#bpd reader

Jade - 

“You’ve been so nice recently, what’s gotten into you today?!” You stormed into Jade’s room, seeing red. Jade was sitting at his desk, terrarium supplies spread out along the surface, his desk lamp the only thing lighting the room. He turned around at the sound of your voice.

“What’s the matter, dear?” He asked calmly, undisturbed by your state.

“You… you’ve been ignoring me all day just to work on your terrariums? You didn’t even tell me? Not one text? I… do you even care about me at all?” The sentences all came out in a waterfall, one after another, your thoughts racing as anger boiled over. “I’ve been waiting all day to hang out… it’s the weekend…” You mumbled, clenching your jaw as you forced the words out.

Jade quickly set down his work and walked over to you calmly, resting his hands on both of your shoulders. It was hard to meet his gaze, the combination of embarrassment and intense anger freezing you in place.

“Your emotions are a lot harder to manage today, hmm?” He hummed, moving a hand up to pet your head lightly. “My dear, I simply didn’t realize the time. You understand how focused I can get…” You huffed at his reply, glaring at the ground.

“Well… it’s still not fair. You don’t even care about me. You can say it.” Jade’s petting stopped at your words, and he interrupted before you could continue.

“Of course I care.” He said coolly, without a single thought. He paused before continuing, tightening his grip on your shoulders before releasing them with a sigh. “Come, sit down with me. I’ll show you something.”

You’re numb and angry, but still let him lead you over to his bed and sit down. Jade picked up the terrarium he left on his desk and brought it over to you. He smiled, despite your foul mood, and sat down with his thigh touching yours on the bed– as close as he could be without curling around you completely, should you need the space. His arm closer to you came to rest behind your back. The touch helped quell some of your emotions, annoyingly.

“I’m not quite done with this one yet, but take a look.” Jade passed the terrarium to you, and you took it in both of your hands to look at it closely. “Does anything in there look familiar?” He grinned.

Inside the terrarium were some small plants mimicking trees and grass, with some ceramic statues positioned inside. By closer inspection…

“These are… figurines of… us?” You asked slowly, realizing. His smile widened, eyes narrowing as he took in your reactions.

“Remember the forest we explored this past break? We found the loveliest clearing for a picnic. I wanted to preserve the moment, though I have yet to finish maintenance on it.” He explained.

“You were working on this for… us?” You suddenly feel shameful, all anger suddenly dissipated. He cocked his head to the side, thinking.

“My dearest, I understand your frustrations… I know little things feel so big to you. You’re just like Floyd, you know. I take no offense to your reactions.” He continues almost clinically, calmly. “Although I hate to hear you say I don’t care. I hope showing you this makes you rethink those thoughts.” He added, some annoyance seeping back into his tone. He looked back at your face, bringing his hand nearest to you up to pet your arm lovingly, pressing you closer to his side.

“But I… I feel so stupid, I’m so sorry, Jade. Just… everything’s been so hard…” You trailed off, staring at the little undetailed versions of you and your boyfriend sitting in a lush field, surrounded by trees, kept in a quiet moment. You felt like crying.

“I’m not going to continue working now that you’re visiting. Why don’t I make you some tea and we can spend the rest of the night together?” He offered. You shook your head, frustrated.

“But I already ruined the night, I-I didn’t mean to make it bad, though!” You stuttered in frustration at yourself and your emotions. Jade shook his head in dismissal. He suddenly lifted you up in a princess carry within a second, not letting you get away.

“It may be the evening, but there’s so much time yet in the day. Let’s make it all better, okay?” He asked, but in a way that left no room for argument.

As you laid in his arms, you were reminded of how strong he really was from all of his hiking and swimming. Being close to him was lovely. It felt just right. You snuggled a little closer, still ashamed of your actions, but his earthy scent just helped so much to dissipate the tension from your body. Intense emotions like these always left you so tired. You’d protest more against him if that weren’t the case, but right now, enjoying the moment was the easiest thing to do, despite your internal objections.

“You know, you’re still so darling when you’re frustrated at me.” Jade suddenly spoke up as he walked with you, glancing down at you briefly before continuing to look ahead. “You’re so interesting, and I love to know you care so much about me. I only hope to show you the same.” He continued softly. The lights in the dorm were dim, students already in their rooms. The glow on his face from the hallway lamps was ethereal.

Jade suddenly brought you closer to kiss the top of your head gently, calmly. His arms holding you so close…

“I love you, my dear. Let’s have a nice rest of the night.”

