#bpd talk

We really have know idea how long he was sober for. We know it'd been multiple years based on what TK said, but other than that, we can't say for sure how long it's been. Even if he was sober for nine years, it wouldn't be unusual for him to still have thoughts of having drugs and he would still know how to get those drugs. I wouldn't be surprised if there were many other occasions when he considered having substances, and in those times, he could have made plans about what he would do to get those drugs. Or like even little things could be a trigger and remind him of when he was using oxy. And bigger life events don't necessarily directly correlate to how someone is going to respond or whether they will relapse. A small issue can be that final straw. The whole Alex thing was a pretty big deal, and it spoke to deeper fears within TK, so I think he was dealing with more than just heartbreak and I would guess his abandonment issues were at play as well when he was making his decision.

As for the suicide thing, I know this is contested. I do think that he was suicidal on some level when he took the drugs, but I also think even TK is a little confused about his state of mind. In my head canon, he got the drugs and when he got them, he didn't have any suicidal plans. I think he used them, and he was possible met with a lot of complex emotions about what he'd done. You know the type of mentality where he was like "I've already ruined everything. The sobriety I worked is gone. I should just give up" Like, he got stuck in the all or nothing thinking where one mistake means he might as well keep making mistakes and double down on his behavior. And then I think that all kind of spiraled, and he sort of thought, there's no way to make this better, and maybe impulsively took more oxy than he normally would and maybe he wasn't like "I'm trying to die," but more like "if this kills me so be it." Anyways, an accidental overdose is certainly plausible as well.

I have considered the BPD angle for TK before. He definitely has some of the symptoms, and sometimes his actions really scream BPD to me. I also don't think they'd ever commit to this diagnosis on the show. Though, it would be pretty great to see a character with BPD who wasn't a criminal or evil like characters with BPD often are. and looking at TK's relationships, you see certain patterns. Like, even the limited content we see of Alex, we get a lot of insight. I suspect that TK felt the relationship slip away so that's why he decided to propose because he was trying to avoid feeling rejected. Or there have been hints that he idealizes and devalues people. Or he also has his identity issues. He very clearly has the risky and impulsive behaviors. We see a lot of mood fluctuations with him, and he can have angry outbursts that are disproportionate. So, yeah, there's definitely a case to be made.