#braincation

In summer, I forget how to write a lesson plan.  

Let’s Take a Braincation!

Sometimes we all just need a vacation. Unfortunately, there is this thing called an attendance policy, and oh yeah, a job. So maybe you can’t take a vacation anytime you wish, but why not take a BRAINCATION? That’s right, people, a vacation for your brain. Sometimes referred to as a brain break.

I know sometimes it is hard to add one more thing to your already packed teaching schedule, so I…

Is your brain like my car? Loud, unreliable and smells like burning? Is it running all the time but never getting anywhere, like a refrigerator? Does it refuse to take a break, even though it's doing what is frankly shoddy work, screwing up so badly that things probably would have gone better if your brain hadn't been involved at all? You need a braincation.

Give your brain what it really needs and send it on a luxurious getaway to an island resort. Maybe Club Med! Your brain will love lounging by the pool, relaxing in the jacuzzi and napping on the beach. Just make sure it is not super windy at the place on the shore where your brain is sunbathing, because it's a bitch to get sand out of the parietal lobe.

Yes, you should literally remove your brain from your skull and send it someplace else. Just get in there with a medium-sized scoop and pop the darn thing out. It sure isn't helping you, so do yourself a favor and get rid of the dead weight. It's an easy way to lose three pounds!

Oh, you're concerned that you won't be able to function without your brain? Let me ask you a question. If I looked up "co-dependent" in the dictionary, would it just have a picture of your face? Has this been a problem for you throughout your life, this inability to function on your own? No, don't answer. The sorry, wobbly, melted-gelatin state of your brain as it remains trapped inside your skull is answer enough. How could you have done this to one of your very own organs? You're a monster.

But you don't have to be. Just find some sort of saw or large serrated knife (might be the perfect thing to buy with that Sur la Table gift card you've been saving), slice the top of your head off and set your brain free. It'll be a beautiful moment, like peace doves being released! Just watch out for seagulls. Those fuckers will eat anything.