Malleus - 

You waited outside for Malleus to greet you for a regular nightly walk. It had been a few nights since your last one, to your dismay. The breeze on your skin was nice, dim lights and stars grounding your thoughts. The day had been hard, too hard, and you were looking forward to seeing your boyfriend… though simultaneously worried about it.

Thoughts had been bad today, and after one thing led to another, you had hurt yourself. Though you’ve been getting better– being in a stable relationship with someone as caring as Malleus certainly helping– it was still a matter of training your tolerance for avoiding self-harm, and you just didn’t have the energy to withstand it any longer today.

You saw Malleus round the corner, snapping you out of your thoughts. He was always so beautiful, especially in the moonlight… but he looked worried upon seeing you.

“My dear, what’s wrong?” He asked carefully, approaching you but uncertain of whether or not to touch you.

“Is it that obvious..? It’s… it’s nothing, we can just walk…” You dismissed his concerns, embarrassed that you weren’t able to hide your negative mood from him. He really was clued into your emotions… Malleus shook his head at your words, prying again.

“Please tell me. I don’t want to worry about you.” He said simply. “Come, we can walk while you explain, but please…” The tone in his voice was hard to resist, and your thoughts were so bad that you had more of a lack of filter. You began to walk your typical route with him, taking his hand in yours automatically, despite your brewing thoughts. He began to walk with you, dirt crunching between your shoes the only sounds between you two before you began to speak again.

“I just… why do you even want to be with me, Malleus…?” You looked at his perfect lips, his eyes glowing in the dark, his overwhelming presence next to your disheveled one. You had barely gotten out of bed all day. “I’m so worthless, especially compared to you…”

“How can you be worthless when you’re mine? No other treasures out there outshine your worth. Are you implying I have bad taste..?” He said the last part teasingly, but the rest without a second thought. You knew he couldn’t lie, being a fae, yet his words were still hard to believe.

“But you have so many people who support you, want to tend to you and guard you, why me..?” You rambled on, trying to find reason.

“You realize you are the only one that cares for me, my dear? In any real sense? I have enough support, but nothing shakes my loneliness like your presence does.” He states more firmly, his eyes going somehow darker. “You’re so lovely, so complex… come here, darling.” He stops walking, letting go of your hand to instead spread out his arms slightly for a hug– though his aura carried with it that it wasn’t an optional hug. You approach mechanically, still mumbling about how you didn’t understand his reasonings.

His embrace of you was warm against the cool night air, and nice. You frowned into his shoulder. It’s almost too nice. You felt you didn’t deserve this. As he enveloped you for a minute longer, you sensed his breathing change slightly. You looked up to see him frowning.

“Beloved, has anything… What happened today? I understand you’ve had time to yourself, and possibly no interventions…” He seemed nervous to ask, but you realize he somehow figured it out. You cast your eyes down, embarrassed. You forgot about his superhuman sense of smell. There wasn’t any hiding from him. 

“I just… it was a really hard day, okay… you've been so busy recently with your Housewarden duties, and I didn't know… not that you really care, anyway…” With your attention now on it, you could feel your skin stinging under your clothes. You were sure some of your cuts were still bleeding, it was no surprise he ended up smelling it on you, now that you think about it.

Malleus shook his head, mumbling something under his breath before you felt a strange sensation, like flying… and realized you’d been teleported away from the outdoors before you could blink. You looked around, disoriented by the sudden scene change. Stone walls, a large room with a few connected doors, dark green curtains and plush carpeting softening the room’s appearance…

“I’ve brought you back to Diasomnia. The outdoors feel too open. Apologies, I just…” Malleus faltered uncharacteristically. You cocked your head at him, staring back at his beautiful face settled in a pout, still enveloped in his grasp.

“I have a private washroom here. I thought it would be nice to take care of you. Wouldn’t you let me?” He asked you, hesitantly. Though you knew you couldn’t say no, lest you risk his mood darkening and bringing about a rainstorm, or something. You nodded, and let Malleus lead you over to one of the doors connected to the room, his hand resting on your shoulder to better guide you.

The bathroom was decorated similarly to the dorm room itself– a gray and green color scheme, with candles softly illuminating the room. There were multiple sinks along the wall, large mirrors with ornate frames standing behind them. The bath itself was akin to a hot tub, large enough to fit a few people sitting. The fanciness of the room was mesmerizing.

Malleus sat you down on a bench beside the sink, leaving your side momentarily to grab a small washcloth from a drawer, as well as some unknown container and some bandages from another. He wet the washcloth under the sink and returned to your side, sitting beside you on the bench and looking intently at you.

