Aug 31, 2023
People will step over a boundary that you have made clear to them, and then act offended when you go from nice and warm to stone cold and unforgiving. Why did your assume my warmth was for people who violate me.
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People will step over a boundary that you have made clear to them, and then act offended when you go from nice and warm to stone cold and unforgiving. Why did your assume my warmth was for people who violate me.
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since the post about non-confrontational boundaries that I contributed to keeps showing up in my notes, here is an example of something that happened yesterday, so you can see what it looks like if you need to:
so one of my besties has started doing this thing when we hang out where she randomly invites other people or decides we're going to hang out at someone's house and she doesn't tell me.
so when i got home from seeing her yesterday and there was drama about if her mom and sister were going to come over or not, i thought about it and sent the following message:
One small request though, just cause it’s happened the last few times we hung out: can you give me a heads up if there’s a chance people other than like, you, [husband] and [otherfriend] will be there, or we’ll end up at someone else’s place? I’m cool with it, I just sometimes need to get my head right for new people, and warning would help.
so, a few things to note if you're new at this:
"one small request" - I framed this as a favor she could do for me, to make it a friendly thing
"cause it’s happened the last few times we hung out" - pointing out a pattern of behavior so she can see it's not a one time thing
" I’m cool with it, I just sometimes need to get my head right for new people, and warning would help." - an explanation of exactly what I need. We don't have to stop chilling with other people, I just need a heads up so I can mentally prepare.
Her reply:
Yes definitely! I’m sorry! ... I understand though, I can be better I’m just flaky rn and struggling to manage times and dates in my head. It’s no excuse but yeah brain/memory’s is not optimal. I will definitely try to communicate better though! I am sorry completely understand how that could be a little anxiety inducing.
i cut some explanation about why certain things happened, but this is how healthy people deal with conflicts and issues. She apologized, let me know what was going on with her, and validated my feelings.
We talked a little more about what I could do to help, and what her underlying issues were, but at no point did either of us take it personally or take offense. it was a communication of need and solution.
and her final message was:
Thank you btw for being honest and saying when something bugged you. I am glad you said something. I honestly didn’t see it cause I’m foggy 😶🌫️ but now that I do I’m like oh fuck that’s annoying…that would bug me too. No bueno. Time to fix that one. Good friends make you see stuff you yourself couldn’t which in turn allows you to fix those things and be a better person 📷 #goals
and that's what it looks like to set friendly boundaries.
When Someone Responds to Your Boundaries with Anger
New blog post @ Every Cat Has a Tale ~
https://everycathasatale.blogspot.com/2019/08/when-someone-responds-to-your.html
beautiful by josephine collective
you don't need these boundaries, you were born free, so start living
