times.

Speaking of boobs we'll just say I'm glad I thought to look for the name of a movie via TV Tropes because there was no way I was going to be able to search for it by describing a scene without ick.

My provider and search engine and FBI agent who watch me know I'm a middle aged woman who writes a bit and occasionally looks up stuff that would fall under "statistically normal" I still don't need a Spiders Georg thing going on.

I'm putting it down to that time we came back from the begging of a 40 year struggle I didn't ask for and I was babysat by cable TV because while there's still another unnamed movie, note to self look up drinking a live goldfish, there's several doctor-hospital based movies from 1981-1982 that get mixed up a bit in my memory. Jeffrey Combs is in The Man WIth Two Brains, Young Doctors in Love has the tap dancing nurses, Critical Condition has Richard Pryor.

So yeah, you can't convince me the Mandela Effect is real in the sense of dimension shifting, if it keeps happening you should be checked for seizures in the temporal and/or parietal lobes of your brain, it's just how the electrified noggin pudding works.

First and foremost we should thank Mother Nature for literally raining on the orange president's parade in a reminder he is not all powerful. The thunderstorm is an angry and vengeful honey badger of a deity and should always be respected. When thunder roars go indoors, turn around don't drown.

And sometimes it's just knowing that they really do enforce the fireworks ban around here and the neighbors who throw their trash over your back fence, just throw it back, won't be aiming bottle rockets at your roof. Didn't even hear gunshots last night.

We're in extreme fire danger don't even fart in the forest or empty field, starting wildfires is the electric company's job country. But they keep the weeds down around here too. The local hawk sat watching the mower do its job, I know they ate well that day.

Mkay, took the bandaid off, the bruise is butterfly drawer handle shaped but not as bad as it could be so I'm kind of able to decide for myself when and what both arm activities I want to do. Antibiotic ointment and the right sized bandaid did the trick, altho the bandaid adhesive did irritate my skin.

Aside from my skimming of pulp magazines for interesting titles of stories to pull out for a DIY bathroom book, and deciding to just outright delete most of them, I got in to trying to crochet a doll again. This time the face and head work but I had to frog a couple rows of shoulder back to the base of the neck because the count was off.

I just might share the pattern for the crochet doll outright because it's getting harder to find. It's by Annie's Attic and is in a pamphlet as well as at least one of the larger books but check the contents to make sure. You can use crochet thread and she comes out twist and turn Barbie sized. Bump up to yarn and an appropriate hook for a larger friend.

something something Going to make a Paradise fancy dress to their gage specifications to prove a point something something last one I did the bodice for wouldn't fit a Barbie let a lone their Lady Paradise something something Made by Jakks Pacific were sold in stores around the turn of the century Josie and the Pussycats live action movie something something Have two and they're more naturally shaped and have a wider and flatter torso than Barbie something something Why I got the crochet a doll pattern in the first place so she'd always be able to squish in to those dresses.

Since putting things out on Tumblr that you're looking for seem to work I would love to find this purple based jelly roll, or fat quarters or layer cake, by Hi-Fashion fabrics. Or at least decent images of what the prints look like. This isn't the pansy or one with the dragon flies, many of the florals are the same print on a black or white background.

The thing abut America is if you don't like what's going on you can actually run for public office and change things. We amend our constitution as needed and pass acts and federal bills and shit. You have the right to complain, decide if you want to own fire arms but not other people, can vote, and generally have disabled access to places that actually follow building codes.

But if you change the price of the hot dog or rotisserie chicken we'll kill you.

I bring up building codes because I've shopped at the Walmart that is literally in a branch of the San Andreas fault while we got our oil changed. The only reason we wouldn't go there as part of our thrift store circuit is if the hills behind it were on fire.

I have to type 'Will we get a 6.0 on the San Andreas fault or Grand Theft Auto 6 first?' so I can get it out of my system altho I don't play video games and only know it from the meme. And I totally felt the last big ass quake around here which was on a July 4th.

Don't be the reason we can't have a nice country this weekend.

And ouch TT-TT

Once again gravity has made my decisions for me.

If you have pretty butterfly drawer handles they do not mix well will balance issues. The bruise will be large and lingering, didn't even realize it scratched me enough to bleed until I took a look at it. Fortunately there's antibiotic cream and a big enough band aid to keep it clean.

I was telling myself to put off the bending and reaching until later today so I didn't mess up my back too early in the day, but it's going to be longer than that. I had arm using plans.

It's not my dominant hand so I'm good, I just have to figure out what else to do than what I had planned. Not sure if that includes crochet yet.

Aside from a morning thing that should be done, I'm not sure if I'll be going along or not, we plan to spend America 250 home. A cherry soda cake will be made. Potatoes have been purchased.

It's mostly other peoples' lack of driving skills. For instance the asshole in the inside turn lane yesterday who just missed us in the outside turn lane because he was going strait while we were turning. But I make up for what I pay in total coverage for my vehicle by it being a flex fuel and paying $4 less a gallon for ethanol than folks pay for diesel. Flexfuel is the near future, gas station infrastructure is already here, the rest of the car is "normal" and easier to fix, regular batteries.

That we live in like the best country in the world, even if it's flawed and needs work but we can fix it ourselves, shall be reflected upon.

Women can leave the house alone, dress as they please, handle their own finances, and have an education. You can fly your flag here. Homosexual people are allowed to live openly and marry other homosexual people without fear of death. You can worship in any way you see fit. If you don't want to worship no one will make you worship. You can get a public education, inadequate as it might be, but you can still get it for free. Criticizing the government and having a dissenting point of view is allowed. You have the right to dye your hair what ever color you want, pierce whatever you want, and tattoo whatever you want.

Meanwhile as nice as the current layout is the bed might get a quarter turn so the dollhouse can scootch and not have part of it blocked by the shelf I want to put other dolls and minis on.

If the morning sun didn't hit the only window I'd have my desk there and bed somewhere else but it's too hot to be comfortable. Yeah we have air condition but we try to limit how much we use it and over here the fan works fine on low.

Rob Agar not getting Kane Pixels’ Backrooms is different than that of people who say it’s boring and/or can’t remember Mary’s name and the she has a uterus but doesn’t show us her tits crowd.

Rob is on the dock, boarding pass in hand, the boat is sailing right past him, the gang plank will be over there by the rolling giant.

I was delighted to see Rob reviewing Backrooms, disheartened to find out he didn’t even give the YouTube series a chance, and couldn’t even finish his review because he was so far from getting it he had things to say about Kane’s interview with Wendigoon. In like a comment section are checking their pockets for lighters incase they have to roast way.