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the thing with bpd is that you will know something you are upset over is like, an irrational thing to be upset over. but Knowing is like, half the battle. so you sit with those feelings. im Allowed to have feelings, but is it the right type and correct amount? Is this Worth changing my life over?
and the culprit is usually something that to someone without, would not be the end of the world. i.e small argument with a friend or something
ough its torment
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Im not wrong
Okay but unironically, despite its namesake, Crazy Ex Girlfriend is probably my favourite portrayal of BPD. It also has a pretty important message that I needed when i first watched it
Like Rebecca (main character who gets diagnosed in the show) spent all of the show chasing men she truly believed she needed to 'fill the void' (ohhh chronic feelings of emptiness when i get you) but by the end? she ends up getting with None of the guys. Not even the dude she wanted from the beginning, Josh. It ends with her choosing herself.
Something that i feel is so important is to build a relationship with yourself. For the longest time I was so intensely uncomfortable with my own presence. But thats because I did not know who I was. Even now, i have no solid idea. But i can work toward it.
It teaches that we owe ourselves just as much love as we give others, and that we do not need outside confirmation of whether or not we are loveable.
am i actually annoying or is it my bpd being a prick again
idk what other bpd haver needs to hear this but that guy with that affliction shirt who posts about wanting a cute goth bpd gf is not the one, run while you fucking can
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my T experience
Genuinely was so concerned when i found how much more DIFFICULT it was for me to start crying, for a long time crying was one of the healthier ways id have myself feel better after a particularly bad BPD moment
Granted its not that i never cry anymore, its just that things that would of used set my tears off, just do not anymore. I do still feel like, that emotional little pang one gets. It just converts into anger, or just a dull sadness.
being on T has been great, a lot of unexpected changes. but great nonetheless side note: it could also be the antidepressant i am on too, buut this started way before i was finally put on them, which was literally in 2024 lol
the most difficult part of my BPD aside from like every other shitty thing is the lack of emotional permanence, like sure ive found ways to handle it now, little self reminders and what not, but for the longest time i didnt have that. literally if the emotional stimuli isnt there, in my mind, it never existed in the first place. It goes for positive and negative emotions.
Which, awkwardly also includes love. Feeling loved.
The way i've learned to cope with this is to look back on conversations i may of had with someone, to kind of remind myself that yeah, they do love me, even if they arent here showing it to me in this moment. Its easier said than done, but i went ahead and just made a whole collection of 'reminders' lol
I'll be damned if I let this shit ruin shit ever again.
Because my values don't change and I've been set in them for quite some time, esp since I believe they relate to me being a highly sensitive person, I thought I had a strong sense of self. And although I have that aspect of sense of self sorted, I rlly don't know who I am in regards to the other aspects that make up “sense of self”
