#bravingpathstogether

        this was really off the cuff start so it’s not really formatted or anything haha

Ren:     Ren just really sad and, "i wouldn't keep being friends with you if you were. your heart's in the right place. Humans are allowed to make mistakes."

Gilbert:     "Intention doesn't dismiss culpability... or... the fact that maybe I wasn't in the right place then.... this doesn't feel like a mistake, Ren, it was..." His eyes are hidden and he's kind of just trying to avoid actually looking at her. "... I hurt everyone. I did what I was trying to prevent. I'm..." Sorry...

Ren:     "We were never really angry to begin with." Casually checking his temperature. "We were just focusing on bringing you back. We wanted you back." she's trying to tuck him into bed. "I think you need forgiveness from yourself the most, but it's not easy. We'll be here, though, so at least keep that in mind."

Gilbert:     He's leaning away from her hand- he'll be okay, he needs to talk about this. "I don't know how you did it. I did such terrible things, to you too. I just..." A mirthless smirk, and he shakes his head a bit. "You should've just handed me back... it'd make sense." Justice... right...? He didn't need forgiveness from anyone, he hadn't earned it. He just... wanted to know...     "Hey... you asked me once... so now, I'm.. I'm asking you. Do you... do you hate me, for what I did to you guys....?" All the things he's put into motion, all the things he'd caused, purposefully or not.

Ren:     Ren sighs as he leans away. She's not really a healer like Caleb or Aria, but she at least knows how to treat a sick person. but this sick person is being very stubborn. So she leans on her chair instead. Gilbert feels he has to have this conversation? Alright, she'll let him.     But she frowns at what he says. "Give you back? After the hell we went through to do the opposite? C'mon, Gil. Do you really think...?"     Nevermind, he's not really thinking straight right now.     She freezes slightly at his question. It's familiar, although now they're in each other's shoes. The answers given are the same, though. She doesn't hesitate."I don't hate you."

Gilbert:     This sick person is very stubborn; always has been. It just took a long time for this side him to be allowed free reign... a long time and maybe some fever-haze. It's the only way he can say these things, if he's not actually registering what he's saying.     And of course. It was a fitting end to a fitting idiot, to be consumed and lost to his own ignorant sense of justice. A child. He was just a stupid, naive child to trust in such lofty ideals.. how had his father not been lost to them...? The hell they went through... that was just why they should have...     Gilbert starts a bit at her answer, eyes widening where they're focused on his lap. Ren could always say things with such conviction. It was... He brings his hand to his face, pressing the heel of it to his eye as if it can stop the spring welling within his eyes.  He presses his lips into a flat line. No way... no way is he going to cry, not when... if she's being honest... "H-how...?"

Ren:     Ren's just watching him now, calmly. At least that's what it looks like, but in reality there's a storm within her, wanting to break free from her chest that almost makes her want to clutch on it. This pain. It's hers, but also not at the same time. It's pain she feels for this person. The boy in front of her, who's covering his face as if he's hiding something. But no, that act reveals so much, and she wants to cry.     But she smiles instead. "How? We're friends, dummy. 'How' is irrelevant."

Gilbert:     It does tell so much; everyone knows Gilbert well enough to know when he's hiding, and he hates that. He's trying to keep this from you, Ren. He just wants her to be okay, and here he is, again... He's done so much damage, everywhere he turns he does something else and...     Because we're friends. It's not that simple, Ren. He loves you, and you're his friend, but that doesn't absolve him from everything... it can't. "... I'm just... I'm so tired, Ren." His other arm winds around his torso, like he's curling up; but it's more than that. "I'm sick of hurting the people I'm supposed to be helping, and I..." He lets out  a soft breath of a laugh. "I'm doing it now, huh? I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't... be saying all this..."

