#bracha

so many queer and trans folks have been shut out of religion. we have been shamed, shunned, and told that we can't possibly be accepted by religious groups, much less be religious.

yet Hashem made me trans in the same way that She made grapes and not wine, wheat but not bread. She gives me the freedom and the holy opportunity to be part of my own creation. she offers relationship and allows for becoming.

I draw my HRT from the vial into a syringe. I say the bracha as the needle enters my thigh. I push the medicine into the skin molded by Her, my canvas stretched tight in possibility. I am trans not just because I was born this way. I am trans because She gave me the chance to be.

As you touch your lips say the following blessing:

ברוכֶה אתה יי אלהימותינו רוח העולמים אשר יצרה את האדם בחכמה ובראה בנו נקבים נקבים חלולים חלולים

Transliteration:

B’ruche ateh ‘’, elohimoteinu, ruach ha’olameem

Asher yatzreh et ha-adam b'chochmah

Uvare'eh vanu n’kavim n’kavim chalulim chalulim

Translation:

Praise the Source of Life, Life of Many Worlds, who creates our bodies with Wisdom, creating holes and hollows.

Blessed is the One

For letting me see the holiness in others

The sacredness of scars on a chest

The holiness of one who has learned to love themselves

Who renew their creation

The mitzvah of my lips on their body

Gloriously exploring each other

My dear friend Ari Yovel wrote this incredible bracha for me for pre-surgery and I wanted to share it with you all. Here is the English translation in screenreadable text:

‘Blessed are you, Adonai our G-d, Sovereign of the Universe, who created my body with wisdom and placed a pure soul within me. The Transforming One to those who transform, you grace human beings with knowledge and teach understanding to every soul. In the name of the commandments of self-creation and the preservation of life: may it be your will, Adonai, our G-d and G-d of our ancestors, that by their merit I undergo a full and swift healing from Heaven, a healing of body and spirit. As is written in the songs of your servant David, "my heart rejoices, my whole being exults, and my body rests secure." Blessed are you, Adonai, who carries out the act of creation.’

Posting 6 Apr 2023 / 15 Nisan 5783: tonight starts the omer! You can check out HebCal's handy checker for what day of the omer it is at this link.

Image description: a digital collage with full colour botanical illustrations. A flowering branch of pomegranate has a sheaf of wheat in the middle. A spiral of moon phases in black starting from center top and ending with a gibbous moon at the straw for the sheaf of wheat.

For some people, this is something they were never taught about and you'll be surprised to hear about it. For others, it's a quotidian count without much more. For others (like me), it's a chance to do a little study each evening and take stock of your actions between Pesach and Shavuot. (Same goes for Shavuot - maybe it's a day you look forward to for study or for cheesecake, maybe it's something you never heard about. I like it because it brings together multiple of my loves: cream-based desserts, reading, flowers, and staying up all night.)

Image descriptions. Two photographs. Left is a single particularly tall stalk of blooming wild radish in a field of blooming white radish. The horizon shows some trees and the top third of the photo is a clear blue sky. Right is a bee about to collect nectar from a branch of flowering white ornamental pear. Her legs are visibly packed with golden pollen. The background is bokeh branches with few leaves on a sunny day.

The kabbalists introduced the practice of considering seven of the sefirot on the tree of life over the seven week period between Pesach and Shavuot as we metaphorically journey from the Narrow Place to Revelation. Each week has a sefira and each day has a sefira, so you end up considering each of them within each other: what does lovingkindness within discipline look like? What is sovereignty and humility within splendor? What is splendor within sovereignty?

Image description. Two images almost the same. Both depict a white kabbalistic tree of life collaged on a photo of the sea and mountains on the horizon at sunset with a subtle trans pride palette. The left has only Hebrew and the right has English transliteration under the Hebrew.

I have counted for a couple years now in chevruta and learn something new about myself, my friends, and our texts each year. If you've never tried counting before but are game to take a look, if you've tried before but this year you're going to complete it, or you've done this before and are looking to consider your practice from another angle, I have a tool for you!

I wrote an omer counter off my notes. We will never achieve full understanding, and each year will change and our understanding with us.

Image description: the cover of the omer counter with previously described pomegranate spiral moon and wheat image at center. Top reads counting the omer in English and Hebrew with the year 5783. Bottom right has artist signature in Korean and English transliteration of Hebrew.

There's a big at-a-glance spread of the count:

Image description: a double spread, split into two images, in black and white of a calendar with Gregorian and Hebrew dates, day of the count, sefirot, moon phases, and Jewish holidays.

There are quick breakdowns that invite you to consider your own systems and give background for

why and how to count

the tree of life

sefirot etymology and translations

what Shavuot is

Each week has a double spread with plenty of space for your own notes, the sefira of the week, translations of the sefira, the blessing for counting the omer in Hebrew and English, and the day of the count in Hebrew and English. These are my own using my consistent queer and poetic grounding to get the cultural and not just literal meaning across, using multiple names and genders for the Divine.

Image description: a double spread showing the week focusing on the sefira tiferet, in all black and white, as described in the above paragraph.

If this piques your interest, or you'd just like to support a mixed race queer Jew, please consider visiting my ko-fi, where you can get a PDF for as low as $5, or my redbubble, where you can purchase stickers, notebooks, and cards with the images.