Little Walken's Mind Dump

The first amendment protects you against the government, not the Little Walken.

My blog, my bean soup recipe within the TOS.

Don't be the reason we can't have nice things.

Advisor for snoot guardianship.

Now it's getting to be can we stay home and not have an appointment or prescription or anything else we have to go out of the house and get today? Because I could totally finish a task I'm doing today and set myself up to start this weekend with tasks anew but I have to be home to finish.

At least we're ending our all meat has to be boneless so we don't have to cook it in the oven thing. Now it just has to be cooked by a certain time in the morning so the cooler can do its job before shut off time in the afternoon. We're on one of those power bill things where if we don't use our major appliances between certain hours it's cheaper.

I have no idea how the hell some of y'all are out there paying $$$ electric bills for apartments and reasonable sized homes. The only time we came close to that was when the Life Ruiner was around full stop.

Out here it's the water bill that gets us but we are also seeing the construction crews and their water pipes on the street jacking shit up. I will pay extra taxes to fix the roads if I actually see road crews out there fixing them. At least in our area shit is finally getting done.

Starting to get some random creative ideas for stories, or at least parts of stories that need to be written out. I think the next story I put in the spiral notebook, I wanted the wire for the plastic reusable paper, will be the mask story. It might not be a proper draft but it'll expand on the notes I have for it so the next draft will go easier.

Got to remember all things must fart.

It's about the time in the task that seems to be taking forever that future me will be thanking present me for where I feel rather unaccomplished and yet I have done so much and if I wasn't doing other things could finish with it today.

But I am doing other things and taking the opportunity to get out and walk around and do IRL shit. In the past I wouldn't have been so eager to go out in the heat but this car has a working air conditioner. Yes, it's that simple. And tell grandma with modern cars it's more aerodynamic and uses less gas to use the cooler, especially when going fast.

something something Hello loneliness my old friend something something You'd think I'd eventually get over that something something Some day it has to change something something

I want to go out and have gentle but steady exposure therapy outside of my "comfort zone". Now I don't mean working up to hiking and camping and being outside and hot and dirty or around loud things but I'd like to try some stuff.

I also need to plan what I'm going to do with the meat suit when I get the next round of energy. I'm proud I turned the last bit in to housekeeping but I wish it didn't come with the emotional energy too because I feel double wiped out now.

Had a spell yesterday, don't know if it was manic because never in my life have I ever felt like I've had the energy for one of those, but I turned the energy to vacuuming because when I feel like that I don't want to do anything I can't undo. Still feeling a bit off this morning.

It's a combination of angry and depressed and feeling worthless I'd like to have an explanation that doesn't involve my uterus.

I am also proud of myself for not shopping my way out of it.

My mind feels tapped.

There are plans to go out and do something away from the nest so that should help.

Still not finished with the file transferring. Aside form taking my time to make sure it's done well there's just a lot, somewhere between a shitload and a fuckton, and while it's very likely there will be things that will leave, and possibly without even seeing them because the more I learn about some stuff the less I want to see it, and half of it is just making myself sit down and deal with them.

I have a save first, decide later mentality with the shiny things I pick up in my travels. It's served me well these last five years. I know I've been doing it longer than that but definitely the last five years.

Tells imaginary therapist that there's a difference between growing up poor in a family/culture where everyone generally is and the struggle feels somewhat equal* and growing up poor, not being the golden child, and watching money be ill spent on them. Thus buying miniature things for the dollhouse I haven't set up in years will continue to happen.

*Absolutely nothing to do with communism or group projects. I am the person who will, especially upon finding out I'm the only one doing it, will stop carrying the load of the rest of the team while going to the teacher/boss telling them I am doing a solo project which I expect a solo grade for and if you don't give me a proper grade for it I will bring the wraith of the disabled students union upon you. I will not fail the last class I need for my degree because of someone else.

Meanwhile I found out I have a double surprise food ball and instead of having a melt down my first thought was how blessed am I to be able to afford even one in the first place.

Last night as I was falling asleep something clicked as the fifth anniversary of putting the summer of 2021 finally behind me approaches- Since then there haven't been any new major your brain would love for you to think about this daily and you'll be spending years breaking out of it traumas.

Yes, there were things htat happened at shit street like my immune system finding new things on me to attack, all histamine in my body had to come out thru my skin, and the whole constant gas leak, and the fucked up last of the Buicks in this bloodline, but something else must have happened that broke the trauma cycle in my brain.

Since then I've had to deal with several things that could have tried to join the trauma club, only the thing with mom's surgery could have even thought to apply, but I've got to accept that the feeling something is wrong that there isn't something wrong can be my new normal. Perhaps never completely as what's going to happen next seems to be wired in to me but there are quite a few things going on where every part of me has to get used to the idea that certain things can never happen again.

So tired of transferring files but I did learn a way around a formatting issue I have.

Remember that time in late 2024 when the archive was like down down? And I keep hearing about other places being taken away. It makes me tired of saying save (copy) what you can.