Ren:     But that's how she feels. He asked her how she couldn't hate him, and that was the answer she found. The answer she always knew. Ren wasn't trying to absolve him from anything, just... she was just being honest with herself.     This pain she feels for him, she doesn't mind having it. It just means she cares about him and that makes her happy. She's hurting because he's hurting, and more than the happy days when she was just a knight and Gilbert was just someone nearby, she wanted to hope this pain she was feeling connected her to him somehow. She doesn't mind pain, nor scars. It's a sign that she's fought with all she has and survived.     "Gil, when you make friends, one way or another you're going to end up hurting them. Even if you didn't mean to. But that's the thing: because we're friends, we learn to accept it and move on. Maybe it's always going to be there, but true friends... those bonds don't easily get cut. You can't get rid of us. And you most certainly can't get rid of me even if you tried."     Ren rises from her chair and seats herself next to him on the bed. She cups his chin, feeling for his tears if they managed to fall.     "Please don't apologize for something like that. You're allowed to be hurt. But let me in. I want to help. Alright?"

Gilbert:     What was said about the road to hell? That was it, wasn't it? That's what this is- his good intentions have taken them all on a downward spiral, and he's still taking them with him. That's what he gets when he tries to help- he just makes things worse. With the Court, with his friends, even with Mirany--     He's only thought he was feeling the pain of his sins for this time, but be it the discussion or the fever or what, he's definitely feeling it now. Like molten lead in his chest, the fire of guilt, of fear, of grief is burning, pooling over his eyes. Yes, Ren, those tears are falling for sure, no matter how he attempts to stanch them.       And she... as she sits beside him, insisting they're friends, he can't wrap his head around it. Of course he views them all as such, but... how can a bond be that strong? How would he feel if they did something like this to him? He wasn't sure. Was it like... like Presley? The thought fills him with a new horror. No, no they wouldn't-- they wouldn't... He trusts them, even still, even with every fibre of him saying it's not safe after all he's put them through. And Ren's words only stoke this assuredness.     'Those bonds don't easily get cut.'     Her hand is rough, calloused on his cheek, and damn it he wishes he wasn't crying. It's embarrassing, stupid. What is he supposed to do if he can't apologize, Ren? What if... "I- how...? I don't know what I'm doing anymore-!" The Court is gone, at least his is, his home is something he can't face right now, and he's afraid of his own friends. He's just sort of going on instinct at this point, following and hoping that it works out. "What am I supposed to be doing...?"

Ren:     And her right arm curls around him. He's hot to the touch, probably from the fever, and honestly she wishes she could use both arms if it meant offering double the comfort, but she can't even do a simple thing like that. Her left arm is numb to the frustration they both feel right now. What was he supposed to do? What was she supposed to do? Gilbert was the expert on emotions, she was not, but she tried. She tried really really hard, hoping her actions would be enough.     "You don't have to do anything right now." She presses her cheek against his temple, and her own tears begin to fall. "I'm sorry. Sorry, Gil, I--"     And now she's apologizing after explicitly telling him not to. She's normally calmer than this. Has she caught his fever now? No, idiots never caught fevers. She's just really really sad, the guilt she's been trying so hard to deny seeping through the cracks in her edges. If she had only paid more attention, if only she tried to understand him better. Maybe she could have told him the things he needed to hear, and she's so very sorry.     "I don't know what to do, either. I just don't want you to be sad... But I can't possibly ask you to do that. I know." Damn it, left arm! Move!     "You... Your heart is just too kind... for a bastard world like this, and your cuts run deep. I wish I could tell you that the pain was only around the surface, that it would heal in no time, but all I can do is offer to stay with you until it does."

Gilbert:     Despite wanting to pull away, Gilbert let's her wrap her good arm around him, leaning his head into her shoulder. Her skin is cool- he should get her a blanket or something...-, and while he's not sure he deserves to be coddled for this, he appreciates the comforting gesture no less. But he's putting things on her that he shouldn't- she didn't betray her friends, her father, for childish and faulty ideals. She didn't use her hurt as a weapon and justification for whatever she felt like. She wasn't him. And her apologies now somehow are cutting deeper than her earlier acceptance. Ren, your kindness is a blade- be careful how you wield it.     He gave a breath of a laugh at her insistence to not be sad, shaking his head softly where it was on her shoulder. No, that's not something she can ask for. There's no mystery switch to turn off emotions, not anymore. Whatever box he had stuffed all of his softness into previously was open now, and those emotions were back with vengeance.     But she would still stay. Despite how he seemed magnetic to disaster and misfortune, she wants to help him... they all do, don't they? Ridiculous... They should cut their loses and be rid of him, and were he a stronger individual, he could do it for them. Presley is his business, after all. But he's scared, he's weak, he...     Wrapping his arms around her, Gilbert takes care not to jostle her arm, but pulls her as close as he can. "You... can't be sorry if I can't... you did nothing wrong." Nothing he hadn't orchestrated- she couldn't have helped him, steeped in his own piety as he had been. He hadn't wanted her help, he'd meant to keep them all out of this. So none of this was on her. "Your heart is the kind one... and... I'm so grateful..." Undeserving, but grateful. He closes his eyes against her, trying not to let himself give to that distant tug of exhaustion that the comfort he's feeling is stoking...

