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bill potts inĀ āthe pilotā
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bill potts inĀ āthe pilotā
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The Idea of Idling
July 11, 2013 ā Thursday
10:04 PM
Ā These are the days again when I am wide awake at night with just the thought of being idle, just closing my eyes from time to time, breathing as if things were just as tiny as the dust you can just inhale and exhale to but the thing is, it isnāt. All are bigger than all I can imagine, clogging through my veins, my heart. It sucks and it is stuck like forever inside of me.
Ā Iāve been idling, like itās something I have mastered long ago. Idling, just like eating, or sleeping, itās a normal thing I do. I just stop from doing anything. I just lie down and dream, or sit and pretend to be watching TV but my mind is full of things but donāt get me wrong, I donāt brag about it. In fact I feel ashamed of it. I feel ashamed of myself, for ever being a total crap on a lot of people. I just stop from talking to people close to me. I just stop from communicating, of saying hello. And I hate it. I feel sorry for myself, for being myself.
Ā This is the idea of idling ā to forget all the things hurting me, to remember the things I should have done and not. I just want to stop for a second, whether Iād be left alone or Iād be wet in the rain, or toasted under the sun, I just want to see the world in a quiet place. To get away from people pressuring me to be something I can never be or I donāt wanna be. To watch all the clouds go by and the trees lose its leaves. To tell myself things will be okay. I just want to idle sometimes, to think that these things are simple, that I can just sleep it all away.
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