Derp, remind me to get the images of the latest chapter of the Swan manga off my phone. I bought every CMX issue, I was going to finish the series, I deserve to know how it ends. You didn't know you could just right click and save photos you see on the internet? Or if that doesn't work did you ever try screen shots? I learned that last century. Never said my digital library was printable, I said it was readable. A Discoverie of VVitches is 500 years old, there's no copyright on that fucker.

Just got to remember that present Little Walken is doing this for Future Little Walken. We had to do it when the big external drive had to be shucked because the USB connector stopped working. Got to figure out what to do with that as it had to be plugged in to a power source to work. The pocket drives might be smaller in space but I had one with me at the Mystery Flesh Pit because their WiFi sucks.

But that is all five years behind me. Soon enough there won't be a cell in my body that has been further east than... I think we went a bit up in to the mountains behind the one junk store. But it will definitely be well within my time zone and watershed.

Anyone want to do a road trip between Barstow and Cline's Corner on Highway 40 so Tamzyn Rex can eat the tourist traps and I can heal a bit let me know. I'd like to take at least one overnight trip in my life where I can just relax, know time isn't money, trust the vehicle I'm riding in, and not be trapped with mentally ill relatives. I don't drive but I can read a map, be quiet, and/or do my best to have a pleasant conversation. I also took physical geography in college so a bit of next to the road rock hounding is okay but I'm not able to hike.

6 terabytes is a lot of pet videos but you tell these sweet little faces that we don't need hours upon hours of them growling in their sleep.

I have no idea what she thinks she was growling at but now that I know that's what the noise was she was practically born growling.

Five years ago we were finally starting the process of putting that absolute hell of a summer behind us. Altho we'd be moving in to the place on shit street with its problems it was still out of a hotel and back in to a home of our own.

If anyone needs a Reddit story LMK, the only two times in my life I ever traveled out of my time zone was for the birth of the Life Ruiner and 40 years later which ended with leaving her #$@! ass out there. Also includes not being the Golden Child stuff.

Meanwhile the file transferring something something not the first time I've swapped hard subs with shitty sound something something smaller file size but you can hear it and see it without the overlays something something don't look free downloads in the resolution something something

Having a slightly incomplete list of what we have in the library aside, like there's a folder that's just labeled "puptatoes" with hundreds of files, I really need to do a summary of why I have some, Jeffrey Combs is in it will suffice, and how many seasons and episodes.

Unless I had a friend who wanted to come over and help with the task and could take home with them all the terabytes of cat videos they could fit in their pockets.

As much as I'd like to seed or whatever the hell that is, I have a vague understanding of fluid dynamics and what constitutes a torrent, it's just not going to happen any time soon as I live in drought state, El Nino this winter or not.

I thought y'all made a point out of listening to "marginalized voices" because if you did then you might have paid attention when the pansexual space lizard said the point of The Boy Who Cried Wolf wasn't if you keep lying over and over no one will believe you when you're telling the truth but that it was 'never tell the same lie twice'. But he was played by a white man so of course you don't care.

I might be spending the rest of the month sorting and copying files so I have a lot of time to watch yew chube videos and the members of Monty Python who graduated from Cambridge couldn't have written a better sketch than watching the professor of identity politics run away like a chicken shit when confronted with lies of his own making.

But not holding him up to the same standards that anyone else would be held up to is racist while we make sure he was given his position over other people with better qualifications because of his race.

No one ever looked at any of his claims and said "really?" Oh, wait, some people tried, but they were called something that ends with -ist that has lost all meaning.

I don't expect most of the kids on my internet lawn to get it. They're too busy making up reasons to feel special because society is telling them that to get anywhere you have to be the most special and marginalized person in the room.

Yes, at a time in my past when I really could have used a sponsorship to help me advance in my pursuit of something I could have made at least part of my living from I was passed over for not getting any squares on the bingo card outside of being female.

I was also "fat" at the time but being fat wasn't seen as a sign of being diverse at the time.

Today's earworm is This One by Paul McCartney, don't worry, it's just internal echolalia as part of your undiagnosed but probable high functioning and heavily masked female autism. Not a bad earworm to have figuring you haven't listened to it entirely since like the 90s and you only had it on VHS as the two Macca albums you owned were Band on the Run and Give My Regards to Broadstreet.

Now if we don't have to go out to get a prescription we can stay home today and do staying home things that need to be done along with the transferring of files from one hard drive to another because 1-I needed more space for pet videos, and 2-they all need to be ExFAT instead of you're the only one around here with a Mac you posh bastard.

I'm the only one with a desk top that will last me a projected 10 years, the previous one is that old and still going, that doesn't lose files because it didn't know where it put them. ~insert meme I saw about SeaGate drives erasing things on their own here~ Altho I think I've discovered that the issue was the cable because switching to one that came with the other drives has a much more secure connection.

Went thru the surprise babies and I like the look of the Zuru ones but not the MGA ones. I've put all but one of the MGA ones in the probably going to get rid of you pile. The one I kept looks like it's going to have a meltdown and I don't know why I kept it but I just did. It needs some corn starch as it's feeling far more sticky than the Zuru babies.

Picked up some half price Disney treats, I know have two Elsa ice cream, two Minnie Mouse donuts, and a Monsters donuts. Not sure what I'm doing with them yet.