Ren:     How could she bring herself to hate him? Whenever she would so much as glance at Gilbert, all she saw was the kid who only loved too deeply and got hurt too deeply, so disappointed by life and how it treated the people he loved. When did their luck ran out--or was it destiny? That fateful day, where it all started. She loved Gilbert like a brother, wanted nothing more than to see him happy--and he was about to! He was about to, until...    All she knows how to do is fight. Caleb's the one who comforts. Alex is the one who provides the warmth. She's nothing more than a blade to be wielded, a shield to protect. She's nothing more than that, in comparison to her amazing friends.     And Gilbert, oh, Gilbert. He couldn't see it--how special he was, how kind he was. He couldn't accept anything good about himself, so Ren wanted to accept those for him. He would see all the bad in himself while she would see the good. She knew it was there.     "You're an idiot," she hiccups. "A really, really big idiot." She's stroking his hair now, and that perhaps calms her more than it does him. "I love you. Caleb, Alex--we all love you. Even if you think you don't deserve it, love is unconditional. You can't force someone to love you and you can't force them to hate you, too. That's just how things go. At least, with us.     "Don't leave us again," she says. "At least, not with the feelings you had in the past. You don't know this, but we need you."

Gilbert:     Emotions were something Gilbert had always had in spades. If he was upset, it was with his every fibre, no matter how he bit it back. If he was happy, he was gleeful. His emotions were reasonable in their arrival, but they took hold of him so strongly, so completely when he did experience them. It had always been all or nothing. And the first time he had felt that seeth, the sharp sting of alcohol to an open cut that was his fury and grief, somehow it felt like it had never left him. He had never known how to let go. Until then, he hadn't needed to. Life had been the same, day to day to day, unchanging, unprovoking. And then everything had changed. How did you come back from that? How did you cope with something without stewing in it, using it to push you forward...?     He wasn't the incredible one. It was Ren. She was a shield and sword with no wielder, a tornado in human form that rent down anything in its path by conviction and power. And despite her ferocity, she held as much love in her as power, and used it in the same way she did her sword. Perhaps it was not the most conventional, or the most well received method, but it was a method Gilbert was familiar with and drew comfort from. He had always said Ren was a diamon in human form- sharp, cool, unbreakable. Even with her arm as it was, she was still such a foe. Caleb and Alex, too, had their redeeming qualities and admirable traits, but this was about Ren and Gilbert. And he...     Surely he had them. He knew he must. But when would they actually crop up and make themselves apparent? His hands were soiled, ruining everything he touched, and despite this he still clung to Ren as she pet his hair. He shouldn't. He loved her, too- an only child, alone while Father was gone, he'd never had anyone other than she and Alex and Caleb, and they couldn't be more important to him; so then why was he continuing to put her through this...? Unconditional aside, he should be acting--     'Don't leave us again.'     He stiffened for a moment, then relaxed again into her grip. His grip was weaking a bit around her, his chest aching, but breathing slowing a bit. Don't leave them again... they... need him...? That didn't seem right. They had functioned all that time without him, hadn't had to put up with all of the devastation of the Court's renegades until his join. Without him, Presley and Matthias would... never have touched Caleb... never have hurt Ren.. never have driven Alexius to the breaking point... never have drawn the Capels from their home to search for him... they all had been hurt by his failings, and he....He was grateful to each of them. So much. How he had not seen before....     "I... I won'..." he breathed into her shoulder. "Not... like that... if I do... if I leave again... it's for you guys... you know that, right...?" Soothing... her presence, her embrace... this was okay, right? Hadn't she just said... to let her in...? So this... this wasn't a burden...?

