#brainfluid

past loves have been lukewarm and so i’ve spit them out

they never met the expectations held by my mouth

were they too high? some would say yes- i would disagree

just because love has never manifested physically 

does not diminish the great desire to have and hold and be

IN LOVE is not a feeling i have every truly seen

outside of with my child, sometimes God, occasionally me

only one of those holds fast and strong, the others come and go

for i can’t predict how my mind may shift or how the seasons of Him flow

i want so badly to believe in Him and in myself

it’s hard when every man i’ve know has made me feel like less

how do i honor God when He is man and made them all?

and why did He create this self hatred that’s so strong?

imagination runs wild and free when someone shows up as pure

but hesitations and past relations bring my knees to the floor

oh please God, i be of Thee, shower me with grace

let truth be known, leave Your throne, and guide me on my way

i’d walk beside You fearlessly toward a subject who is fair

we’d live a righteous life and at the end meet You up there 

we’d give our thanks and know without a doubt we were one soul

split apart in two bodies meant to meet and grow 

i sit here in my solitude and dream of love so real

i know i’ve seen it once before, but to see is not to feel

prayers have gone unanswered and my Faith has been let down

than being held in the arms

of a man who loves God

knowing the hands

that touch me in the most sacred places

are divinely protected

alleviates the fear

that our sins won’t be forgiven 

exonerated

by  His  mercy

have