Right now the pressing thing is getting the hard drives sorted and I hope that spreads to getting other things sorted and arranged but the general confusion of where and how that comes with the ADHD is also setting in.

Meanwhile I'm trying a DHEA supplement to see if that helps my energy. It'a an over the counter vitamin type and super low dose and the bottle is rather empty for the price. If nothing really happens in the next couple of weeks I'll stop.

When I was taking over the counter blood builder vitamins and minerals I knew within a few days it wasn't going to cooperate with my system. The fish oil took a bit longer to realize that was the source of my occular migraines. The good side to that sensitivity is an excuse to never ever eat the cheap ass fried fish things that used to be a regular part of our diet.

It's the difference between ExFAT and what ever the current hard drives are now and I know what I'll be doing for the rest of the week, copying home videos of the pets and Disneyland. I knew I needed another drive for all the videos I've been taking of the shrimp but I've got to move everything from the drive it's on to one that's been formatted for both Mac and Windows and there's a combined 16 terabytes between the first three.

It's all in the category of things present Little Walken can do for future Little Walken while physically recovering from something past Little Walken aggravated in their meat suit. But the factory Blythe Blybe Basaalk looks a hell of a lot better.

For now she's going to keep the length. The clips are to help train the part. I always do my reroots a bit thick and long because you can always give them a trim. If anyone gives her a bob... You ever see that movie Dolls? The 1987 one by Stuart Gordon? No? Then what happens will all be a surprise.

I kind of feel creatively tapped out for a moment anyway so doing the busywork stimming, for lack of better words, will probably be for the best. If you like to do busywork see if you can channel it in to something productive.

Before reroot

After reroot

If you have missionary friends please familiarize them with what the logo and symbols for the band Ghost look like so they know to avoid anyone wearing them because that's how God says nope on out of here. It would also be helpful for Mormon missionaries to know what South Park stuff looks like so they know there's a high chance any South Park fans they deal with could have "dum dum dum" playing in the back of their minds.

Coming out of the grocery store and passing a pair of Mormon missionaries I forgot I have a small Kenny plush on my purse but damn if he didn't work as missionary repellant.

Things are creeping back to our form of normal around here. We're able to go out, weather allowing, to do things. You have a car with working air conditioning so that part of your life has changed dramatically derp.

I used up all my surprise ball mojo bringing home both birthday party and pumpkin patch twins. I also got the birthday cake baby so I have one in that position. Got the Axel Foley or whatever that thing is from the pets, I also have the chick and will trade for the spider. The rest I picked up were marked. Since I already got the one Halloween on I really wanted it's looking good for a while.

Standing there paying more for minis than I used to make in a paycheck on my $5 an hour job at the turn of the century, still cheaper than therapy, really made it hit home how far I've come in the last 25 years. Aside from never thinking I'd be anywhere close to here until I got here I never thought I'd be so unburdoned from many of the anxieties I had.

Not that I won't be worried about the paperwork I just sent off until my next paycheck or a letter saying everything is fine, whichever comes first, but if I did screw things up I finally can say that $5 safety net in my purse won't be going to constant upkeep on a bucket of a car or some other need I shouldn't be the only one on the hook for.

Making shrimp stuffed with peas and carrots, you're doing it weird.

Today's reassurance-the form you filled out and sealed in an envelope to be put in the mail today was done correctly and everything on it is fine.

So here's some shrimp eating their vegetables.

Those are defrosted frozen carrots and peas, canned might work too, and the peas have been popped. It drew out just about all the half grown teenager shrimp in a feeding frenzy. Vegetables are also good for betta and most algae eaters.

I swear tho, if no matter what you do you never have success with fish try freshwater shrimp. We don't have a heater, there's always algae somewhere, and no matter what someone not me overfeeds and treats them. And as you can see the moss ball and other plants are doing fine. An explosion of shrimp means plenty of food and we're doing something right by them. Just don't partner them with someone who will eat them and know they might eat baby fish. We have an Oto algae eater and two male guppies to help control the "seed shrimp".

While I consider a Middie Blythe I am rerooting the "factory" one I got at the doll show.

That orange mess was always going to go which is why her scalp is already popped off. She's been having fun with the wigs but as she isn't sure she's going to stay she don't know. I had bought a black scalp, and I thought it would be just the soft part not the whole dome, but it didn't fit her so it went to the real Blythe. I know the real one in an RBL and that's what I ordered and it didn't fit the fake so the real one claimed it and now she's full time goth.

I'm not at all in to the Blythe fandom. For the longest time I had a Blythe, at least real face and head back with after market parts on a Takara body, and I played around with her. I was looking at getting her a friend before this year's local doll show and the factory girl was there and hella cheap so I went for it.

Something something any doll I buy and especially those I reroot I do thinking I am going to be keeping them because that's what happens something something rerooting her with hair from a pink human sized Halloween wig I bought years ago because I know it has enough hair and will look nice on her.

I wish I had a doll friend who was good at doing wigs that lived closer to me because I'd like them to throw together some of the wefts of the "ice cream" wig for Dawn the centaur.