You got the memo, hesitating before rolling your clothes back to expose your fresh cuts. You cringed, feeling exposed in front of him, though Malleus gave no intense reactions back. He simply pet your head, your eyes widening at the gentle touch before you closed them, not wanting to see his gaze upon yours. The touch was pleasant, surreal to you in your current state.

“I’m going to start, darling… this will sting a bit, my apologies.” He spoke lowly, calmly. You nodded as you felt the wet washcloth glide over your skin. You cringed as you felt it swipe over the fresh wounds, knowing some would start bleeding again. But the warmth against your skin felt nice, the feeling of dry blood being cleared away. He continued through all the spots you hurt yourself, before you felt the washcloth leave your skin as Malleus picked up something else.

“This is a healing balm. It should be human-safe, Silver’s tested it before… Just to help you with your recovery.” He explained further, as you felt a gel-like substance cover your cuts. After its initial application, it felt surprisingly light. You cracked one eye open slightly to inspect what he was doing. It seemed as though it slowed the bleeding down, just a bit.

After Malleus was done with that, he began to apply bandages to your cuts, gently but firmly. You weren’t sure if it was necessary, especially with the magic balm he applied, but you knew giving him peace of mind would be nice. And it felt nice to be so cared for, his gentle touches against your torn skin soothing.

He kissed your forehead to signify he was finished as you opened your eyes once again, greeted by the sight of his emerald eyes, shining with affection for you.

“I’m so glad to take care of you, beloved. I’m so sorry your emotions are so difficult, and that I can’t always be there to take care of you... I can only hope to make it up to you now. Won’t you spend the night with me?”

Bonus: Ideas for Azul & Floyd BPD fics

Azul -

Azul has self-harming behaviors he’s still getting over (an unhealthy relationship with food), and understands any reasons Reader would have for the same. He’s also the type to research his partner’s conditions to understand them better if there was anything he didn’t get (nerd /lh).

Maybe Reader had been engaging in risky behaviors all day– starving themselves, self-harming, self-sabotaging in whatever way. They felt like Azul didn’t care, too busy with his work.

When he visits them after realizing he hadn’t heard from them all day, he gets reminded of himself. He might get distressed at seeing his partner in a bad state, but keeps his cool externally.

Brings them to the Lounge and treats them to a special dinner and dessert since Reader doesn’t want to eat alone (or be alone in general). Reader also encourages Azul to indulge in a nice meal in turn. Yay for bettering each other :)

Floyd - 

I see people headcanon Floyd with BPD and I definitely can see it, even if it’s not as “canon” as his ADHD may as well be. Either way, he Gets It.

Floyd with a Reader who is afraid of abandonment is very important to me, even though I’ve talked about it in previous writings.

Maybe Reader texts him frantically about him getting bored with them, nervous he’s going to break up at any minute. They don’t get a reply, but instead get Floyd whisking them away to spend all day with them– could be all day at their dorm, or on an adventure across the island, or among any of the dorms.

Floyd doesn’t always remember to show he cares, but he really does. He doesn’t want to be abandoned by Reader similarly and could never get bored of them. Reader is his Shrimpy, no one else’s.

Both of these ladies are more than willing to put the work into this relationship, and if you're willing to meet them halfway they are happy to do the same. There will be difficulties like there are in any relationship, it's just that the type of problems will be a little different.

Alcina handles it the better of the two. She's very good with people, and you're not the only person she's ever met with BPD. However, she is delighted to remind you that you are the only person with BPD that she's ever had patience for, so she doesn't get offended by what you might do or say on an "off day". Alcina knows that sometimes you're going to have mood swings--she has had a few herself and you've forgiven her for it, why wouldn't she do the same for you?

Still, Alcina will also be making sure you're seeing a therapist on the regular. She knows quite a bit about psychology and what makes you tick, but... As loathe as she is to admit it, there might, maybe, possibly be something that you might want to discuss in private with a professional. She wants to make sure you're happy and healthy, after all. Therapy is the bare minimum to help make that happen.

Donna handles it a little bit less well, but only because she has a tendency to shut down if she gets yelled at, at which point Angie will take over and start defending her. If you know that you get loud when you're dysregulated, you two absolutely need to have a talk about it, or it will end with the both of you in tears. Both of you very quickly figure out a system where if you get to the point where your volume starts to rise, she and Angie will move into the next room until you're a little calmer.