#bpd!rin

So, first, I want to explain that quiet BPD isn’t an official diagnosis but often used to explain when someone’s symptoms are more internalized than externalized. Now, the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria states that patients must have a persistent pattern of unstable relationships, self-image, and emotions (ie, emotional dysregulation) and pronounced impulsivity, shown by at least five of the following:

Desperate efforts to avoid abandonment (actual or imagined)

Unstable, intense relationships that alternate between idealizing and devaluing the other person

An unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsivity in two or more areas that could harm themselves

Repeated suicidal behavior and/or gestures or threats or self-mutilation

Rapid changes in mood, lasting usually only a few hours and rarely more than a few days

Persistent feelings of emptiness

Inappropriately intense anger or problems controlling anger

Temporary paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms triggered by stress

For Rin, I would say it’s 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 (that’s seven of nine), and for Yukio, I would say it’s 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, and 9 (also seven of nine). The last one for Yukio is more personal belief given the amount of stress he’s under daily. Being susceptible to dissociation, especially as a result of constant emotional repression, feels very plausible.

With point seven, persistent feelings of emptiness, I think it fits the both of them as an exacerbation of the other symptoms experienced. It manifests as sort of a hollowness or void-like sensation, and can create a barrier or wall separating someone from a sense of purpose, fulfillment, emotional connection, etc.

In-depth reasoning for the other factors:

Point 2: I think this is more related to the twin’s relationship with each other, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it also included Shiro, especially, for Yukio, when he was Shiro’s student. Rin and Yukio’s relationship does tend to have an intensity to it on both sides. Yukio struggles a lot with his feelings regarding Rin, in a way that Rin doesn’t. But I do think they both have a hard time with viewing the other as fully faceted person. I think this is pretty obvious with Yukio - his focus on Rin’s strength, his power, his relationships with other people. Similarly, Rin often views Yukio as a perfect person and this is either a positive thing (he’s so smart!) or a negative thing (he’s belittling me!).

I think Rin much more idealizes Yukio, and Yukio much more devalues Rin, but either way, they both kind of see each other as the “ideal” person. For Yukio, this backfires as he gets jealous and angry due to other issues and so he ends up devaluing Rin frequently because it’s the only way for him to survive his own feelings. For Rin, this backfires because he ends up hating on himself and/or getting mad at Yukio for being "perfect", which only serves to idealize Yukio even more, especially because he is not privy to the internal feelings Yukio experiences.

Point 3: An unstable sense of self often includes excessive self-criticism, feelings of guilt and/or shame, and the sense that you are “bad”. As a result, people who struggle with a sense of self may suddenly change opinions, careers, goals, and often feel like they don’t know who they are. They may lack a sense of direction in life, or feel like they don’t have purpose/reason to exist.

This is usually one of the reasons that people with BPD can become very quickly attached to other people or concepts. Since they don’t have an internal or stable sense of self, they may try to gain one through external means. When those means no longer serve them, they sever all ties to it.

They’ll struggle with emotional regulation, boundaries, trust, etc.

For Rin, this is most evident. Pretty much from infancy, people have seen him as a bad person and, despite attempts from Shiro, Yukio and other people close to him, he definitely has internalized that. He lacks self-direction and has no clear goals for his life. Even becoming Paladin isn’t really something he wants. It’s just an impulsive thing he says because he was angry. He chooses to become an exorcist because it’s the only option he has for survival and he wants to protect Yukio (before he finds out Yukio has known this whole time). Despite that, he doesn’t put as much effort as the others do into it. He doesn’t have a positive perception of himself. In fact, I think, at least in childhood, it’s through Yukio that he’s able to perceive himself positively in any way. He protects him and he feeds him and, despite all his horribleness, Yukio loves him, so he can’t be too horrible, right?

For Yukio, it’s a little more subtle. He has a clear stated goal at the start – to become a doctor – and presumably he’s still working towards that. But as the series moves on, we see that Yukio still perceives himself as a crybaby weakling, even though he’s not that child anymore. It’s a massive sore spot. He’s incredibly self-critical and self-loathing. He doesn’t seem to like himself as a person. I think a large part of him also only really sees his purpose, especially now, as being Rin’s caretaker. Which is why he gets so quickly frustrated with Rin because all that work he’d been doing to protect Rin suddenly became pointless. As soon as he discovers information about Shiro and the Order he immediately denounces the whole thing and leaves. But after confessing all his feelings to Rin, he's talked about being a teacher for the cram school again.

Point 4: Lol, does this part really need explanation? Rin’s impulsive behaviour is more obvious, but Yukio also shows impulsive behaviours in ways that could harm him. His suicide attempts, pointing a gun at Mephisto, ripping off his protective gear when he was trying to heal that kid in the Impure King arc, blowing up the airship while he was still inside, etc.

