Feb 25, 2025
so i read How To Cat Burglar A Family (fic by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness )
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so i read How To Cat Burglar A Family (fic by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness )
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Jerk Ford AU: And This is Jack*ss
Their high school science teacher said "A perpetual motion machine is only hypothetical, because it is impossible, since its existence would violate the first and second laws of thermodynamics."
And Jerk Ford in response said "Hold my beer."
Head cannon time!
This is mostly just me extrapolating based on almost nothing, but I like to think Ford was casual friends with Manly Dan.
In Journal 3 he calls him "Boyish Dan" we also see a very small low rez young Dan in the background building Ford's cabin in A Tale of Two Stans.
Ford doesn't have many friends to speak of, and he doesn't name drop people too often in his journal. The fact that Dan is mentioned more than once is somewhat notable. More notable is the fact that Ford knew Dan well enough to know about the abandoned Corduroy house, and Dan was on good enough terms with Ford to agree to let him stay there for a few nights.
Ford wasn't pursuing a rumor about a haunting. He says he was just feeling stuck and looking for a change of scenery for a bit to clear his head. He just happened to know Dan had this second property he wasn't using and asked about it. (I'm guessing this haunted lumberjack estate is really scenic.) Dan tried to warn Ford the place was cursed but Ford ignored said warnings.
In light of this very thin evidence I propose...
My Ford and Dan head cannon
When Ford first moved to Gravity Falls he was in his mid twenties while Dan was in his late teens and already running his own business. Dan was forced to grow up fast by a family tragedy and inherited his family business young. Ford initially wonders if hiring a teenager to build his house is wise, but seeing someone so young all on their own reminds him a bit of Stanley in ways he doesn't let himself think about, so not only does he hire him, but he over pays.
While the cabin is being constructed, he insists on helping rather than just sitting back while Dan does all the work. This turns into long sessions of Ford autisticly yapping while Dan occasionally interjects to correct Ford's woodworking.
Ford is so used to social rejection that being around someone who's simply not annoyed or creeped out by him is a breath of fresh air, honestly. While the two are never really close or anything, they are more or less casual friends. Ford has a hard time reaching out to people he's genuinely close with out of fear of being a burden. Ever since Fidds got married, he's felt like doesn't really have a place in his life and doesn't want to bother him with a phone call unless he has an explicit reason too, which he never does. (Until the portal gives him a convenient excuse.) Dan, on the other hand, lives alone and has little going on in his life, so Ford doesn't feel bad about making up excuses to talk to him when he's feeling lonely. This usually takes the form of hiring him for things or paying for survivalist lessons. He learned a lot of physical skills from Dan, and he played a role in helping Ford develop into more of a badass.
Dan has never been a very smart man and sometimes Ford remembers who he's talking to and feels a bit disappointed. That said, Dan did used to be a bit more chill and a little less loopy but years of getting hit by the blind eye made him a bit more aggressive than he already was and impaired his cognitive function a bit.
Ford's friendship with Dan, while it lasted, was honestly a bit one-sided, with the relationship being more valuable to Ford than it ever was to Dan. Even then, Ford would never have called them close. Dan was just someone to talk to on the occasion that the crippling loneliness was suffocating, and Ford just needed someone who wasn't hostile to him. P.S. Yes, I'm aware this makes Dan around 52-ish in the show proper, which is a bit older than he looks, but not too crazy.
SOME TRIVIALITY RISES DOODLES (Or my Relativity Falls au, see this post if you have no idea what I'm talking about)
some late night GF sketches for yall! The first one was inspired by a convo i had with @unearthlyfromage on discord, where we talked about a sort of spin off of my I Grow Maddened (with grief) AU, where a young Ford is blamed for the murder of his brother, which was committed by IGM!Ford. This Ford runs away to avoid being wrongly imprisoned, and ends up working on the McGucket farm. He and Fiddleford go to Gravity Falls together in this timeline, and end up befriending Boyish Dan, and eventually Ford and Fiddleford go into the portal together to hunt down Stanley's killer.
The second image is me celebrating the fact that I am learning how to draw more varied body types so that i no longer draw Stan skinny >:) Also its an excuse to draw smth for my Under The Falls AU
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Relativity Falls was always my favorite AU.
The thought came that Shanklin has such giant “Graunty Mabel would allow Stanley to keep a wild possum” energy and it got out of control from there.
YEP
Boss Stanley
Another Relativity Falls screenshot edit. I enjoyed the third picture the most for some reason.
Comment or reblog your thoughts on how this episode will go! I can't wait to read them.