Ren:     But did he realize, how much she came to rely on him just as much as she relied on herself? How often his presence behind her was reassuring whenever she fought. He was like a lifeline--all of her friends were, and she was forced to just accept the fact that he left, when all she really wanted was to stay together. That would have been enough. The path to knighthood was harder knowing she was the only one on it, but even then, Gilbert was there. She needed him, and she probably should have admitted it sooner.     The little gestures he did, leaning backwards to support her head when she hid from her superiors, how he allowed himself to be crushed under her weight when she leapt from a tree, his mile-long patience as she continued with her antics... the way he never locked the window to his room so she could enter... She wanted those moments back, and it took her such a long time before fully adjusting to his absence.     "Yeah," she nodded. Finally... he was finally back. And he wouldn't leave, right? Not without warning. Not without trust.Letting her in would never be a burden on her. She'd wanted him to do that ever since Mirany died. It's like something clicked back then, like a lock. A door that closed on her and couldn't open again. But now, it's safe to say it has... right?     "Stop trying to do so much and get some rest. You've been at it for so long. Slow down, why don't you?" she laughs, cheeks damped with tears as she pulls her head back to look at him. They both must look so silly right now. "Hahaha, gross."

Gilbert:     It was safe to assume he'd had no idea. He always had figured her strength was intrinsic, as natural to her as... well, seemingly everything else about Ren. She was effortless, it seemed. Having him to shout weaknesses and defense tactics wasn't necessary to anyone, and now he was doing less of than then just throwing himself into whatever combat they landed in. He wasn't just the weak little kid who hid anymore, and it... felt pretty damn good actually to be able to show that. See guys, he had improved too. And by his own hand he had gotten strong, so strong, and in that strength he had somehow fostered in himself an even greater weakness than any amount of demureness or trepidation that had held him back previously. It was ridiculous how that worked... from one end of the inhibited spectrum right to the other...     But now he could fight. He could protect. And Gilbert would do so with everything he had. For people like Ren- the one who would sneak away from supervisors to catch time with him, to leaping ( idiot ) from a tree because she wanted to surprise him and spend time together, the girl who always climbed in his window instead of using the front door because he assumed something had possessed her to think heights were fun. She was always doing things for him, even... even supporting him after Mirany... after she'd-... Ren was always there, always giving him a reason to smile, a warmth in his life he didn't normally have. She was his best friend. He'd do anything...     And anything included remaining by her as long as she needed. For anything she needed. And with her arm in the state it was in, Gilbert would just have to work that much harder for her. The thought filled him with distant determination, a resolve to help. He had caused it, but he could at least aid the damage he had done, lessen it somehow. He could be her arm. It would help her, and hopefully put the others' minds at ease, too.     She pulled away, and he gave a little start, only having half heard what she was saying. He blinked slowly, adjusting. He may have dozed a touch. A small, half smile was on his lips as he pulled his sleeve over the palm of his hand, reaching out to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "No crying..." he pleaded softly. He used his free hand to steady himself upright, then continued, "And I only do what I feel I must. I'll slow down... when that's accomplished..." Even though he had just proclaimed he didn't know what he was doing. It just meant he would be at it for a good, long time. He looked to her with half-lidded eyes, then sighed. "You really... are amazing. You know....     ".... Alex'll be lucky to have you." Exhausted and almost delirious with fever, he still couldn't resist the jab...

Ren:     "What the hell, you started it." A chuckle, but his touch was welcome. Ren never had someone wipe her tears before, since she always cried alone, but had she known it felt so warm--well, perhaps their friends would witness this kind of sight more often. Maybe from now on.     She nodded to his words, a small smile on her lips. "Fair enough."     She felt his hold on her slowly slipping along with his consciousness, and this dummy, barely keeping his eyes open, still delivered the jab with such finesse. The little bastard.     "Alex doesn't... He..." She sighed. "Never mind." Ren gently pushed his shoulder so he would lay on the bed, then the same hand slipped under his neck so he'd flop onto the pillows gently.     "Get some rest, little man."