Point 5: Yukio is most obvious here. Rin, however, does show repeated suicidal/self-mutilating behaviours. Because it’s not backed by obvious thoughts of wanting to die or hurt himself, I think people tend to skim past it, and, for sure, you can certainly argue against him fitting this part. But going back to unstable sense of self and how Rin already does not like himself and has considered at different points whether or not he should exist, I do think there’s an argument to be made. He cares very little for his physical well-being, frequently getting into fights throughout childhood and intentionally putting himself in harm’s way. His healing factor also makes it easier to ignore. So I am more 50-50 on Rin with this point, but, lol, Yukio all the way!

Point 6: Rin does show a lot of rapid mood changes through the series. He expresses himself much more overtly, so they’re easier to notice. Him being sour but immediately brightening up when Shiro offers meat for dinner at the start, being excited to see Kyoto then despondent when the others ignore him then happy again when Izumo doesn’t, being panicked for Shiemi then immediately angry with Ryuuji on the train, feeling serious when going to save Yukio then happy when Yukio tells him he didn’t actually join the Illuminati, etc. Yukio, on the other hand, doesn’t really show a lot of rapid mood changes the way Rin does, and when we do have access to his inner thoughts and emotions, he doesn’t seem to show any changes. Even when he’s feigning otherwise, his emotion – usually frustration – remains steady.

Point 8: Lol, yeah. They both frequently experience intense anger. Rin has a hard time controlling it, where Yukio is better at disguising it. It’s still there though.

And to get a little more into it, let’s look at the Alternative Model of Personality Disorder. Part A states that a “moderate of greater impairment in personality functioning manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or more of the following four areas:

Identity: Markedly impoverished, poorly developed, or unstable self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism; chronic feelings of emptiness; dissociative states under stress

Self-direction: Instability in goals, aspirations, values, or career plans

Empathy: Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitive (i.e. prone to feel slighted or insulted); perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities

Intimacy: Intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships, marked by mistrust, neediness, and anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment; close relationship often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternating between overinvolvement and withdrawal

I think identity and intimacy are applicable for both, and self-direction is most applicable for Rin. Both have been discussed previously. Empathy is a curious one. While they’re both prone to feeling slighted or insulted, I don’t think this compromises Rin’s ability to recognize the feelings or needs of others and I’m not too sure if it does or doesn’t with Yukio. I don’t think Rin focuses his perceptions of other people selectively on their negative attributes or vulnerabilities. I think Yukio might, or would be most likely to, but can’t recall any specific moments.

Part B of BPD under the AMPD states that once part A has been satisfied, the person should showcase at least four of the following pathological personality traits, at least one of which must be Impulsivity, Risk Taking, or Hostility:

Emotional Lability: Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes; emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances

Anxiousness: Intense feelings of nervousness, tenseness, or panic, often in reaction to interpersonal stresses; worry about the negative effects of past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feeling fearful, apprehensive, or threatened by uncertainty; fears of falling apart or losing control

Separation Insecurity: Fears of rejection by – and/or separation from – significant others, associated with fears of excessive dependency and complete loss of autonomy

Depressivity: Frequent feelings of being down, miserable, and/or hopeless; difficulty recovering from such moods; pessimism about the future; pervasive shame, feelings of inferior self-worth; thoughts of suicide and suicidal behaviour

Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing or following plans; a sense of urgency and self-harming behaviour under emotional distress

Risk Taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard to consequences; lack of concern for one’s limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger

Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger of irritability in response to minor slights and insults

For Yukio:

Anxiousness (which is also a required trait under AVPD in the AMPD)

Depressivity

Impulsivity

Hostility

For Rin:

Emotional lability

Separation insecurity

Depressivity

Impulsivity

Risk taking

Hostility

With Rin and separation insecurity, I know it specifies “significant others” but I think that specification needs to be broadened because this, to me, fits his feelings about Yukio. I think one of Rin’s biggest fears is that Yukio doesn’t need him as much as he needs Yukio. It’s pretty clear from how quick he was to be like “okay, well Yukio and I will just run away forever and if we can’t, I’ll stay with him anyway” that being separated from Yukio is not it for him. Additionally, Yukio rejecting him before leaving with Renzou – and then rejecting him a second time on the airship – causes him to freak out very intensely, and later is the reason he starts to lose the battle with his inner demon.

Additionally, some people who have more than one personality disorder find that each PD tends to be more significant in certain situations. I’ve seen some people with combo BPD-AVPD note that their AVPD tends to be most notable in general, but when they’re in a relationship, they find their BPD traits are most notable, or vice versa.

For others, they may consider one their “key” PD and the others are just tacked on, or they see the others as a consequence of the initial. Think of it as like “AVPD with BPD and OCPD.” The secondary PDs typically feeds into the initial PD, rather than existing on their own.